One New York Life

Host: Gwyneth Paltrow (3). I have an unnatural hatred for Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m not sure when it happened. I know some of it is from my years working in a video rental department. Every month, we were sent a preview tape that looped through the movies coming out that month. One month included Duets. Also included that month, a music video of Cruisin’ by Huey Lewis and Paltrow. In a four hour shift, I probably heard that song 80 times. When people say things just become white noise after a while — they don’t. A little more was piled on last year when she was part of a public service campaign for City Harvest, a group that collects restaurant shrink and distributes it to food pantries, when she doesn’t live in the city. It also infuriates me when celebs who make eight figures a year tell me I should be donating money. Hey, Gwyneth, donate a year of Chris’s royalty checks and try to get by on your eight-figure-a-year movie salary. I’m sure Apple will get by. Also, naming her child Apple. And Moses. I digress. Monologue — Sudekis as Kenny Rogers. Win.

Musical Guest: Cee Lo Green (2; 1 as Gnarls Barkley). One of the guys in my office introduced us to F*ck You very shortly after it leaked in April. It surprised me a few months later when I heard it on someone’s iTunes. First, I never really thought it would get radio play for obvious reasons. Then I realized that I haven’t listened to the radio regularly since I stopped driving to work six years ago. I like to pretend I’m still plugged in to what’s popular but, really, I’m not aside from the monthly playlists from WJDW. I surprisingly loved the second song, too.

Guests: Anderson Cooper, Pee-Wee Herman.

Best Skit: ESPN Deportes. Admittedly, this may be more fun for Pam and I than anyone else. On Food Network, we enjoy making fun of Giada DeLaurentis’s magic accent (h/t Beer Snob Mike) — that is, when a person of some ethnicity with perfect English finds it necessary to perfectly accent words in other languages. This was the reverse of that, and I was just happy that someone else found it funny enough goof on.

Honorable Mention: Record Meeting. Not particularly hysterical, but I found it cool for two reasons. First, the skit is Paltrow replacing “F*ck” with “Forget” in regular conversation. She also replaces other curse words with random words. There is one particularly long sentence that she takes half a second to get ready for and, well, it’s impressive. I was waiting for a Jenny Slate moment, but I didn’t get it. Second, they used this sketch as the introduction to Forget You. I’ve never seen them use a sketch to lead in to the musical guest and it was a cool change.

Line of the Week: Seth on Weekend Update about things the Founding Fathers would say if alive today. And they’d say: “How can you speak of militias when steel dragons fly through sky?!” And you’d say those are airplanes. And even if they could wrap their heads around that they would eventually ask “why are all the slaves out!?” And they would think that. *crowd groans* You can groan all you want but they would think that.

Character of the Week: Rich week for characters and, unfortunately, most of them aren’t available due to content restrictions. The actual best was Jay Pharoah’s impression of Jay-Z in a sketch in which a music producer got various stars to sing Jew’d up versions of their hits for his son’s bar mitzvah. Gwyneth Paltrow did a passable Taylor Swift in this, too. I’ll give it to Pharoah, though, for his impression of Will Smith.

Worst Skit: Secret Word. I’m over this. Though points for having Gwyneth Paltrow’s rich socialite refer to Keenan’s contestant as her “games butler.” “No, Titsy, he’s the contestant. And a urologist.”

Should Have Been Funnier: CNN Spitzer Replacement. I actually thought this was perfectly funny, but I’m putting it here because I want a full Spitzer/Patterson sketch. And let it recur. Often. I may like it more than What Up With That.

Digital Short: Andy and Pee-Wee’s Night Out. Andy bumps in to Pee Wee Herman in a bar and debauchery ensues. Best jokes are in the last 30 seconds but it’s worth watching if you want to see Anderson Cooper hit with a chair.

Weekend Update

• Constitution Corner: I mentioned this earlier. The basis of this was the current discussion over gun laws and some (rightly) goofing on those who (wrongly) talk about what the Founding Fathers believed in.
• Jimmy McMillan (Keenan): Jimmy McMillan — formerly of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party — has decided to run for president. “The deficit is foteen trillin dollars. That’s almost enough to get a studio in the Bronx.”
• Vanessa At The Golden Globes: Weekend Update made a little experimental grab at the Daily Show here by taking Vanessa Bayer and putting her in front of a green screen as an “on location” reporter. This particular thing didn’t really work for me (other than Bill Hader’s hysterically insulting impersonation of Cher) but I would love to see them try more of it.
• Garth and Katt: Enough!!!!!!!
• A town in Switzerland is warning dog owners that if they don’t pay their fifty dollar tax on dogs, their pets would be rounded up and euthanized. Switzerland, neutral on Nazis, tough on dogs.

Final Thoughts: I thought the episode was good short of the the 486th appearance of Garth and Katt. I would even be OK with the recurring use of Secret Word if they changed up the jokes once in a while. Every single version of the sketch doesn’t have to have Kristin Wiig’s Broadway actress who says the word every time. And I don’t know what’s going on with Jason Sudekis this season, but it seems like he’s been in almost nothing.

Host: Paul Rudd (2). This is Paul Rudd’s second appearance as host. Amusing monologue regarding how excited crowds around NBC were to see a guy named Paul. I did appreciate the jump-in by new player Paul Brittain. First bit of a rather busy night for Paul McCartney, too.

Musical Guest: Paul McCartney (3). Pretty busy night for Sir Paul. He got the standard three song night as well as playing the show out instead of the SNL Orchestra. We also got an appearance in the Digital Short, monologue, Weekend Update, and a sketch. I find it an interesting dynamic that McCartney doggedly insists on playing non-Beatles songs in these kind of appearances (only one Beatles’ song made the cut) when really all anyone cares about are the songs he made with Lennon. As a Lennon guy, I find the reason obvious.

Best Sketch: What’s That Name. This would be one of those sketches that might be New York City-centric, but it hit particularly close to home. In my defense, this building has a staff of about 12 doormen and I think I know at least 4 of their names. Keenan’s brand of annoyance put this over the top.

Honorable Mention: Cat Cuisine. As a cat owner, this made me laugh out loud. Pet food commercials always seem ridiculous to me. “Oh, feed your cat this gourmet stuff that you’ll never actually try and just take our word that it’s amazing!”

Character of the Week: Bill Hader’s Julian Assange has made a couple appearances this season. It’s been great each time because Hader does creep exceptionally well. In this case, he negotiates his release.

Worst Skit: Sexually Speaking. In a particularly annoying habit in an uninspired season, this constant reuse of sketches that aren’t funny and have never been funny. Maybe we can dial back some of Armisen’s and Wiig’s not funny characters? Maybe?

Should Have Been Funnier: Field Day. I wanted to like this idea. The premise of a lame white guy trying to run an assembly at Booker T Washington High School is solid. However, it just came across as a lame-ish copy of MadTV’s angry gym teacher.

Digital Short: Stumblin. Not on Hulu. A song called Stumblin’ — the best part of which was a visual sight gag of “tiny harmonica solo” with Paul McCartney playing a tiny harmonica. You kinda had to be there.

Weekend Update

• Stefon (Hader): Stefon remains my favorite Weekend Update character by far. In this one he discusses some Christmasy things for tourists to do in the city. I’m not sure if Stefon would be better or worse if Hader could make it through a segment without losing it.
• Paul McCartney: Sir Paul makes a brief appearance to run an audio caption on the image of Charles and Camilla’s car getting pelted by eggs. “Ruffians!”
• “Said Oprah: ‘I’m not a lesbian, I’m not even kind of a lesbian.’ Said Walters: ‘I haven’t even asked you a question yet.”

Final Thoughts: In what has been a rather uninspiring season of SNL, many of the notes I’ve taken have languished in my approval queue for months. This is just another episode in a string of episodes that have grabbed sketches from previous season — regardless of it’s relative humor value. For instance, in what’s becoming a Christmas staple, this episode included another episode of the Kissing Family and the Cranky Sex Talk Show Producer. I’d say short of the Jane Lynch episode and the Emma Stone episode (both in the queue… not quite finished), this season has been rough.

Host: Jon Hamm (3). Jon Hamm finishes off the Mad Men season for a third consecutive year with an SNL appearance. This year’s monologue was about how being Don Draper has made him think of the world as an advertising executive. Average.

Musical Guest: Rihanna (2). Better than her appearance last season. I’ll throw the critique to the girl who is a fan. “Liked didn’t love the first song… but it felt like a summer song more than something to introduce in November. The second I’m in love with already.” So, there it is.

Guests: David Spade… kinda. He was in a strange animation where he voiced a socialite’s dog. Not available on Hulu.

Best Skit: Back To The Future Screen Tests. These aren’t available on Hulu… I don’t recall Power Of Love playing over the sketch but I guess it must have been. This seemed like an excuse to let players show off their impressionist chops. Highlights where Jay Pharoah’s Eddie Murphy as Marty, Bill Hader’s Alan Alda as Biff, Keenan’s Bill Cosby as Doc, and Kristin Wiig’s Jennifer Tilly as Lorraine McFly. Shame these aren’t on Hulu.

Honorable Mention: Darlique and Barney. I can’t say this made me fall out of my chair or anything, but I enjoyed the homage to both the Music Teachers and the Needlers. I’d go see this show in Vegas.

Line of the Week: Joe Biden, questioning Americans who think they have it bad. “Question 1) Are you stuck underground? That’s pretty much it.”

Character of the Week: Pharoah’s Eddie Murphy was unbelievably perfect. Also in the Back to the Future Screen tests was Bobby Moynihan doing a rock-solid Sam Kinison. Fun Fact: the four-year age difference between me and the girl is large enough that Sam Kinison drew a “Who’s that?” question.

Worst Skit: Vincent Price’s Halloween Special. I usually like these, but this one missed for me. Hamm as JFK was good and the fact he brought a prostitute was very funny, but Kristin Wiig’s overuse of the Target Lady’s voice in sketches this season is killing me.

Should Have Been Funnier: Two great premises that were executed poorly. First, I Didn’t Ask For This where Bobby Moynihan puts on a show for people who found Internet Celebrity due to embarrassing videos. Two things here — first, just use real videos and have someone play the Grape Stomp Lady. Second, it shouldn’t have taken until the third video for the other guests to start laughing at the victim. The entire sketch should have been based around the fact that even people humiliated on the Internet probably laugh at other people humiliated on the Internet. Second, Highway Cops. The throwback to the 70s TV show with flowing hair and pornstaches should have gone gay way quicker than a 3 minute build-up to an obvious Sudekis/Hamm kiss. I think we all saw where this was going within 20 seconds. It took too long to get there.

Digital Short: Shy Ronnie 2. This is a sequel to the original Shy Ronnie clip from last season’s Blake Lively/Rihanna episode. It was a similar set-up and execution and proves that pretty much anything Rihanna sings is going to sound like a modern pop song.

Weekend Update

• James Carville (Hader): I continually love Hader’s portrayal of Carville. I especially like comparing his looks to an “angry peanuthead.”
• Garth & Katt (Armisen and Wiig): They didn’t even get through a sentence before breaking up this year. Maybe one more appearance for these two before they’re retired… probably around Christmas.
• Seth had a great joke about the shipping of bombs from Yemen to synagogues but it wasn’t posted to Hulu due to Muslim Immunity. The punchline was something to the effect of “because I can’t imagine synagogues being remotely suspicious when receiving unexpected packages from Yemen.”
• “I guess you can go ahead and book that vacation, Jon Cryer”

Final Thoughts: This was a miss-week after two episodes I really enjoyed. I expected at least -something- regarding Jon Stewart’s rally but, alas, nothing. It wasn’t quite the episode that Hamm’s appearance last season, but it wasn’t bad either. Thumbs in the middle.

Host: Brian Cranston(1). Also known as the guy from Breaking Bad and the dad from Malcolm In The Middle. The monologue was the official “we got nothin” musical number in which was the joke was that nobody really knew his name. Meh.

Musical Guest: Kanye West (4). GREAT performance of Power that proved, once again, that Kanye needs to never, ever try to sing live again. This was worlds better than the trainwreck performance of Heartless and Love Lockdown from two years ago. Points to him for doing something different with the SNL stage with his white backlit sheet and dancers. Though why reframing the stage is getting so much credit is beyond me as he did this last time, too. Points away, though, for taking the “F*ck SNL” verse out of Power. Second was another performance of the Let’s Give A Toast To The Douchebags song from the VMAs which featured Pusha (not Booker — which made me very excited for a second) T and prompted the following exchange of Me: Who’s that? PLR: A better rapper.

Guests: Morgan Freeman and Ernest Borgnine on What Up With That.

Best Skit: Pepto Bismol Ice. While I haven’t loved a lot of the live stuff so far this season, pretty much all of the bumper commercials have been great.

Honorable Mention: I’m torn here. It was either the iSleep Pro, which was a commercial for a product that produces “black noise” to help you sleep or the season premiere of What Up Wit That… which featured a hard-hitting discussion on education. Come for Ernest Borgnine looking like he couldn’t be having a better time, stay for DeAndre Cole honestly trying to not interrupt Morgan Freeman before finally succumbing. Who am I kidding… it’s totally What Up With That.

Line of the Week: “Breaking Bad is all about meth — so it’s good to come to New York City where you can still get good, old-fashioned crack”. Brian Cranston’s open.

Character of the Week: Vanessa Bayer’s absolutely spot on impression of Miley Cyrus. It’s one of the best SNL impressions I’ve seen in some time.

Worst Skit: Narrowly edging out the creepy pedophile game show is The Bjelland Brothers. Just horrible. Continuing a weekly trend in which Fred Armisen is involved in the worst sketch. However, he goes home to Abbey Elliot… so net win.

Should Have Been Funnier: The aforementioned Miley Cyrus Show. The impression was so good and the interview just had nothing. Easily one of the best parts of the evening was when Miley suggested they show a clip. Johnny Depp tells her he didn’t bring one. She then tells him it’s a clip from her movie… and the clip is the best part of the sketch.

Digital Short: Rescue Dogs 911. I do love SNL’s tendency to make fun of iPhones at every opportunity. Also, everyone I’ve spoken to agrees that this is actually how a 911 app would work on an iPhone… minus the final punchline.

Weekend Update

• Anthony Crispino’s secondhand news (Moynihan): Revisiting a character from last season… the Italian guy who gets all his incorrect news second hand. “Did you hear they wanna show that Jim Carey movie at Ground Zero? Yeah. The Mask. A priest in Florida got so mad he’s going to burn a bunch of Koreans”
• Comic Strip Star Cathy (Samberg): Cathy is retiring from the comics and also from Update.

Final Thoughts: Kanye was great. Cranston was hardly on. This was the second straight episode that was kind of poor. The writing has been really lazy for a new season. Most of the stuff has been retread from either last season or Amy Poehler’s character closet. I enjoyed both commercials (iSleep and Pepto Ice) but only get 2 minutes out of an hour-and-a-half show… let’s just say I think the batting average could be higher.

I actually enjoyed doing these recaps last season, so I’m going to do them again. I’m not sure how Hulu’s new policy is going to affect the links to their content because as per usual in corporate entertainment America it makes perfect sense to restrict content easily obtainable for free. Great job, Hulu, in managing to go from one of the most relevant sites on the Internet to one of the most irrelevant in less than a year by charging for network television and restricting access to episodic television. Even pets.com couldn’t pull that off. So, if you manage to come to one of these reviews 17 days after the SNL episode airs, it’s likely many of the links will be broken. I look forward to reading about the record numbers of people who purchase episodes of SNL on iTunes because nothing says “have me forever” like a topical satire show that doesn’t age well. It may even be more than the 35 people who signed up for Newsday’s pay wall.

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Host: Amy Poehler (1) — Nice to see Amy Poehler back as host. Unfortunately (and I think long-time watchers knew this) it gave the writers an excuse to be lazy for the season premiere as they could do a nostalgia run through her characters. The monologue was the normal stuff returning hosts usually say combined with Amy narrating us through a recurring nightmare she has about being late for the show. It was really just an excuse to get Rachel Dratch, Jimmy Fallon, and Tina Fey for a few minutes on the premiere and allowed Fallon to post this photo of him probably taking the JFK helicopter shuttle.

Musical Guest: Katy Perry (1) — I don’t understand how someone can be this consistently bad live and both continually get live spots AND not go to lip-synch or autotune. Two years ago when she was on New Year’s Rocking Eve, I just assumed it was bad sound… but she always has the same robotic, out of tune delivery. It’s hysterical how low her mic is in comparison to her back-up singers. Also, maybe someone could mention that singing an awful West Coast anthem on an East Coast show isn’t the most endearing thing. Realize that California is one of the only two states we New Yorkers look at and say “goddam, they’re f*cked”. The other is Jersey. If not for Katy’s appearance on Bronx Beat — where they took the lay-up opportunity to poke fun at Sesame Street parents* — this would have been a total waste.

* – I say parents because the target demo of Sesame Street is kids under 5. The target demo wasn’t looking at Katy Perry’s outfit and thinking ZOMG SEX! Kids don’t think like sexually repressed adults. If anything, kids would be thinking about lunch and being not quite sure why. That said, Katy Perry on Sesame Street — who is famous for nothing else other than being kind of a whore and singing an experimental college lesbian anthem — was a stupid idea in the first place.

Guest Stars: Rachel Dratch, Justin Timberlake, Jimmy Fallon, Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey, Governor David Patterson(!).

Best Sketch: Gay Wedding Ground Zero Mosque. A spoof of the political commercials that dominate NYC TV during election season. It’s awesome because we get commercials for New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut races.

Honorable Mention: Bosley Hair Transplant. Bosley wants you to know it can take healthy hair follicles from a different source if you don’t have any left on your head. Also, Katy Perry’s hypnotic Elmo T-Shirt.

Line of the Week: Via Bronx Beat: “As soon as my kids went back to school I put my feet up and had a glass of white wine. So what if it was 8:30 in the morning. I’m a grown woman, don’t judge.”

Worst Skit: Maternity Matters. They did this sketch last year with Teen Talk and it wasn’t funny. I expected nostalgia sketches involving Amy’s characters, but not redoing bad sketches from last season. This would have been OK if they’d combined this with Amy’s one-legged farting girl (and it was right there, because one of the questions was a pregnant girl who had uncontrollable gas) but as it was, bleh. That’s not to say using the one-legged farter to make fun of Showtime taking itself a bit too seriously with their “deep female characters” was either wasted or unnecessary.

Should Have Been Funnier: Tiny Hat Trish. There was a lot that could have been done with this because it seemed right on the border of laying in to Bravo with the Housewives and Hader as a random fashionista gay stereotype. This was right there to lay a crushing on Bravo’s new business model of featuring horrible people who, with few exceptions, should be euthanized and their homes given to the recently unemployed.

Digital Short: Boogerman. Didn’t get it at all. They were obviously making fun of the live performances of Emmy-nominated songs at the Emmys, but it wasn’t good. Honestly, the 30-second throwaway Actor II Actor sketch with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg was better. I think the Lonely Island guys sometimes get a little carried away with their budget and do too much.

Weekend Update

• Really?!?! With Seth & Amy — Seth and Amy take on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s claim that Americans were behind 9/11 which leads in to their take on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and conclude that not repealing it is “gay”. Amy joined the Update desk for the balance.
• Jay Pharoah as Will Smith — Jay Pharoah replaces Darrel Hammond as the staff impressionist. As an impression of Will Smith, I give it a B-. As a replacement for Darrel Hammond, thus far, I give it a D-. I think they probably could have hit Will Smith a little harder for his transition to stage parent who pretends his kids have started on a level playing field to everyone else.
• Fred Armisen as David Patterson — Midway through another run-through of messing with New Jersey, Fake David Patterson was interrupted by actual Governor David Patterson. Patterson was forgivably off with his comedic timing as he was being delivered his lines from somewhere other than cue cards but still managed to rip off a line of the week candidate with: “You guys made so much fun of me for being blind I forgot I was black.”
• Seth’s line of the week: “Apple is testing a new app that will let users pay for their subway ride with their iPhone. Just be sure to move aside as you try to get iPhone service IN THE SUBWAY.”

Final Thoughts: Left me totally blah for a season premiere. I have no problem with the nostalgia sketches when you get a long-time player back as host, even if some of those characters weren’t my favorites… but a total lack of Keenan (last year’s clear MVP in the SNL Awards column I never finished) and a prime timeslot for what was an unfunny idea the first time around left me lacking.

Posting this for completeness’ sake.

Host: Gabourey Sidibe (1). Gets the award for most nervous host of the season. She seems like a nice girl (editors note: guess not) but sadly live TV just wasn’t her thing. She sputtered over a lot of her strange monologue in which she reminded everyone that she wasn’t Precious and didn’t have a bad life. Then, they made her do a song and dance number in which she was clearly winded after the first minute or so.

Musical Guest: MGMT (1). An indie band that seemed generally horrific to me. Which means “I don’t get it”. Which means I’ll throw it to Radio Exile.

Best Skit: Public Employee Of The Year Awards. This was great, it was an awards show for the best public employee of the Metro New York area between an Angry DMV lady, a NYC Janitor who makes his full time residence in Florida, and a worker who’s on permanent disability for a bogus injury. Great satire sketch attacking something that needs to be dragged out and publicly shamed way more in the Metro NY/NJ area.

Honorable Mention: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Featuring special guest host Steve Harvey. I feel like they did a similar version of this before. The running joke here is Steve Harvey’s inability to pronounce things.

Line of the Week: “She calls my haircut the cutback, because she only cuts it in the back.” Kristin Wiig as Suze Orman. Or “The hottest new Manhattan club that answers the question “WHAAAAT?” by Stefon on Weekend Update.

Character of the Week: Weekend Update character Stefon. Apparently Stefon’s been on before but I haven’t seen it. LOVED this character.

Worst Skit/Digital Short: Cherry Battle. This was the most inexplicable digital short of the year. Totally off the rails and really didn’t make any sense — and not in a good way like Megan Fox’s Roommate.

Should Have Been Funnier: Crazy Black Lady In The Window. Gabourey is an old black woman who is sick and tired of punk kids sitting on her stoop and yakking to each other. But she engages in the conversations. Gabourey’s sputters hurt this sketch a little and her lack of timing hurt the sketch a bit, but her telling the boys to get off her porch was funny.

Weekend Update

• Stefon (Hader): This was apparently the second appearance of Stefon, but I don’t remember him at all. This character was so well received he was on the season finale two weeks later. Great new character for Hader and hope to see more of him.
• Judy Grimes (Wiig): You probably know the drill here (just kidding). You don’t know it but you want to (just kidding). You don’t want to but you see it any way (just kidding). etc.
• John Mulaney: One of the SNL staff writers comes out to rag on the general unavailability of Girl Scout Cookies. He wants to know why they aren’t available all year. Great bit for some good lines — “It would be like if you could only buy Coca-Cola once a year and only from the Knights of Columbus” and “According to the Girl Scouts, you can’t buy Girl Scout Cookies online. You know what you can buy online? Everything. You can buy everything online” — but an absolute study on how timing and delivery are massively important to joke telling. John Mulaney does not have either.
• There is a great bit in the favorites clip about the Arizona Immigration law.

Final Thoughts: I wanted Sidibe to be a better host than she was, it just didn’t do it for me. However, Public Employee of the Year was probably the best straight up “Let’s crush something about New York” sketches of the season, Stefon was one of the top Update characters, and the crazy black lady was good comedy. Sadly, the lack of timing across the board, the weird Digital Short, and a bad musical guest put this in the bottom half of the season.

Host: Alec Baldwin (15). Alec Baldwin pulls in to the tie with Steve Martin for most hosting gigs and, since he just gave the commencement address at NYU, the monologue is the SNL 2010 commencement address.

Musical Guest: Tom Petty (8) & The Heartbreakers (5). Is it just me, or is Tom Petty morphing further in to Neil Young as the years pass? I’ll take this moment to make an aside. Green Day and their pandering anti-Bush album has been converted in to a Broadway Musical and they’re now nominated for a Tony Award. Unreal.

Guest Stars: Steve Martin (via satellite).

Best Sketch: Some Big Shot: Returning to a “classic movie” in progress with a big shot executive and a hooker with a heart of gold. It took a bit to get to the punchline, but it caught me off guard and made me laugh. Great stuff for a last half-hour sketch.

Honorable Mention: Snipers. Keenan and Sudekis can’t quite figure out what their sniper commander is ordering them to do. For whatever reason, the straight-man/crazy-man interplay made me laugh more than usual.

Line of the Week: “It won’t solve all your problems, you’ll still be a woman.” In a pretty good parody of a pharmaceutical commercial. Very narrowly defeated “He’s got two things in common with Greg Lougainis… he hit his head on the diving board and I’ll let you figure out the second thing” from Hudson Valley Swim Team.

Worst Skit: Starfish. Couldn’t end the season without another bizarrely unfunny Kristin Wiig character. Seriously, I really hope they promote Abbey, Nasim, and Jenny from “featured” next season because Kristin has become WAY overexposed on SNL. The Target Lady was kinda funny — they don’t need 146 versions of the Target Lady.

Should Have Been Funnier: Timecrowave. Liked the concept, it just didn’t do it for me.

Digital Short: Great Day. Andy is a coked up stockbroker(?) who has a song about how this day is going to be a great day. I can’t decide if the tune of this song is more Mountain Town or It’s Easy, M’Kay from the South Park Movie. By the by, those links are to the Berklee College Of Music’s full orchestral tribute to South Park. I’m not kidding… here is Up There (Satan’s Song), too.

Weekend Update

• Snooki (Moynihan): A (probably) final visit from Snooki to the update desk. She talks about Miami and the difficulties she faces looking too much like oranges and Cheetos. “Summer is like the spring break of the seasons.”
• Stefon (Hader): I was worried this would be too close to the last appearance to fit Stefon in for one more appearance this year. Stefon gives us a few more suggestions about Manhattan’s hottest clubs. Stefon is running neck and neck with Larry The Goose for my favorite update character of the season.
• Garth (Armisen) and Kat (Wiig): One more appearance for the woefully unprepared singers. Armisen and Wiig couldn’t quite make it through the bit without laughing again. I feel like only Fred memorizes lines for this bit and Wiig just tries to imitate him, which leads to the giggles. I could obviously be wrong.
• “I gotta say when rich dudes come up with golf balls as a solution, they’re just looking around the room and naming things Usual Suspects-style. I know what we’ll try next… uhhhh… cufflinks.”
• “A man and a woman in Russia are getting married after meeting on a bridge that they both separately went to commit suicide on — so good luck with that wedding toast, Best Man.

Final Thoughts: Very up and down show for me. I thought the Oil Spill Cold Open was really good, then Starfish killed me until Update. Even another appearance of Grady Wilson Sex Tapes couldn’t perk me up. Also, I was wrong about Bedelia being a one and done character. This week, we get to meet her dad. They figured out the formula a little better.

All told, an OK show, but seemed dead after the Betty White episode which really should have been the finale. All the guest stars last week made it seem like a more special episode than the 15th Alec Baldwin. Not to say I didn’t enjoy Baldwin, but the White episode was really well done.

Host: Betty White (1): Two things. First, one of the writers on Cracked.com wrote an article that pretty-well summed up the confusion I share at the origins of the Betty White campaign. It’s one of those weird Internet things that just kind of happened. It seemed to rise out of nowhere with the only possible seminal moment being her appearance in a Snickers’ Super Bowl commercial. Why Betty White and not Abe Vigoda? Maybe because he already has his own Internet meme? I don’t know. It’s inexplicable. Second, Betty White delivered a great monologue where she thanked Facebook, and then spent three minutes crushing it for being a waste of time. “When I first heard of the campaign to get me to host Saturday Night Live I didn’t even know what Facebook was. And now that I do know what it is, it sounds like a HUGE waste of time. I’d never say the people on it are losers, but that’s just because I’m polite.” Jokes about vacation pictures and poking. I don’t know if she wrote this or Seth’s team did, but it was great stuff.

Musical Guest: Jay-Z (3): So, Jay-Z’s been my favorite rap artist since high school. I don’t often talk about it because I’m wholly unqualified to rate rap music. I either love it (Jigga, Dre, Eminem, Timbaland) or hate it (most of the rest) and I can’t explain why. Let’s just say that the Interlude/On To The Next One/99 Problems/Empire State medley was my favorite musical guest spot this season. Yes, even over Pearl Jam. I can’t believe it either. I also forgot how disgusting the line “you can kiss my whole asshole” was.

Guest Stars: Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Ana Gasteyer, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Molly Shannon. I guess it makes sense that comedic women in entertainment would want to be on the show with a pioneer.

Best Sketch: The Delicious Dish NPR Ladies. The Molly Shannon/Ana Gasteyer combination made immortal in the Schweddy Balls sketch return to discuss a new dish. I’m very sad I didn’t see “muffin” coming until it got there. This will be one for a “Best Of” show someday. Am I wrong in remembering the NPR Ladies existing in sketches other than “Schweddy Balls”? Have the rest of them just all been swallowed up by the “this didn’t make the hour-long re-run show edit” monster? Line of the week honors almost went to “a yeasty muffin can ruin your whole day.”

Honorable Mention: Four this week. First, Gingey, pretty much the Southern Girls with Amy Poehler playing one acting like a boy and grandma Betty White pointing out she’s a lesbian. Second, another installment of Scared Straight with McIntosh and special guest Grandmammy McIntosh — “Wizard of ASS!!!”. Third, Census Worker where Tina Fey is going door-to-door interviewing people who didn’t return their forms. Fourth, I’m guessing this was an alternate open — Times Square Bomber Press Conference — but it was also downgraded to Hulu-exclusive.

Line of the Week: A Weekend Update exchange during “Really!?! With Seth & Amy”. Amy: “There are terrorists to catch… and besides guys, ladies don’t care about penis size unless it’s really big or really small.” Seth: “Really?” Amy: “Really. I told you that before.” Seth (looking at the crowd): “You don’t know which I meant.”

Worst Skit: The Manuel Ortiz Show. They did this Latin talk show earlier in the season where the one-note joke was that the host and guests danced to salsa music all the time. This time it features Maya Rudolph and Ana Gasteyer. This was an unconscionable inclusion with the amount of talent they had on this show tonight. During the show, I thought it was awful of them to include another round of this terrible sketch and said this episode screamed for a new Bronx Beat or a new Debbie Downer. Then, Hulu posted BOTH a new Bronx Beat and Debbie Downer. The Manny Ortiz sketch was made 18-times worse with this knowledge.

Should Have Been Funnier: I have to say — nothing. Other than the Manuel Ortiz Show, everything else pretty much hit spot on. CSI: Sarasota wasn’t quite there (and I can’t link it because no sketches using music are ever available on Hulu) but the visual of Rachel Dratch dressed up as an old Jewish Man (who looked a lot like last week’s Mort Feingold made up for a lot. The ongoing “who would have wanted this 103-year-old man dead?” “Nature” could have stood a little more fleshing out but the sketch got its point across.

Digital Short: Golden Girls Tribute. Sadly, this also appears to be unavailable on Hulu likely due to using the Golden Girls theme song. Betty White appreciated the sentiment, but then pulled on a black facemask and performed the death metal version that she prefers.

Weekend Update

• Whitney Houston (Maya Rudolph): This also appears to be unavailable on Hulu. They did play small samples of Whitney songs during it as Rudolph tried to sing and either forgot the words, ran out of breath, or started coughing. She was there to defend her current tour and say the reviews stating her voice has gone to sh*t are just being mean.
• Sally O’Malley (Molly Shannon) and Dottie O’Donikan (Betty White): I think this was just an excuse to get an old Shannon character on. This was the woman who liked to “KICK” and was “50 years old”. Sally was 50 years old in the 2000s, so I think Sally O’Malley is pushing 60 at this point. Dottie O’Donikan was 90-years-old and was unimpressed by the 50-year-old shenanigans. “Accomplishments? You know what’s an accomplishment? Staying awake on the toilet.”
• Really?! With Seth, Amy, & Tina: This started off as Really?! With Seth and Amy about the Times Square bombing, which eventually got to the TSA agents fighting over small penises, the Dow crash “a guy can enter a billion dollar transaction without a manager approval? When I pay with a fifty at Starbucks it’s a four man operation”, and eventually Greece “where do you think your money’s going to come from? Royalties for inventing civilization?” This is where they wanted input from someone with Greek blood and it turned in to Really!?! With Seth, Amy, and Tina. “[Greece's] retirement age is 54? In America, old Greek people work the register at the diner until they die.”
• “A new law will prevent pedophiles from operating ice cream trucks. “Not Fair!” said kids who will now have to pay for their ice cream.”

Final Thoughts: My gut reaction is that this was the best show of the season. Jay-Z’s first segment was probably the top musical guest segment (even beating Pearl Jam, which kills me to admit). Update was great, hitting good nostalgic notes with Sally O’Malley and getting Amy and Tina behind the desk. The Digital Short got back to being funny instead of bizarre. If Manuel Ortiz had been replaced with a What Up With That (imagine Rudolph’s Oprah, Gasteyer’s topless Martha Stewert, or Shannon’s Courtney Love on with D’Andre Cole) or the Debbie Downer sketch, this would have been solid top-to-bottom. This would be the episode where I’d say “if you only watch one episode all season, watch this one” and “if you didn’t like this, you’re either going in to it preconvinced it’s not funny and trying not to laugh or SNL clearly isn’t your thing.”

Host: Ryan Phillippe (1). Even during Ryan Phillippe/Freddie Prinze Jr. he never got the hosting gig. It took him getting attached to a SNL character movie to get the nod. In other news, Freddie Prinze Jr hosted SNL a decade ago. Jesus. Pretty funny monologue where Target Lady and Dick In A Box guy want their own movies.

Musical Guest: Ke$ha (1). I imagined this was going to be bad because she was terrible on Idol and can’t sing without auto-tune. When I first heard Tik-Tok, I thought it was the one of the worst songs ever recorded — like, it’s Fergalicious bad. First off; why would a 19-year-old girl wake up in the morning feeling like an African-American billionaire of questionable talent? And why would the same 19-year-old girl be out in a club kicking aside guys unless they look like a 60-year-old scarecrow? What’s that? Her mother writes lyrics for her? Got it. Then I heard Blah Blah Blah and that was even worse.

Best Skit: Shake Weight DVD. SNL points out what every guy thinks while watching this commercial.

Honorable Mention: Hip Hop Kids 2. Ryan Phillippe takes Timberlake’s slot in Hip Hop Kids. Samberg plays the straight man trying to convince his friends that it’s not the best idea to mess with bears.

Line of the Week: “Trying to avoid the stork? Use this little vagina cork. Today’s sponge… 80% effective.” From another ESPN Classic — Women’s Weightlifting.

Character of the Week: Father Swimcoach Scoutmaster. If for no other reason that when he came out, it made me laugh really hard.

Worst Skit: Teen Talk 2. I don’t know, I didn’t really get this sketch the first time and the second one really didn’t improve on it. Maybe if they did away with the “host can’t hear you” gimmick and just gave them like inappropriate, oblivious father advice? It seems like this idea should be good.

Should Have Been Funnier: Outrageous Clown Posse. This is one of those times where the source material is so full of unintentional comedy that there is nothing SNL could have done that would have been funnier to non-Juggalos then the original. Seriously, Shaggy 2 Dope deadpanning “F*cking magnets… how do they work?” like it’s a deep question is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen this year. I also have to thank Overthinking It for letting me know that the hysterical Underground Festival sketch was actually a parody of an infomercial for Gathering Of The Juggalos 2009. I should have noticed when Sudekis said “what up, ninjas?” Speaking of Sudekis, I’m sad to report the passing of DJ Supersoak, who died during that sketch.

Digital Short: The Other Man. The Digital Shorts are getting increasingly out there. Samberg’s character plagues Phillippe’s life.

Weekend Update

• James Carville (Hader): Talking about President Obama’s comment that the Tea Party members should be thanking him and, later, about Tea Partiers and their signs. “I know I look like a Cajun Gollum and I scare babies.”
• Secondhand News With Angelo Crispino (Moynihan): Making fun of the guy in the office who’s never quite gets the news right. Meh.
• Father Swimcoach Scoutmaster (Forte): Ever parent’s worst nightmare. Poor Will Forte always has to play child molesters.
• “A 3 year old girl walked along a tightrope above six tigers at a local zoo and the only way that story ended well is if the girl fell in and the tigers raised her instead of her terrible parents.”

Final Thoughts: Pretty average show top-to-bottom. Phillippe was OK but I’m sad there wasn’t at least one MacGruber sketch to promote the movie.

Host: Jude Law (2). Fun fact, the last time Jude Law hosted his musical guest was Ashlee Simpson. Yeah, the lip-sync incident. Sadly, it appears all copies of that video have been eradicated from the Internetz. Jude Law’s monologue gives us a day in the life of an actor playing Hamlet on Broadway. “I come back out and Ophelia’s dead. No idea why, I’ve never seen that scene.”

Musical Guest: Pearl Jam (4). I thought Pearl Jam might get the rarefied three-song appearance tonight, but they didn’t. They performed Just Breathe and Unthought Known off the new album Backspacer. Just Breathe is an odd song. It sounds like a leftover from Eddie Vedder’s solo album but I genuinely love it. One of my friends has claimed it as a wedding song. The second song is one I haven’t spent a lot of time with but loved the live performance. Pearl Jam’s post-Vitalogy discography has started to retroactively grow on me in the last six months. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older and don’t have the expectation for every album to sound like Ten, if 21st Century Breakdown taught me what a band who makes the same album for 20 years looks like, or if it’s just because of the Nickleback crap that passes off as rock these days. Most folks have agreed it’s just because I’m old.

Cameos: Julian Casablancas from the Strokes and Jerry Seinfeld.

Best Skit: Secret Word: The game show formula works for me. Come for Jude Law’s codpiece. Stay for the racist jabs at the black contestant from a 1967 game show host.

Honorable Mention: Two this week. First is the Broadview Security spoof. I’m not sure if these commercials are regional to the Northeast or national, but they’re probably only funny if you’ve seen the ridiculous commercial on which it’s based. The second being their shot at Toyota in the style of a Ford commercial. Keenan’s reaction when Abbey asks him if he’s stepped on the brakes is gold.

Line of the Week: Eric Massa exchange in the cold open: “What are you doing?” “Snorkeling.” “Then why is my dick in your mouth?”

Character of the Week: Jude Law’s Martine. Instead of sneakily being a serial killer, he just finds women on holiday in Spain and promises them the weekend of their lives before killing the with poison.

Worst Skit: Talk Show With Ravish: I know what they were going for here, I think. But it missed. A dad uses his pull to get Jude Law to appear on his son’s practice talk show so he can move to America and make millions. I think it needed to be more over the top to get where they wanted.

Should Have Been Funnier: Nightmare At 20,000 Feet: Just too long for a moderately funny punchline. I know they occasionally need to make long skits to fill time and all, but this was just the same joke over-and-over until it finally ended.

Digital Short Boombox: One of only two songs left on Incredibad that hadn’t been made in to a video already. Look for Norah Jones to be a musical guest soon so they can finally Dreamgirl done. This featured Julian Casablancas from The Strokes just like the album track.

Weekend Update

• Really? With Seth And Jerry Seinfeld: Pretty much dominated Weekend Update. I think Keenan also did a stint as Whoopi Goldberg in this update but the Seinfeld bit was really the only bit worth watching again. The subject is Eric Massa who, if you forgot due to the nature of the American attention span, was the dude who resigned for having tickle-parties with staffers. He took a beating this episode. One complaint — don’t make Jerry Seinfeld read off cue cards for God’s sake. Let him roll.
• “Harry Smith the co-anchor of CBS’s The Early Show had a colonoscopy Wednesday live on the air — so I hope you remembered to set your Tivo……… on fire.”

Final Thoughts: Overall a strong episode with a great musical guest. A really good comedic actor usually translates to SNL gold and this week was no different. I don’t know why I sat on this in my queue for a month. I guess when SNL went in to their Spring Break, so did I.