One New York Life

• The Giants will never go to Tampa and win a road playoff game with Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning.
• The Giants will never go to Dallas and beat them. Romo is too good and they already lost the Cowboys twice this year.
• The Giants will never go to Lambeau and take down Brett Favre in one of his magical playoff runs
• The Giants have no shot to beat the Patriots. They’re the best offense of all time.
• The Giants won’t beat the Falcons. Matty Ice is too good and he’ll finally get his first win behind this awesome offensive line.
• This time, the Giants really won’t win in Lambeau. Aaron Rodgers and that offense is way too high powered for the Giants to keep up with.
• The Giants can’t beat the Niners. Alex Smith is too good and the Harbaugh defense is too much. A finesse offense has no shot in sloppy Candlestick.
• I’m sorry. Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning are not as formidable a pair as the Bs. The Patriots record when they lose to a team in the regular season is 8,659-0.

SU: 11-5 (153-87)
ATS: 10-6 (123-117)

Sunday

Redskins +9 at Eagles: There’s two ways this game can go. Either the Eagles can quit and decide they want Andy Reid fired. Or, they can play their asses off, kill the Skins, and save his job. Actually, there’s a 3rd option: Always take more than 3 points in an NFC East game. Redskins +9

Niners -9 at Rams: I’m not a fan of covering big spreads on the road. I’m also not a fan of big spreads in games when guys will be out as soon as the game is in hand. Rams +9

Lions -2.5 at Packers: This is weird. Neither team is playing for anything…. so does that mean Vegas thinks the Lions second string is equally as good as the Packers? Or that the Lions 2nd string will be trying to lose so they can play the Giants or Cowboys? Packers cover

Bears -1 at Vikings: I’m not a Bears’ fan or anything, but boy I’d be mad if my team gave away a playoff season by not signing one of like a dozen competent quarterbacks available to try and save a playoff season. Like…. signing Kyle Randy wouldn’t have been worth an extra 2 wins? And now, knowing the Bears’ history with free agents, they might let Matt Forte walk? If I were a Bears’ fan, they’d be as dead to me as the Mets. Vikings outright

Panthers +7.5 at Saints: I don’t know much about the Panthers coach, but if I were him, boy I’d be excited at the prospect of my offense next year now that I know what I had. The Cam Newton show is going to be fun to watch for the next few years. As for this game, I think Drew’s going to go for 5200 and call it a day. Oh, and side point: anyone who talked about “running up the score” on the Falcons last week — unless you said the same thing when they beat the Colts by 60 points, shut the fuck up. Also, there’s no such thing as “running up the score” in professional sports. It’s like saying that Coke should be more sporting against Pepsi. Shut up. Panthers +7.5

Titans -2.5 at Texans: Titans playing all out in a game in which the Texans don’t really care? Titans cover

Bills +12.5 at Patriots: PLR’s grandmother lives about 2 miles from Rich Stadium…. basically on the same road. If you don’t think I was kind of upset that we didn’t get to do Christmas Dinner there, thus getting Tebow vs. Buffalo as my pregame to Christmas, you don’t know me very well. Bills +12.5

Jets +1 at Dolphins: The Jets do need to actually win this game. I do think they’re actually better than the Dolphins. Thus…. Jets outright

Colts +5 at Jaguars: Maurice Jones-Drew. Jaguars cover

Chargers +3 at Raiders: This is a really hard game for me to pick. On one hand, I think the Raiders are actually better than the Chargers this year. On the other hand, I do think the Chargers are good enough to knock off the Raiders in a division game and ruin any chance they had. However, as a person who was 100% for the Carson Palmer trade, I have to pick the Raiders even though they’re having as bad an injury season as the Giants. Raiders cover

Seahawks +3 at Cardinals: Eh. Home team. Cardinals cover

Bucs +13.5 at Falcons: Boy, I’d rather travel to New York or Dallas than New Orleans or San Francisco. Bucs +13.5

Ravens -2.5 at Bengals: The Bengals control their own destiny here. If they win, they make a whole lot of things irrelevant, which is why this is a 4pm game. However, I think that the Ravens get themselves a bye. Ravens cover

Chiefs +3 at Broncos: T… T…. Tebow? Broncos cover

Steelers -7 at Browns: As the Steelers are playing this game at the same time as the Ravens, I think they’re still going to go all out. Steelers cover

Cowboys +3 at Giants: For the record, having an additional playoff game sucks. Bad. I’m not prepared for it and may have to watch the game somewhere other than my apartment where I can buy a pack of cigarettes and chain smoke somewhere where I can’t get judgmental glares from the Future Mrs. TDL. If Osi, Tuck, and JPP are all on the field at the same time, I like the Giants chances — not just next week, but for the next four. If they’re not…. scared. I’m kind of confident the Giants can hang with Dallas score wise. I’m half confident that the Giants defense comes to play. At least the pass rush. Also, I guess playoff rules apply here. This covers Simmons whole “shaky quarterback on the road in the playoffs” theory. Giants cover

Pick 4

Last Week: 3-1 (32-28)
We really tilted Week 15, which saw a solid 0 wins. Then came back last week with 3. We would like to take one final win in the league but, given our ability to win 3 instead of 4, it doesn’t look good.

Dolphins -1.5 over Jets
Raiders -2.5 over Chargers
Broncos -3.5 over Chiefs
Giants -2.5 over Cowboys

SU: 8-8 (142-82)
ATS: 7-9 (113-111)

Thursday

Texans -6.5 at Colts: Home dog on Thursday. Colts outright

Sunday

Raiders +1 at Chiefs: Must win game for the Raiders and the Chiefs are itching for a let-down following last week. Raiders outright

Broncos -3 at Bills: Tebow. Broncos cover

Jaguars +8 at Titans: I think last week cured me of my irrational desire to take the Jaguars as a sexy pick to cover. Titans cover

Cards +4.5 at Bengals: Did everyone know the Cardinals have won their last four in a row? And also that this is basically a playoff game? If we were betting on a Cardinals/Bengals playoff game, I guess we’d be more worried about the rookie coach/quarterback and think about the best player on the field, right? Cardinals outright

Dolphins +10.5 at Patriots: It’s kind of tough to ever assume anyone’s going to cover big spreads at New England now, right? Dolphins +10.5

Browns +14.5 at Ravens: The Ravens play down to their competition like the Giants. Browns +14.5

Giants +3 at Jets: My favorite part of Rex Ryan is that he honestly believes that beating the Giants in a regular season game will crown the Jets the kings of New York. You know who gets caught up in big brother/little brother debates? Little brother. That said, please don’t lose to the Jets. Giants outright

Vikings +6 at Redskins: Eh. Redskins cover

Bucs +7 at Panthers: The Bucs are dead. Long live Superman. Panthers cover

Rams +14.5 at Steelers: I’m pretty sure the Rams gave up a month ago, but I don’t think a team that normally plays slop is going to hang 40 on anyone with a hobbled QB. Rams +14.5

Chargers +2.5 at Lions: It’s dumb to bet against the Chargers when they finally start their December roll, right? Chargers outright

Niners -3 at Seahawks: If the Niners are vulnerable to Cardinals on the road, can we guess they’re vulnerable to the Seahawks on the road? They have to be, right? Seahawks outright

Eagles +3 at Cowboys: You know the funny thing about the Cowboys in a playoff game against the Eagles? I really think the Eagles are better. It’s fortunate for the division that they didn’t figure that out until too late. Eagles outright

Bears +12 at Packers: Packers. Lambeau. Expect 45. Packers cover

Monday

Falcons +7 at Saints: Everyone’s going to use last week’s rout to forget the Falcons are not good on the road. Saints cover

SU: 13-3 (134-74)
ATS: 10-6 (106-102)

Thursday

Jaguars +11 at Falcons: Remember a few weeks back when I said there’s no lonelier feeling in the world than having Tavaris Jackson to win a game when the Patriots are being the Patriots? I was wrong. There is no lonelier feeling than white knighting a Jaguars pick in the Pick 4 contest for an entire day, winning the argument, then watching that game unfold. Going from, yeah they’re going to win to yeah they can still cover to yeah maybe they’ll take out Matt Ryan. I’ve never felt worse about something in my gambling life. As it turns out, while Thursday games are still slop, sometimes only one team turns in slop. Also, if you started the Falcons defense, congratulations on your Fantasy Bowl win. Jaguars +11

Saturday

Cowboys -6 at Bucs: Until I sat down to do these picks this morning, I had no idea this game was last night. I spent most of the week, though, assuming that Dallas would woodshed Tampa. Let’s not forget they probably should have won the last two games. Cowboys cover

Sunday

Redskins +7 at Giants: In most cases, I’d never take one of these games to cover 7. However, with an early season loss to avenge…. and Rex Grossman. Giants cover

Packers -14 at Chiefs: Even though it’s Arrowhead, I’m not taking the Chiefs to be the team to knock off the Pack. However, I’m also still anti “high points on the road” this year. Chiefs +14

Saints -7.5 at Vikings: Peterson’s back. That’s enough against this Saints defense to guess they’ll probably not cover more than a TD. Vikings +7.5

Seahawks +4.5 at Bears: You know, after watching Tavaris Jackson on TV a couple weeks… I’m starting to come around to the fact he might not actually be a bad quarterback, but had a pretty shitty situation in Minnesota. Seahawks outright

Dolphins -1.5 at Bills: It’s finally cold in the northeast, which means I’m taking the quarterback with the manly beard. Bills outright

Panthers +6.5 at Texans: Texans. Home. I don’t like Superman that much. Texans cover

Titans -6.5 at Colts: Boy, is my “home dog on Thursday” rule going to be put to the test next week, when the Colts get about 14 at home against the Texans. Titans cover

Bengals -3.5 at Rams: Dear Steve: I have a feeling there will be a defensive coordinator job open in NY next season. We’d love to have you back. Love, Tom. Bengals cover

Lions +1 at Raiders: This is pretty much the Raiders’ last chance at the division. I’m guessing the Patriots will take down the Tebows. It’s all going to pretty much come down to if Suh can keep his own head and if the Raider line can prevent him from removing Palmer’s. We’ll see. Raiders cover

Patriots -5.5 at Broncos: Seriously folks… let’s all settle down. Patriots cover

Jets +1.5 at Eagles: The Eagles are still playing for a 3-way 8-8 divisional tie. Is Shonn Green the type of runningback to embarrass the Eagles? I don’t think he is. Welcome to Vickland, Jets’ fans. Eagles cover

Browns +7 at Cardinals: It’s 1:00, so….. Cardinals cover

Ravens -2 at Chargers: The Ravens are trash on the West Coast. Chargers outright

Monday

Steelers +2 at Niners: Please. Steelers outright

Pick 4

Consecutive weeks of 3 wins. Yay.

Jaguars +11.5 over Falcons
Giants -7.5 over Redskins
Raiders +0.5 over Lions
Broncos +6.5 over Patriots

SU: 10-6 (121-71)
ATS: 10-6 (96-96)

Thursday

Browns +13.5 at Steelers: Thursday slop. Browns +13.5

Sunday

Colts +15 at Ravens: Did you know that the Patriots allowing 3 garbage time touchdowns for the first time in Belicheck’s history as coach ruined my chance at $500 last week? Gambling’s wonderful. Ravens cover

Texans +2.5 at Bengals: I’m in for the TJ Yates experience. Maybe the Texans are just built that well. Texans outright

Raiders +12 at Jets: I loved the Raiders to cover this until they lost yet another offensive player. Now I like them to lose the division to TEBOW~! Packers cover

Chiefs +9 at Jets: The Jets are due to drop a game and give the Giants the chance to knock them out of the playoffs. Also, it’s possible Kyle Orton might be the best QB on the field. And by possible I mean probable. Chiefs +9

Vikings +7 at Lions: I know the Vikings are on the road and all, but we know they scored 30 on a really good defense last week, that the Lions apparently can’t collapse fast enough, they’re missing their best player on defense, it’s a divisional game, and the Vikings even without AP aren’t terrible. Vikings +7

Saints -5.5 at Titans: This was a hotly debated pick in the Pick 4 pool. I was fully in on the Saints (only -3.5 there) and others were fully in on the Titans. Maybe hanging 40 on the world hasn’t been enough? Saints cover

Eagles +3 at Dolphins: The Eagles are due for a bounceback game where they surprise everyone with a win. Except the fact that I kind of think they quit, and a half-bye week isn’t going to help their sync. And their defense still isn’t good. Dolphins cover

Patriots -8.5 at Redskins: My argument against picking the Patriots this week was that apparently, in this new world where they give up garbage time TDs and take their foot off the gas, anyone can cover a touchdown against them. What I’d say is — if the Redskins cover this spread, it’s really time to reevaluate what we know about Belicheck’s teams. Patriots cover

Falcons -2.5 at Panthers: Not gonna lie….. I got Superman. Panthers outright

Bucs -1 at Jaguars: At this point, I’ll take the MJD express against terrible teams. Jaguars outright

Niners -4 at Cardinals: You ever see a spread that’s so inexplicably low that it wraps back around and makes you convinced you’re missing something. This is one of those times. Niners cover*

Bears +3 at Broncos: Tebow. Broncos cover

Bills +4.5 at Chargers: Poor Buffalo. Chargers cover*

Giants +4 at Cowboys: If everything I know about the Cowboys and the Giants hold true, the Cowboys will buckle in a high pressure, primetime, basically-a-playoff game. The Giants will not. Story and I’m sticking to it. Giants outright*

Monday

Rams +6.5 at Seahawks: Did you know that if the Giants and Seahawks tie for the six-seed, the Seahawks would take a playoff game from the Giants again. Boy, I can’t wait. Seahawks cover

Pick 4

Last Week: 3-1 (29-23)
The Patriots gave up 3 garbage time touchdowns. Awesome.

Niners -3.5 over Cardinals
Chargers -5.5 over Bills
Giants +3.5 over Cowboys
Seahawks -6.5 over Rams

SU: 11-5 (111-65)
ATS: 9-7 (86-90)

It appears I missed a week.

Thursday

Eagles -2 at Seahawks: Home dog on Thursday rule. Seahawks outright

Sunday

Titans +1.5 at Bills: Now that the Bills appear to be safely out of it, they can grab a home game. Bills cover

Chiefs +8 at Bears: How done is Donovan McNabb if the Bears won’t even sign him to back up Caleb Hanie? Like, superdone, right? Chiefs +8

Raiders +3 at Dolphins: We all remember that the Dolphins were considered bad not three weeks ago, right? And also that they really don’t play well at home? Raiders outright

Bengals +7.5 at Steelers: In the general case, the Steelers win sloppy and the Bengals cover spreads. Bengals +7.5

Ravens -7 at Browns: It would appear the Browns can only really play the Bengals in the division. Ravens cover

Jets -3.5 at Redskins: I wanted this as a pick 4 selection. Reason being is that the Redskins win last week was a fluke. Rex Grossman made a Rex Grossman throw and it happened to be caught instead of intercepted. I find that less likely against the Jets. Jets cover

Falcons +1 at Texans: This is one of those things where you wonder if the QB is even necessary to the Texans success. I’m gonna say it is. Falcons outright

Panthers +3.5 at Bucs: When you talk about how important winning is to the storyline in the NFL, look no further than Cam Newton. He’s pretty awesome and an afterthought. Tebow is pretty awful and is the national story because the Broncos keep winning. Go figure. Panthers +3.5

Colts +21 at Patriots: The only way the Patriots don’t cover this spread is if Bill Belicheck decides to try and cover it with his back up QB to be squirrely. Patriots cover

Broncos +1.5 at Vikings: Tebow. Broncos outright

Rams +13 at Niners: I don’t love the Niners to cover huge spreads yet. I can’t get on board. Rams +13

Cowboys -6.5 at Cards: Smells like a trap. Cards +6.5

Packers -6.5 at Giants: I hate this game, mostly because I want to believe that the Giants will stop the slide by doing what they do — play a great game against a team that should wallop them. The problem: by the end of last week’s game, the Giants were rushing 3 and Brees was STILL picking them apart. The only way I’d like the Giants in this game is if the entire first string defense was playing. It’s not. Giants +6.5

Lions +7.5 at Saints: No Suh? After what I just watched? Saints cover

Monday

Chargers -3 at Jaguars: The Chargers have been waiting for a team to unleash hell on. A team that just had a coach tossed? Yup. Chargers cover

Pick 4

The Redskins stupid fluke win last week ruined a win. It ruined it so bad I wasn’t allowed to use the home dog on Thursday rule by my partners. I’ve had great fun rubbing it in their face for two days.

Last Week: 3-1 (26-22)

Broncos -0.5 over Vikings
Patriots -20.5 over Colts
Saints -7.5 over Lions
Chargers -2.5 over Jaguars

SU: 9-5 (100-60)
ATS: 6-8 (77-83)

Thursday

Packers -6 at Lions: I chose these games on Facebook. I suppose you can choose not to believe me, but I was dumb enough to pick Lions +6 and admit it publicly.

Dolphins +7 at Cowboys: Too many points. Dolphins +7

Niners +3.5 at Ravens: While the west coast team traveling east been overblown, it hasn’t been overblown on 3 days rest. Ravens cover*

Sunday

Cardinals +3 at Rams: While I don’t like picking games on some kind of gambler’s fallacy mojo — a 3rd consecutive road game is very hard to win. Rams cover

Bills +8 at Jets: Are we really trusting the Jets to dismantle the Bills by 2 scores for the second time in four weeks? Really? Bills outright

Browns +7 at Bengals: Hey, it’s the game that knocked me out of all my Pick’em Pools in Week 1. And I’m picking the same team again. Bengals cover

Texans -3 at Jaguars: I know in the world of today’s NFL that a guy isn’t any good if he’s not good out of the gate. Here’s the thing: we’re assuming that Ken Whisenhunt knows something about quarterbacks when, before now, his only quarterback decision was “start the hall of famer over the rookie.” Remember how we wrote off David Carr because he got sacked like 150 times in a season and now he’s a back-up somewhere? I think Leinart’s going to be pretty good. And I think he’s going to start somewhere next year. Texans cover*

Panthers -3.5 at Colts: So Painter’s still starting, the Colts are not even examining signing Kyle Randy Orton, Carson Palmer was available for the first seven weeks, and we’re still pretending the Colts are trying to win football games? Will the league examine this? No? Panthers cover

Bucs +3.5 at Titans: Two mediocre teams? Home team. Titans cover

Vikings +8.5 at Falcons: While I kinda hate the Falcons to cover a large spread, can you find 20 points for the Vikings without the threat of Adrian Peterson? I can’t. Falcons cover*

Bears +3.5 at Raiders: I saw the dawning of the Caleb Hanie era last year. It wasn’t atrocious, but I wouldn’t bet on it either. Raiders cover

Redskins +4.5 at Seahawks: OK, so let’s pretend the Skins threw everything in to a divisional game and still lost by a point. Now let’s pretend they have to go to the other coast and not get clobbered. Seahawks cover*

Patriots -4.5 at Eagles: Stupid Eagles. The lesson here is when creating a rule about not betting on an NFC East team with more than 3 points to stick to it. Also, heck no. Patriots cover

Broncos +6.5 at Chargers: Tebow. Points. I’m in. Broncos +6.5

Steelers -10 at Chiefs: Will a bye week be enough to keep this game within 10? I don’t think so. Steelers cover

Monday

Giants +6.5 at Saints: The loss to the Eagles is really bad. It’s not unexpected, really, as that’s how this division works, but really bad. The Giants don’t have an easy game left on their schedule. The Cowboys only have two games left against over .500 teams. Both of those teams are the Giants. If the Giants can’t knock off either New Orleans or Green Bay, the Cowboys are going to blow past them in a division they should have had in hand. No sir…. I don’t like it. Giants +6.5

Pick 4

Last Week: 1-3 (23-21)
Ravens -3.5 over Niners
Falcons -8.5 over Vikings
Texans -3.5 over Jaguars
Seahawks -4.5 over Redskins

SU: 6-10 (91-55)
ATS: 8-8 (71-75)

Thursday

Jets -4.5 at Broncos: Twitter pick. Jets cover*. I hated this pick when we made it… for the primary reason that 1) I love home underdogs on the Thursday night game in general. 2) You don’t taunt Happy Fun Tebow. 3) I didn’t think the Jets were good enough to fly across two time zones, adjust to the environment in Denver, and play a football game in 3 days. 4) YOU DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN TEBALL. But seriously, unless it’s the Lions on Thanksgiving (historically) Thursday night games are slop. Slop favors home. Give me home and points, I’ll take it every single time. I was overruled. We lost. I have been insufferable since. For what it’s worth, my picks were Denver, Buffalo, Jacksonville, and NYG. It ended up being NYJ, Buffalo, Detroit, and NYG.

Sunday

Titans +6.5 at Falcons: I’d make the suggestion here that the Titans are a team I can’t get any handle on this season, but if my picks these last two weeks were any indication, I don’t have much of a grasp on anything. I don’t like this game for a couple of reasons — first of which the head coach thinks the defense is so bad that he conceded the game to go for it in a situation when they still had to go 40 yards for a field goal. Oh, and the Falcons already kinda suck on the road. Titans +6.5

Bills +2 at Dolphins: I mean, come on people. Two bad beats by two good teams is not quite enough to make the Bills an underdog against a team who, as recently as 3 weeks ago, we were questioning if they’d win a game this season. Bills outright

Bengals +7.5 at Ravens: Can we officially rename the Ravens to The Frustrating Baltimore Ravens? I mean, squeaking out a win vs the Cardinals, followed by beating the Steelers, followed by dropping a game to the Seahawks? I hate everything about this pick. Bengals +7.5

Jaguars +1 at Browns: I understand the Jags aren’t a very good team, but it would appear the Browns are physically unable to 1) score and 2) win a game at home. The Jaguars aren’t really “good” by any means, but it seems like any mediocre team is able to beat the Browns in their building. Jaguars outright

Raiders +1.5 at Vikings: This has all the makings of another sneaky loss for the Raiders. They like dropping the occasional stinkbomb just to keep their fans on their sorry toes. I must say, though, they’d be in much better shape if they had Kyle Boller and their draft picks. I’m sure they’d still be playing to keep a division lead. Raiders outright

Panthers +7 at Lions: The Lions have been waiting on another bad team to bully around. Especially considering the Bears, arguably, embarassed the crap out of them last week. I think they win huge here and, man, is Lions +8 going to be a tempting Thursday night pick. Lions outright

Bucs +13 at Packers: At this point, there’s not a spread you can give me at Lambeau big enough to not take the Packers. I also realize I don’t like picking the Bucs…. I just like making JAAAAASH Freeman references. Packers cover

Cowboys -8 at Redskins: Man there are a lot of things to hate about taking the Cowboys here. First it’s an NFC East game with more than 3 points. Second, this is the type of game in the division that turn in to shocking upsets. But……. the Redskins STILL have nothing to make me believe they can score any points. The rule is never take more than 3 points unless you really mean it. I really mean it. Cowboys cover

Cardinals +9.5 at Niners: Apparently John Skelton is good enough to discover the “throw the shit to Larry Fitzgerald” plan. Cardinals +9.5

Seahawks +2.5 at Rams: Seahawks on the road. Rams cover

Chargers +4 at Bears: The Chargers are holding on to some basic respect… but they certainly seem to have given up. Too bad they fired a way better coach off a 14-2 season. Eli totes should have played there. Bears cover

Eagles +3.5 at Giants: I hate this game. This has all the indications of one of those stupid NFC East games where a dead team does their last gasp, get after it one more time, to screw another divisional team and gamblers all at the same time. Here’s the thing, the Niners are for real and very good, but on the 4th and 2 play that ended the game if Eli happens to turn his head an inch to his right, he sees a wide-open Demarcus Ware who walks in to the end zone for a touchdown. Them’s the breaks. However, in this case, I still don’t see a universe in which anyone tackles Brandon Jacobs. Ever. They don’t have a single tackling linebacker. If Jacobs breaks through the defensive line… he scores. Every time. What I’m saying is: start Brandon Jacobs. As a happy aside, I think Andy Reid’s going to get fired and my nightmare of Andy Reid and Vince Young haunting my soul for the next decade won’t come to fruition. Giants cover

Monday

Chiefs +12 at Patriots: Boy, did everyone overrate that four game win streak by the Chiefs or what? Patriots cover

Pick 4

Last Week: 2-2 (22-18)

Jets -4.5 over Chiefs :(
Lions -6.5 over Panthers
Bills +2.5 over Dolphins
Giants -3.5 over Eagles

SU: 8-6 (85-45)
ATS: 4-10 (63-67)

Thursday

Raiders +6.5 at Chargers: Twitter pick: I hate thursday games. I’m changing my mind and I’ll hate myself in about 3 hours. Raiders +6.5. As it turned out, I only half hated myself. But everyone was right… Kyle Boller and next year’s draft pick would have totally won this game for the Raiders.

Sunday

Steelers -3 over Bengals: I love lines that are massive overreactions. Steelers cover

Broncos +3.5 at Chiefs: I know that we think Tim Tebow has mystical powers and all but…… Tebow at Arrowhead off a game they absolutely should have lost? Yes please. Chiefs cover

Jaguars -3 at Colts: I’ve been saying for weeks that this is the most winnable game left on the Colts schedule. I’d feel really bad if I got here and picked against them. Of course, I’m going to feel even more dumb when I lose this. Colts outright

Bills +5 at Cowboys: Do we think one loss against a team that’s a bad match-up suddenly makes the Bills that much worse than a team that’s only beat one over .500 team all year and the combined record of three of their four wins is 6-13? And we’re GIVING the Bills 5? Bills outright

Texans -3 at Bucs: The Bucs really, really need to steal this game. After this, five of their last seven games are on the road. I can’t come up with a good reason to pick the Bucs other than I think the world might end if the Texans win four games in a row. Also I hate the Texans as a road favorite. Bucs outright

Titans +3 at Panthers: I hate 2-win favorites, but I’m ready for another killer fantasy day by Cam Newton. Panthers cover

Redskins +3.5 at Dolphins: I’m picking against the Redskins the rest of the year unless they have like 16 points. To be clear, there isn’t another NFL team to which the Redskins should be getting less than 16 points. I’d only make them 7 point favorites to a college team because someone would still have to complete a pass to score. Dolphins cover*

Saints -1 at Falcons: This might be sacrilegious, but I think the Falcons might be a little better than the Saints. Everyone’s noticed the Saints really don’t stop people on defense, right? And they’re on the road? Yeah. Saints cover

Lions +1 at Bears: So here’s the big challenge for the new Bears offense. If Jay Cutler doesn’t get sacked 15 times, then it’s working. If it doesn’t, he might die. I’m voting on murder. Always vote for murder. Lions outright

Rams +2 at Browns: I am wagering on two things here. 1) Steven Jackson can single-handedly do better than the six points. 2) The downward spiral of Colt McCoy’s career continuing unabated. Rams outright*

Cardinals +14 at Eagles: Way way way too many points. I understand the whole idea of the Eagles coming back on a bad team with a vengeance, but the team has to be “good” before they can massacre another team. Even at home. Right? Cardinals +14

Ravens -7 at Seahawks: This game has let-down potential written all over it. Seahawks +7

Giants +3.5 at Niners: Hey, look at that. The Giants knock off the Patriots at 9 point dogs and are still underdogs. Against a team rolling through the worst division in professional sports. Who would’ve thunk? Giants outright*

Patriots +1 at Jets: I will be stunned if the Jets knock off the Patriots. First of all, the Patriots are still good — the Giants just have their number for some reason. Second, the Giants relied on two clutch fourth quarter drives to win that game. If the Jets could put together one solid fourth quarter drive, well, they wouldn’t have dropped the AFC Championship game in consecutive years. The Jets win on mistakes and luck. This is why they hopefully won’t ruin my Christmas. Patriots outright

Monday

Vikings +14 at Packers: Too many points for a division game. And I want the Packers to still be undefeated when they come to Giants stadium. Vikings +14

Pick 4

Last Week: 2-2 (20-16)

Rams +2.5 over Browns
Chiefs -3.5 over Broncos
Dolphins -3.5 over Redskins
Giants +3.5 over Niners.

SU: 10-3 (77-39)
ATS: 9-4 (59-57)

F**k the Saints. That is all.

Sunday

Falcons -7 at Colts: I think I have a new rule about teams that are touchdown favorites on the road following bye weeks. But, Jeeeeeeeesus the Colts are bad. With a big divisional battle looming….. calling trap. Colts +7

Bucs +7.5 at Saints: Oh….. oh Tampa. Wrong place, wrong time. Saints cover

Browns +10.5 at Texans: Fun fact: the Browns have still only lost by more than 10 once this year. I still haven’t seen a snap of a Browns game. Browns +10.5

Jets +1.5 at Bills: I hate this game. I have everything about it. I hate that that the Jets are stupidly able to pull games out of their asses. I hate that Bills are coming off a lay-up in Toronto. I do, however, like that the Bills are home and the Jets are off a bye week. I also like that if this game and next week against the Patriots go badly for the Jets, they’re buried in the division. And boy is it going to be fun to watch a group of loudmouths turn on each other. Bills cover

Dolphins +5.5 at Chiefs: I can’t see any reason this spread isn’t 10. It’s either because 1) Vegas thinks that people still don’t buy the Chiefs or 2) Everyone but me thinks that the Chiefs are going to have a horrible let-down against a bad team. However…. the Dolphins are -really- bad. Fun fact: The Dolphins only play one more team this season that’s under .500. It’s not this week. Chiefs cover

Niners -3.5 at Redskins: 3.5? What? I know I’m the guy who usually pimps the NFC East against other divisions and all… but seriously — the Redskins have no offensive playmakers. None. How have the Redskins not joined the trash pile? Niners cover

Seahawks +12.5 at Cowboys: Cowboys at home against a bad team? By the way? What’s worse for Tony Romo: the fact that Phil Rivers made such a gaffe last week it reminded everyone of Tony Romo or that when someone coined the term “Romoment” everyone knew what it meant? Joe Pisarcik: you’re finally off the hook. Cowboys cover

Broncos +8 at Raiders: So after all my talking about Carson Palmer, I kind of have to pick the Raiders here, right? Look, I’m not on in the irrational Tebow hate because, you know, I find it hard to hate a guy who goes on missions and helps the poor and does the stuff that douches sitting behind their computers don’t even think about — but he’s kinda terrible and John Fox does not seem interested in changing any offensive plays to fit what he’s good at. I will never understand coaches who refuse to fit their players despite mounting losses. I saw it with Eric Mangini and Chad Pennington and it looks to be the same thing here. So celebrate Internet! You should have another week where you can hate a guy for the crime of being nice and liking God! Raiders cover

Bengals +3 at Titans: I got absolutely nothing. Two teams I haven’t seen anything from because I’m still living in a stupid apartment with no access to the NFL Package. Home team? Home team. Titans cover

Rams +4.5 at Cardinals: If you have Steven Jackson, don’t forget to start him He might run for all the yards. All. The. Yards. I kinda feel bad for the Rams since they haven’t had Bradford and Jackson together at all, but f**k the Cardinals… not the Arizona ones either. Rams +4.5

Giants +8 at Patriots: The first meeting of the Giants and Patriots since the greatest football day of my life. The Giants are currently a soft 5-2 and haven’t even started in to the hard part of their schedule yet. It starts now, by the way, and they don’t face another under .500 team until the Redskins in week 15. Where does anyone get the balls to think the Patriots can beat anyone by 8, much less a team who should be able to pick apart a soft secondary while doing the one thing Brady hates — pass rushing the shit out of him — really well? I love the Giants with 8 (9 now) and I even kinda love the Giants at +500. Giants outright

Packers -5.5 at Chargers: The Chargers play on Thursday next week. The Packers are coming off a bye. I complained about the Giants schedule… the Packers’ isn’t much better. If they go 14-2 or 15-1, they will have seriously earned it. The points are too much for me. Chargers +5.5

Ravens +3.5 at Steelers: So, the Steelers aren’t that old anymore, and probably going to be looking to lay a beating. Joe Flacco……….. watch your back. Steelers cover

Monday
Bears +6.6 at Eagles: Way too many points for a team that can’t stop Matt Forte. That thing I said earlier about all the yards? Seriously. All the yards. Bears +6.5

Pick 4

Last Week: 2-2 (18-14) — I joined the 2/3rds of the pick 4 league that got knocked out by the Saints in the 1:00 games and the Patriots finished me off.

Coming soon.