One New York Life

Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat

Brewed By: Samuel Adams
Brewed In: Boston, MA/Cincinnati, OH
ABV: Not specified, I’m going to guess low
Type: Wheat Ale

What they say: Hazy and Golden in color, this brew is a fresh twist on the popular Hefeweizen style. Eureka and Lisbon lemons, from three growing regions in California, balance out the wheat malt character, resulting in a crisp and refreshing wheat ale with subtle lemon flavor. Cheers

Website: Complaints about the website aside, I couldn’t find this beer on it. It’s a new beer in Winter Classics 2009 and information for it is pretty scattered around the web.

Why I picked it: The second of six beers in the Sam Adams Winter Classics 2009 sampler pack. It’s also the only new beer included in the pack.

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Presentation (5): Nothing Earth-shattering here. It’s the generic Samuel Adams labeling for spring/summer offerings. This one is blue in the center and ringed with yellow. The coloring and style is nearly identical to the Summer Ale labeling. It’s the mirror image with the same basic color palette. 2

Originality (5): It’s not exactly a hefeweizen and not exactly a wheat. It’s something in between. If I had to guess, they took their Hefeweizen recipe, increased the lemons, and actually filtered it. I can appreciate mixing up the recipe a bit to see what happens. 4

Body (10): “Twist on a Hefeweizen” appears to mean “Hefeweizen flavor without chunks of floating stuff.” The cloudy, golden color to the body is similar to the hefeweizen but I, for one, am a fan of the lack of yeasty chunks. Blending the Hefeweizen with the generally more masses-friendly Wheat Ale gives the beer a nice, crisp finish and and strong carbonation that, when combined with the lightness with the body, makes for a really drinkable beer. By blending out some of the more severe notes of the hefeweizen, the texture here is much more appetizing. 6

Taste (10): Very distinct lemon flavor that doesn’t quite go over in to “tastes and smells like Lemon Pledge” territory. It shares the crisp, refreshing flavor of most lemony wheat beers without falling prey to the syrupy oversweetness trap that some beers of this type fall in to. This beer simply lets the lemon be the star and balances out the citrus-crispness with the wheat malt. It works better than I expected. 9

Efficiency (10): Tough to rate here without knowing the ABV. Both their Hefeweizen and Cherry Wheat offerings are 5.4% so I’m going to assume this is right around there. For the moment, this beer is only available in the Winter Classics sampler but it smells like a preview for a new permanent offering. If it truly is 5.4%, and I’m going to work under the assumption that it is, then it’s an extremely easy beer to drink combined with (probably) a reasonable Samuel Adams price and an OK ABV. We like those three factors when they fall in that configuration. 7

Versatility (10): This is a great summer offering. It’s light, refreshing, and delicious. It’s a much more group-friendly flavor than Hefeweizen and something that the Coors Light crowd could even grow to love. 8

The Snob Sez: Odd choice to include in a winter offering sampler. Everything about this beer, from the colors on the packaging, to the name “coastal”, to the flavor screams “Summer Beer.” I would think, if Sam wanted to preview this, they would have included it in this year’s Summer Styles or Brewmaster Collection samplers. Out of place in a winter offering, but I look forward to seeing it placed in future Brewmasters’ Collection six-packs.

Final Score: 34 (of 50) – Good beer

Saranac Maple Porter

Brewed By: FX Matt Brewing
Brewed In: Utica, NY
ABV: 5.3%
Type: Porter

What They Say: Saranac Maple Porter is a robust, flavorful porter reminiscent of a by-gone era. True to brewing tradition, we’ve used dark caramel and chocolate malt as well as Fuggles and East Kent Goldings hops for a smooth, yet slightly bitter, roasted flavor. Look for hints of maple syrup flavoring used in this deliciously different brew. Enjoy!

Website: The Saranac website is unchanged from last year’s 12 Beers series. They have, however, added Club Saranac. The fact Saranac has a club, a nice brewery, and a Summer Band Schedule is the one thing that would make life in Utica tolerable. I say this after having spent a week in Utica once. It was……. unpleasant.

Why I Picked It: Weirdly, the Saranac posts do pretty well on Google and, since Saranac invited me to a preview of this back in October (which I sadly couldn’t attend because it was in Utica… on a Thursday) I’ll be running this concurrently with the Samuel Adams Winter Classics review. This is beer one of six in this year’s 12 Beers Of Winter.

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Presentation (5): As we discussed last year, Saranac’s thing is double colored labels with a watercolor of some sort which may or may not have anything to do with the beer. With the rating system I used last year, I generally gave 4s if the painting had something to do with the beer and 3 if it didn’t. 4

Originality (5): I spent some trying to remember if I’ve ever seen another Maple Porter from a craft brewer. On Google, the only results ahead of Saranac’s are a homebrew recipe and a Site That Shall Not Be Named’s posting of a limited edition brew no longer in production out of Michigan. On top of that, the Saranac website calls this a “returning favorite.” I don’t recall this from a previous 12 Beers which means it probably dates back some time. Minor suggestion to Saranac — take a page from Sam and list the year a beer was first brewed and, if possible, list what collections these beers appeared in. You can’t expect us to remember it when you’re in the business of killing brain cells. 5

Body (10): Pours the color of actual maple syrup with a fairly decent head. Lacing is much more distinct then I expected. It’s thin for a porter which, given the source ingredient, is something of a surprise. If it was as thick as the bold flavor and strong ingredients would suggest, though, it would be a brick in the stomach after two. The carbonation is much higher than I originally expected but, again, given the strong flavor, the carbonation is necessary to lighten the mood. 8

Taste (10): It is… fantastic. Much like Saranac did with their Caramel Porter, they took a flavor not usually associated with beer, made it the superstar ingredient of a porter, and went with it. It smells like maple, starts with maple, sits on your tongue as maple, and finishes with same specific sweetness of real maple syrup. If there is ANY knock it’s that the taste is so strong and so distinct it would blow the doors off anything else in this sampler. However, that’s not a strike in the flavor department. 10

Efficiency (10): As per usual, Saranac’s beers come in between 5.2% and 5.5% with the reasonable cost of a beer brewed in Upstate New York. Unfortunately, this beer is the antithesis of “poundable” with a hugely-heavy flavor. Even though this really can’t be consumed quickly, the body and carbonation is a great balance to the heavy flavor. Combine with a reasonable price and it’s of serviceable efficiency. 7

Versatility (10): Many of the beers exclusive to sampler packs take a solid versatility hit due to the limited availability. This beer is packaged well in a sampler. It’s heavy and, while I don’t think I’d like a case of them, two are perfect. On the other hand, the distinct, bold maple flavor is going to turn off anyone who doesn’t like maple syrup… or doesn’t want a beer that tastes like it. 7

The Snob Sez: This is quite possibly my favorite Saranac brew outside their Caramel Porter which had graduated out of the 12 Beers to its own sixpack for a while. Great thing to try if you love maple. Terrible thing to try if you don’t.

Final Score: 41 (of 50) – Great beer

Kelso Chocolate Lager

Brewed By: Greenpoint Beerworks
Brewed In: Brooklyn, NY
ABV: 6.5%
Type: Schwarzbier

What They Say: Purchased as a growler at the Bowery Whole Foods. The website succinctly states: “Full, rich flavors of bittersweet chocolate and fresh espresso are mellowed by the traditional clean finish of this dark lager.”

Website: Serviceable. It looks like an out-of-the-box Flash template but it’s at least lightweight enough that there’s no irritating “WE PROMISE THE SITE IS LOADING” bar. Not quite sure about the wood-paneling background. It’s kind of reminiscent of my grandparent’s choice of living room decor or really ugly stationwagons. Is this just hippy Greenpoint ironic-ism?

Why I Picked It: Kelso is a brand I’ve only sampled at one of the cask festivals at the Brazen Head bar in Brooklyn. Since the growler that I was expecting was not available, Chocolate Lager was the next best sounding seasonal on the list.

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Presentation (5): Kelso has clearly decided to compete with Sixpoint for Brooklyn’s “too cool to advertise” title. Unless you’re someone in the Gotham Beer Snob circle (and by that I mean someone who attends cask festivals or occasionally visits bars like Rattle ‘n Hum, Puck Fair, or dba) you’ve probably never heard of the brand. Since I’m pretty sure they’re still too small to really advertise, and too small to even bottle, I can’t fairly rate their presentation. n/a

Originality (5): I’ve only seen one previous chocolate lager and that was in the Saranac 12 Beers Of Winter in 2006 or 2007. Interestingly, one of the only other Google hits for chocolate lager is a Michelob product. Go figure. I’m not quite sure if the fact Michelob makes one should be a strike or not. 5

Body (10): An amazingly light body for the heavy flavor and far less dry than it has any right to be. It pours a beautiful dark amber with a quarter-inch, creamy, persistent head. This beautifully fresh beer laces the glass the entire way down. Just enough carbonation to enhance the chocolate. Great consistency for the style and somehow lager lightness with heavy porter/stout flavors. Well done. 10

Taste (10): This beer is really everything I’ve ever wanted in a beer. The chocolate flavor is bold with just a hint of espresso in the finish. The lagering left it surprisingly not dry so all the bold, bitter flavors of a porter or stout are available with none of the dryness which is amazing. Greenpoint expertly didn’t go way overboard with the sweetening process, choosing instead to let the carbonation do the work to keep the tongue distracted. How they kept this beer from the sickly sweetness or dry maltiness that affects most beers with these flavors is a trade secret worth my love. 10

Efficiency (10): Only available in Growler form, which means Whole Foods will get you a half-gallon (64 oz.) pour for under $10. Combined with a great flavor and a huge ABV, this might be one of the best beer deals one can find in a city where six-packs (72 oz.) can be well over $10. One complaint about this beer it’s that two are enough. The bold flavors, while delicious, can be a bit too much and the big taste of the high ABV is apparent. In no way is the beer bad, and I found myself constantly wanting more, but at a certain point I just couldn’t drink it anymore… and that was after two pints. 7

Versatility (10): The same things mentioned above are also strikes here. It is simply too big for most situations. The high ABV makes it a tough bar beer and relegates it to the unfortunate realm of “12 oz. pour”. Although one or two glasses are delicious, settling down with it for an evening might be difficult. There’s just not a lot to be done with it. 3

The Snob Sez: Kelso’s Chocolate Lager joins the pantheon of my favorite winter seasonals with Samuel Adams’ Winter Lager and Brooklyn’s Black Chocolate Stout. Excellent first purchase for me from Greenpoint.

Final Score: 35 (of 45) = 38.8 (of 50) = 39 (of 50) – Really good beer

Samuel Adams Winter Lager

Brewed By: Samuel Adams
Brewed In: Boston, MA/Cincinnati, OH
ABV: 5.8%
Type: Bock

What They Say: The first thing one notices in a Samuel Adams Winter Lager is its color: the deep brown of winter. Then comes the magical aroma which promises something special on the tongue. The warm aroma of cinnamon and ginger which blends with the roasty sweetness of the malted barley and hint of citrus from the orange peel. And after that first sip the promise is fulfilled. On the palate Samuel Adams Winter Lager is rich and full bodied, robust and warming, a wonderful way to enjoy the cold evenings that come with this season.

Website: Same as it ever was. I do still hate the double-confirmation screen, which remains silly. I also hate how sometimes their Flash app just stops loading and never continues. They should really catch whatever exception is happening there. I shouldn’t have to refresh the page manually. Loading bars are bad practice, people.

Why I Picked It: I couldn’t tell you. It was ages ago the first time I had it. In this case, it’s because I finally wanted to get it a proper score, compare it to the recently rated Blue Point Winter Ale, and, now that it’s 2010, kick off the Samuel Adams Winter Classics 2009 Series.

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Presentation (5): If you’ve seen Sam’s presentation, you’ve seen it. The Winter Lager’s label is a different blue than the Boston Lager… but not my much. The Sam Adams branding is pretty recognizable, though. 3

Originality (5): Much like many of these seasonal brews, Sam Adams was my first. According to their website, Winter Lager was first brewed in 1989… so until someone can show me a Winter Lager brewed before then, there’s no way Sam can fairly not be retroactively given full points for originality. 5

Body (10): They say brown, I say red, but I’m kind of color-blind. It’s a nice reddish-brown with a decent head and a nice lace. A perfect amount of carbonation and just a touch thicker than their regular Boston Lager. It’s just on the border of being too heavy without ever quite getting there and I think it’s because there’s a lot of big flavor stuffed in to a lighter body. The only complaint I’ve ever had of this beer is the same one I have with a lot of Sam’s early recipes: the beers all have an extreme dryness that makes it very hard to make an evening out of it without breaking it up with water or lighter brews. 8

Taste (10): I like citrus hints in my beer, I like malts, and I like spices. Winter Lager has all of the above. The taste rests on your tongue with a hint of cinnamon and citrus and finishes with malt and ginger. This beer has been around so long that a Christmas without it doesn’t feel like Christmas. 10

Efficiency (10): With a great taste, a very solid ABV, and a the reasonable price offered by the macro-microbrew, Sam’s Winter is one of the best seasonal values for your dollar. The dryness of the beer unfortunately isn’t made up for by the ABV and thus the efficiency rating suffers. 6

Versatility (10): I’ve met very few people who dislike this beer. Some may like one of Sam’s other seasonals more, but this one performs very well in crowds. It’s not a fast drinking beer, nor is it something you can sit down with and just slug all night, but it’s an excellent 3-beer maximum selection and a crowd-pleaser. From personal experience, it’s also makes quite the tasty base for a pork-chop brine. 8

The Snob Sez: This is the grand-daddy of Winter brews. It remains my favorite winter seasonal and, like I said last week, if a brewery wants to enter a crowded winter seasonal market, they need to beat this.

Final Score: 40 (of 50) – Great beer

Brooklyn Black Ops

Brewed By: Brooklyn Brewing
Brewed In: Brooklyn, NY
ABV: 11.6%
Type: Russian Imperial Stout

What they say: Brooklyn Black Ops does not exist. However, if it did exist, it would be a robust stout concocted by the Brooklyn brewing team under the cover of secrecy and hidden from everyone else at the brewery. Supposedly “Black Ops” was aged for four months in bourbon barrels, bottled flat, and re-fermented with Champagne yeast, creating big chocolate and coffee flavors with a rich underpinning of vanilla-like oak notes. They say there are only 1000 cases. We have no idea what they’re talking about.

Website: Brooklyn’s website hasn’t changed since my Black Chocolate Stout review last year and, really, not much at all that I can remember. In a nice touch, this beer is nowhere to be found on the website because it does not, in fact, actually exist. I’ll mention here that everyone, if they have the opportunity, should try to get out to the brewery for Brooklyn’s Friday Happy Hour. It’s about the best $20 value in the city and it lacks the expected Williamsburg snootiness. A good, low-key vibe with picnic tables, card games, and plenty of delivery pizza options.

Why I Picked It: I visited the Whole Foods Bowery Beer Room on New Year’s Eve to get a couple growlers for the evening. I saw this beer, read the description above, and grabbed it because the idea of their coffee stout in bourbon barrels sounded like a home rum.

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Presentation (5): (image via Park Slope Food Co-op). For a bottle that doesn’t exist, it’s pretty slick. The bottle itself is similar to their Local 1 and Local 2 bottles in shape, cage-wrapped cork, and the logo molded directly in to the bottle — but much like the Black Chocolate Stout, the labeling is specifically different to separate itself from other offerings. The understated silver label and large logo did an excellent job of drawing my attention and getting me to read the back. Overall, great bottle design. 5

Originality (5): Although this Washington Post article suggests that Goose Island has been doing bourbon-aged beers since the mid-90s, it still seems like a new-enough concept that I can’t quite call it overdone. I was relatively certain Brooklyn was, at the very least, one of the first breweries to do it with their Imperial stout recipe and this article from Simply Beer suggests that, if Brooklyn didn’t come up with the idea, they’re certainly part of the first wave. 5

Body (10): The beer pours an oily, opaque black with a big, two-inch, foamy tan head. The head eventually dials itself back to about a quarter-inch on top and laces the glass nicely for the life of the beer. A hearty body and huge flavors aren’t offset at all by the expected low carbonation. It is extremely dry and, while that’s OK for me, don’t expect to be drinking this and then enjoying something else afterward. 9

Taste (10): If I had to guess how this beer was created, I’d assume Garrett Oliver said “let’s see what happens if we dump our Intensified Coffee Stout in a bourbon barrel.” The absolute biggest note in this beer is the bourbon. It smells like bourbon, the initial taste is bourbon, and it finishes with bourbon and just a hint of vanilla and coffee. Now, I enjoy the occassional Knob Creek or Maker’s Mark on the rocks, so this flavor is great for me. However, for those looking for a “hint” of bourbon in their barrel-aged beers this is not remotely for them. For me, though, this is an incredible representation of a bourbon-aged beer. I was right on the border of declaring the bourbony-sweetness in this beer TOO intense but I just couldn’t do it. 10

Efficiency (10): I started this beer at halftime of the Rose Bowl (6:30pm EST) and was just finishing the 1 pint, 9.4 oz. bottle about the time WWE Smackdown ended (about 10:00pm EST). By about halfway through Smackdown (8:50pm EST), I was drunk enough to notice. By 9:10pm EST, I was drunk enough to consider tuning my guitar and playing it… and I haven’t played my guitar in five years. Regardless of the pace-regulation in the bourbon flavor, the huge ABV makes up for it. The ONLY significant strike is the cost. The beer is $20 for the 25 oz. bottle in NYC, which probably means it’s $25-$30 anywhere else. In good conscience, I can’t give something a full efficiency rating that costs as much as a decent bottle of wine — especially when something like Southern Tier Mokah or Ommegang Three Philosophers is a similar effect for half the cost. 8

Versatility (10): Sadly, this is the score that’s going to keep this beer from crossing in to the top three. It’s just not versatile. This is one of the few beers I’ve rated where its versatility doesn’t even include the buyer sitting home and enjoying the whole bottle. This, at best, is good for a 10 oz. pour before or after a meal. It needs to be treated as wine. Even though it physically pains me to give this piece of excellence such a low number, there’s nothing to be done with this beer other than impressing beer snob friends with a “you have to taste this” or enjoying it like a wine or a cognac. 3

The Snob Sez: If not for the versatility hit, this would have been my favorite beer of 2009 and it still has an outside chance of being my favorite beer of 2010… in the first week of January. As That Bootleg Guy said: “You’re ‘beer peaking’ on January 1? Nowhere to go but down.” Sadly, he’s right.

Final Score: 40 (of 50) – Great beer

Blue Point Winter

Brewed By: Blue Point Brewing
Brewed In: Patchogue, NY
ABV: 5.5%
Type: Amber Ale
Awards:

• Gold Medal: Australian International Beer Awards

What they say: Blue Point Brewing’s Winter Ale is a hearty and robust amber ale. Brewed to chase away the chill of a cool winter night. Made with Pale, Vienna, crystal and chocolate malt. This uncommon amber is only brewed during the cold months of the year. Winter Ale is an extremely popular seasonal specialty. Enjoy the tasty balance of malt and hops. Remember this special ale leaves with Winter.

Website: Still the same webpage that I’ve been complaining about for a year now — but now with embedded porno music! On the word that a friend of a friend got a job as the IT department at Harpoon, maybe I should be more proactive. On the other hand, I have to complement them on the easy availability of promotional shots of their product because it prevents me from having to take them.

Why I picked it: Blue Point I haven’t had. I figured if I was getting back in to this after a month or so away, I should start in some comfortable territory.

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Presentation (5): The presentation in their press image is not the same as the actual 2009 packaging. This year’s design is a more psychedelic blue mosaic design. Of course, since Blue Point’s website is so bad (and makes it impossible to find news), I had to go to the Homestead site on the packaging to find out that the current printing was designed by Long Island artist Danielle DePalma and selected by Blue Point for their 2009 packaging. Because, you know, awesome community relations stuff should be hard to find on your company’s website. Congratulations to Danielle. 4

Originality (5): This falls under the “every craft brewhouse has to have one of these” rule. So, while they don’t get extra points for having a red-colored ale that is sold between November and January, they don’t get penalized for trying to keep up with the Adams’s. 3

Body (10): A see-through red with a healthy head on the pour and a healthy amount of lacing. One would not accuse this beer of being overcarbonated in any way, but it does have just enough to make the flavors play nicely with each other. A much thinner consistency then the standard bearer of this type (Sam’s) but that seems to be a Blue Point thing. Most of Blue Point’s offering seem to go for a less heavy vibe. 6

Taste (10): There was a strong, very noticeable flavor in this beer that I couldn’t quite place. After reading the label, I realized it was chocolate malts. Then I realized it was an overwhelmingly commanding flavor. The Sam version of this beer is a complex mix of cinnamon, ginger, citrus, and nonsense. This doesn’t have many different characteristics. This is a very rare miss from Blue Point in the taste category as the Sam (and Harpoon) versions of the same blow it out of the water. 5

Efficiency (10): The low-ish ABV is made up for by the lightness of this ale. It is incredibly easy to drink, refreshing, light, and wonderful. Unfortunately, the total ABV is just a little too low for a six-pack that I’m spending $12 (Manhattan) on. 7

Versatility (10): This is an extremely drinkable Winter offering; less heavy than Sam’s and less deathly than Brooklyn’s. Really, for entertaining, its relatively low ABV makes it a winner for guests who may have to leave and the distinct, easily identifiable flavor would likely fit the taste of most everyone who doesn’t opt for the wine at your holiday party. You really don’t want to only offer Coors Light to your guests, do you?7

The Snob Sez: If the above reads as a strong criticism to this beer, don’t take it wrong. It’s a delicious beer on its own merits and something I actually enjoyed drinking. The problem is that Blue Point’s in a market with a champion (Sam Adams Winter Lager), a strong runner-up (Harpoon Winter Warmer), and even a strong second runner-up (Great Divide’s Hibernation). Besides that, with the other winter seasonals like the amazing Brooklyn Black Chocolate Stout, Blue Point’s in a crowded marketplace in the “get drunk because the family’s around” season. It’s a perfectly acceptable beer — tasty even — but if Blue Point wanted to bring it into a crowded seasonal market full of heavy hitters, they need to bring it harder than this.

Final Score: 32 (of 50) – Good beer

One of my first experiences with German beer was the Oktoberfest festival at The Great Escape theme park. The Great Escape (nee Storytown) was the only amusement park a kid whose parents didn’t care much for driving ever got to. As I got older, I thought it was odd that they had a German beer festival in an amusement park for little kids. The beer tent sat in abandoned corner of the park and was pretty much boarded up for the entire season. When I finally went there in college, it was a blast. Liters of beer, drunk rides, and mini-golf. Really, does it get better?

After seeing the real thing, the fact an amusement park runs this thing was a little less strange. The tent at the Great Escape was really just an order-of-magnitude smaller tent that served a few different kinds of beer.

The Building: The tents at Oktoberfest are temporary structures. They seat about 6000 inside (where you need a reservation) and about 1000 outside (where it’s first come first serve). We didn’t make reservations. The Lowenbrau tent featured a carved wooden lion that occasionally lifted his mug to his mouth and growled “Lowenbrau”. It also featured a Tower with the drinking lion on top. If you were to walk in these buildings, you’d have no idea they aren’t there all year. The one negative, as I’d discover was the norm in these tents, the bathroom featured a metal, full room piss-trough. This made peeing an adventure.

The People: This was the most interesting of the three days we spent at the festival proper. New Zealanders, Australians, a guy wearing a serving girl dress who, as we discovered, got beat up the night before so he decided it was a bright idea to do it again and, these dudes.

The Service: Even more than Hofbrauhaus, the servers just kind of faded in to the background and then just materialized when they were needed. I’m also pretty sure that none of them spoke English but delivered everything flawlessly.

The Food: The food of the day here was a steamed half-chicken, some peppery sausage, and more sauerkraut. German food, as I discovered here, is very salty. The chicken was very clearly just cut down the middle and steamed. The meat was as tender and moist as any chicken I’ve ever tasted. The only preparation type that makes sense for the flavor is steamed. The sausage was the best sausage of the trip. It was pale white and had a distinct peppery flavor that I didn’t taste for the rest of the weekend. This was also the day we discovered spaatzle — though we wouldn’t get it until the next day.

The Beer: According to Wikipedia, the American version of Lowenbrau has been brewed by Miller Brewing company without necessarily following the Reinheitsgebot. This goes a long way toward explaining why the Lowenbrau served at the Festhalle was immeasurably better than the American version I’ve had in the past. For reference, American Lowenbrau would probably score in the low 20s on the snob scale. The version I drank in the beer hall was probably in the low to mid 40s. I’m the first to admit that much of this could be the mental state of drinking the beer sitting outside, in Germany, at Oktoberfest — but I argue that it was crisper, smoother, fresher, and didn’t have any trace of the strange aftertaste that I’ve always thought of as Lowenbrau’s signature. My second, and more solid point, PLR took it down like a box of wine. As for me — the scene in Beerfest when they sample the beer and it brings tears to their eyes? Like that but more tears.

The Bill: I…. have no idea. Lowenbrau day started at 10:00 am and ended at sometime after 2:00 pm. The Lowenbrau tent featured €8.50 litres. I’m relatively certain, though, that the tents were cheaper then the restaurants.

After 14 hours of travel, another 6 hours of timeshift, we arrived at Munich hotel with a hankerin to do, well, something. Oktoberfest wasn’t starting for another 12 hours so we decided to get caught in a tourist trap because, well, we’re tourists.

We specifically chose our hotel because Trip Advisor told us we’d be equidistant (about a 10 minute walk) from both Oktoberfest proper and the “downtown” section of Munich. Whether this is “downtown” like Times Square is “downtown” I’m particularly sure. All I know is we walked past a KFC, a McDonalds, a bunch of stores touting “New York Fashion”, and lots of packed restaurants with outdoor seating. After getting temporarily lost (which I’ll get in to later) trying to find the place, we found this lantern like a beacon in the night. We’d found Hofbrauhaus.

Hofbrauhaus was founded relatively recently in 1589 when the Duke of Bavaria decided that all the local Munich brews sucked and decided to open a brewery. His son, in 1602, decided that he liked wheat beers — so he made it illegal for anyone but him to brew wheat beer. Savvy business. Since 400 years ago, it’s turned in to (apparently) the most tourist-trappy of all the Brauhauses. Of course, as this was the day BEFORE Oktoberfest opened for business, all of these brauhauses were packed and this one was no different. When we finally got in, we were treated to a type of beer hall that just doesn’t exist here.

The Building: I can’t really even describe the size of this building. We walked about trying to find a table for about 15 minutes and I’m pretty sure we didn’t even walk through every possible room. We walked past a German “oompah” band… maybe 2… not sure. After walking around for 10 minutes we somehow ended up in the outside courtyard. This was delightful as it was approximately 150 degrees with 243% humidity inside. Once outside we still had to work to find a table before finally settling in sharing a table with a few random German folk. Before we even had a chance to settle in, a table of the perfect size for four opened up and I think I may have thrown one of my traveling-mates at it. Whatever.

The People: This was kind of the first chance I had to see the difference between the overly drunk German crowd and an an overly drunk American crowd. While it was rather loud, it was not nearly as rowdy as I expected save for a few dudes behind me who couldn’t keep their pants on. Literally. They liked showing their asses.

The Service: Honestly, I have no idea how these people made it through the crowd, but it seemed every time we needed a pretzel or another litre, they just materialized out of thin air. We had two different male servers over the course of the night (fully decked out in drinkin pants’) as I would become continually amazed at their skill. The most amusing part of the evening — even though we were sitting outside, we could see in to some of the inside rooms. At one point, people at a table decided to start banging their mugs on the table and chanting the riff from the White Stripe’s Seven Nation Army (this was a popular chant so I’m curious where the Stripes stole it from). Everyone in the room started joining in. As it got progressively louder and rowdier, a rather matronly looking German serving woman entered the room, threw a severe look in to the room, and raised a finger. Everyone shushed. It was amazing.

The Food: How different can sausage be? Different. We didn’t really have our wits about enough due to jet-lag and beer, so we simply ordered two different types of sausage with sauerkraut and pretzels. I truly dislike sauerkraut, but for whatever reason, the ingredients they add make it taste less like stinky feet and more like the vinegar mixture they soak it in. Also, this was the first indication I had that frozen hot dogs are likely made with everything that’s ever been rumored to be in them. These tasted so much better than American hotdogs. And the sausage? It had this garlic, peppery flavor that I fell in love with.

The Beer: This was the first time our tables were introduced to Litre Mugs. They are… challenging. It’s not so much that the beer isn’t good — because it is — it’s more because it starts to get a little warm by the end. I know the answer to that is “man up and drink faster” and, well, I don’t have a come back because you’re correct. The litres are €6.90 each, which roughly translates to $10.50 for 2.75 beers. While I was there, I sampled three.

• Hofbrau Original: The light. This was my first indication that the domestic versions of the imports I’ve had in the US weren’t going to quite be the same. First of all, it tasted almost nothing like the import version of Hofbrau I get the US. It’s a much crisper, cleaner version of the same thing. The “German Beer Taste” that I occasionally complain about here isn’t apparent at all. And, wow does it go down easily.
• Hofbrau Dunkel: The dark. It also became readily apparent that, just like in the US, I like dark beers better. This one felt like it had more body and a little bit more of a kick. It was also combined with sausage which, really, has to work to be bad.
• Hofbrau Weiss: Roughly equivalent the Hofbrau Hefeweizen. One of my traveling companions only likes Weisses and Hefeweizens so I got to sample a bunch of these which I otherwise wouldn’t have bothered with. Nothing I’m hugely in to but good for a Hefeweizen.

The Bill: Amazingly reasonable. Nine Liters of beer, food for four, just over $100.

Highly recommended.

Saranac Brown Ale

Brewed By: Matt Brewing Company
Brewed InUtica, NY
ABV: 6.0%
Type: Brown Ale

What they say: This authentic Brown Ale is brewed with All-American malt, pacific northwest hops, and traditional ale yeast. It’s [sic] smooth malty character is complimented with a touch of chocolate malt and hoppy aroma. Look for a sweet, malty, chocolaty taste with a balanced hop bitterness resulting in a full flavored but smooth drinkable beer.

Why I picked it: The final beer in the Adirondack Trail Mix. The six pack is one of my oldest stand-bys when I’m looking for a variety.

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Presentation (5): Kind of a weird choice as they use the same watercolor as the ESB. I can’t decide if I should give it a 4 because I gave it a 4 before or a 2 for duplication. It seems unfair to give this one the 2 since I’m relatively certain this beer has been around longer. 4

Originality (5): It’s a pretty standard brown. Nothing more, nothing less. 3

Body (10): This seems like the grandfather of the chocolate lager they included in the 12 Beers from a few years ago. This is one of those strange beers that isn’t quite as thick as the chocolate and the malts would make you think. Really, it’s a great thin body with an excellent touch of carbonation with a bit of manliness added by the chocolate malts. 8

Taste (10): The whole idea of “chocolate stouts” are becoming played out, so I’m finding ales and lagers that work with heavy stout/porter flavors to be somewhat fun. The chocolate malt is the most obvious ingredient here. It carries the initial taste and the aftertaste and does it quite well. If I had one complaint — if they wanted to make an ale with a distinctive chocolate taste, they should have just gone for it instead of being subtle. I’d guess that’s what eventually led to Chocolate Lager. 7

Efficiency (10): Most anything I can say about the flavor short of “undrinkable” would be counteracted here by the very efficient 6.0% ABV. It packs quite a punch and the relatively pleasant flavor makes for an efficiency superstar. 9

Versatility (10): Sadly, the flavor is a little too heavy and complex for things other than a sipping beer. It’s not quite so heavy as to kick the versatility in to the tank entirely but it doesn’t get any favors. Also, I’m pretty sure this is only available in the Trail Mix and the new What Ales You? sampler. 6

Final Score: 37 (of 50) – Really good beer

Saranac Adirondack Lager

Brewed By: Matt Brewing Company
Brewed In: Utica, NY
ABV: 5.5%
Type: German Amber Lager

What they say: Saranac Adirondack Lager is craft brewed with pure Adirondack water, bottom fermented and fully lagered to carefully balance the sweetness of two-row malt with the delicate bitterness of American cascade and German hallertauer hops. Look for a golden amber color and medium body. You’ll discover a distinctive flavorful beer that is deliciously enjoyable. Enjoy!

Why I picked it: Number five of six in the Adirondack Trail Mix. This is considered Saranac’s flagship brew. It’s another one of their offereings that’s been around as long as I can remember.

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Presentation (5): It’s really hard for me to be hyper-critical of this presentation. This beer was their first product and they’ve left the bottle the same as it was when they launched it. That includes the wood-paneling motif that’s a throwback to PLR’s first car. It takes some stones to go with a sticker that looks like a wood-paneled stationwagon. 3

Originality (5): Also tough to rate. This was Saranac’s original brew. I want to say the Saranac product line came out of the brewery sometime in the late 80s. I won’t make the joke that they just took Utica Club and put a fancy craft name on it, but it would be funny wouldn’t it? 3

Body (10): This is a very crisp and refreshing beer. I expected a light color on this lager but it was actually even lighter then I imagined. The amber color and tiny head lends itself to the “light beer” family of products. There is barely enough going on here to elevate it above Lawnmower status, but there is enough. I mean, it’s designed to be a simple lager. There isn’t a lot of complexity here — nor should there be. 7

Taste (10): To claim this as a German-styled lager is a bit of a stretch. A rigorously Americanized German-style lager, maybe. I say this because there is a distinct taste that most German beers all share. I’ve always assumed the purity law has a lot to do with it. This beer, on the other hand, probably doesn’t follow the purity law. But I don’t really love that distinctly German flavor, so I like this a lot more. It has that same hoppy finish without that distinct German flavor. For me, that works tremendously well. 8

Efficiency: Very. It’s rare when you get a beer that can be honestly described as “refreshing” when you get to 5.5%. This one manages to pull it off. The somewhat sweet and heavy flavor would regulate the consumption pace, but 5.5% makes up for a lot. 7

Versatility (10): Totally versatile. You could sub this for Budweiser and never look back. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen this beer available on draught, in sixers, twelves, and bombers so apparently the brewery realizes they have a versatility star here, too. This beer is just bland enough that even the Lawnmower crowd would like it. 7

Final Score: 35 (of 50) – Good beer