TDL’s Sports, Wrestling, & Otherwise

I’m a sucker for heist movies — the more ridiculous the better. Give me one that has a group of guys hacking in to the Los Angeles Traffic Software and driving Mini-Coopers through subway tunnels along with blowing up a section of Hollywood Boulevard to drop an armored car in to said tunnels and I’m a happy guy.

That said, I was very disappointed in Ed Norton’s character not figuring out to screw with the weights of the three armored trucks such that the heaviest truck was the one NOT carrying the gold. I guess that’s supposed to be part of his character’s “lack of imagination.” It didn’t allow Marky Mark’s character to come up with some ridiculous insight or gut instinct to figure out which truck it was in. “Steve would never drive the truck northwest on a Tuesday. That magnetic properties of the sun would make the gold heavier and the truck would go slower. It’s got to be truck three!!!” Something like that.

Great formulaic heist movie. I need to watch the original.

I think I would have enjoyed this movie more if it was filmed in California or something. The problem for me was dealing with the idiotic decisions Tom Cruise makes in his absurd trek from North Jersey to Boston. For instance… a ferry? Dude travels three hours up the Hudson River and decides to take a ferry instead of driving, literally, 20 more minutes north to take a bridge? And, if that bridge wasn’t there anymore, there’s one another five minutes north… then another five minutes north… then another ten minutes north. Worst route to Boston ever. Seriously. A ferry? Dude goes to take a ferry when he’s just seen people get turned in to dust? We’re worried about staying away from people who might want to steal your car but you immediately go to a chokepoint? How does he know the ferry’s running? Wouldn’t it make worlds more sense to try and find a bridge since, you know, you don’t need a person to operate one?

I find the whole thing kind of ridiculous. I remember reading that this movie was “great science-fiction.” Maybe the original book was great science-fiction… but the movie decided that the bad-guys had been monitoring Earth for a million years. They’ve been watching that long but couldn’t figure out what would bring about their end?

I guess it could have been worse. The monsters could have invaded a planet that was 80% water while being deathly allergic to water.

Also, there’s nothing quite as funny as 5′4″ worth of Tom Cruise overpowering 6′5″ worth of Tim Robbins.

Fever Pitch was on this past weekend so I watched. All I can say is, moving forward, the Red Sox Nation deserves every bit of ire and bile they get for this movie.

Besides the fact that it’s formulaic, awful, and features only one good part (the part where Jimmy Fallon’s character is forcing his friends to bid on various games in his season ticket package by either giving him stuff or doing things for him… “You want to talk Yankees? Dance for me.”); it also helps perpetuate the stereotype that men must give up everything they like for their relationship to be successful. Way to teach the boys of the future generations to be pushovers, asses.

The Farrelly Brothers suck.