One New York Life

Wagner Valley Brewing Oatmeal Stout

Brewed By: Wagner Valley Brewing
Brewed In: Lodi, NY
ABV: 5.5 ABV
Type: Stout

What They Say: A classically brewed British style oatmeal stout. Dark, rich malt tones are highlighted with the subtle sweetnesss of fresh whole grain oats. Chocolate, coffee & caramel notes abound in this creamy, full-bodied flavor profile. This complex, yet elegant British ale is extremely smooth & drinkable.

Why I Picked It: Wagner Vineyard has become, I think, my favorite place in New York State. I’ve gone consecutive years and both times I had the same thought at the end: I want to live next door to this brewery and come here every day. I’ll take a job cleaning the toilets. I desperately want to go to one of their Fridays On The Brewdeck even if I don’t know any of the bands. Just the idea of sitting outside, overlooking the vineyard and lake, and sipping great beer to music is awesome. I chose this because it was one of only two beers (the IPA was the other) that I hadn’t reviewed after my trip last year. I also purchased a growler of their Maple Porter. If Rogue is the most underrated brewer on the west coast, Wagner Valley is the best brewery you’ve never heard of unless you live in a small, five county block of Western NY.

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Presentation (5): Their labels are relatively generic. I like the seasoned wood look, though I don’t understand the longship as the beer’s iconic image. Also, the website suggests this beer’s full name is “Caywood Station Oatmeal Stout” but that isn’t evident on the bottle. They use the same longship image on their IPA label. Maybe it’s just the default if they have nothing else? 2

Originality (5): Standard oatmeal stout. Nothing fancy. 2

Body (10): This pours a deep, oily black with a small strip of head, good lacing, and the aroma of a stout. The carbonation is a little bit more than I’d expect out of a stout but it works in this case. The one word that comes to mind is hearty. The carbonation offsets a bit of the heartiness but still, well, hearty. 9

Taste (10): There’s nothing groundbreaking in this particular version of a stout. The coffee and chocolate malts take the feature presence in the aroma and flavor. It’s stereotypical stout across the board. The most impressive thing about this beer is the crispness in the finish. Stouts usually finish dry and malty. This one is almost, well, refreshing. Mind you, it doesn’t quite reach refreshing, but it’s closer than most stouts even dream of getting. 8

Efficiency (10): I purchased this directly from the brewery in a mixed sixpack with some other favorites reviewed last year. Ordered online, the beers are $10/sixpack and, according to the website, they are currently not shipping beer due to state regulations. Allow me one more chance to state categorically how much I despise the absurdly crooked state of New York. But, hey, the Democrats and Obama will protect consumers, right? They’d never consider anti-consumer, stifling legislation at the federal level, right? The cost kills the efficiency for the 99.999% of the country outside the local brewery area. 6

Versatility (10): This is hurt by the generally low versatility of a stout. They’re very seasonal and, near as I can tell, their fanbase is even small amongst those of us in the every growing beer snob community. As usual, this isn’t something someone would drink much of and they probably wouldn’t offer it to their friends. That’s not to say it isn’t delicious because, well, it is. 5

The Snob Sez: Another great offering from Wagner Valley. I really wish I could get some of their stuff more often than the one time a year I get to Central New York.

Final Score: 32 (of 50) OK beer.

L/L – Titans +3 over Giants, 29-10, Giants cover: Watching this game was like watching a slowly developing train-wreck. Usually we see this in Cowboys’ games late in the season. It started with yet another catchable-but-tipped interception (5th on the season already), led to a poor-decision, left-handed toss at the goal-line that would have been an awesome play if it was two-inches higher, further led to a red-zone fumble by 3rd-down-back-playing-feature-back, and culminated with the offensive line melting down in to a pile of personal fouls and self-destruction. The Titans did their level best to lose this game through 3 quarters and the Giants decided to not take them up on it. Not panicking yet because the Giants have bounced back from early season disasters before (and won a Super Bowl) but it’d be nice if they started doing it before Coughlin Needs To Be Fired news starts… which will start if they lose to the Bears.

W/L – Patriots -13 over Bills, 38-10, Patriots cover: The Titans playing on the road against the Giants took over CBS so we didn’t get this game. I should have gone with the “always play them tough” rule. Silly me.

W/L – Ravens -10.5 over Browns, 24-17, Ravens cover: I can’t believe the Browns scored 17 points against the Ravens. I couldn’t believe it while it was happening and I still can’t believe it now.

W/W – Steelers -2.5 over Bucs, 38-13, Steelers cover: Did nobody really foresee a team from Pittsburgh blowing out another team with Pirates motif? Come on now. This joke can only be made once every four years and, honestly, I can’t believe nobody else has made it.

W/W – Bengals -3 over Panthers, 20-7, Bengals cover: I was really close to outthinking myself in this game… something I thought I would do with the Cowboys and I did do with the Lions. Oh well.

L/L – Falcons +5.5 over Saints, 27-24, Saints cover: Someone really needs to do a study on how often divisional games between relatively good teams end at 3 points. I feel like there’s a lot of money to be made in this. By the by — I’m very happy that someone finally got bit by the “call a timeout” trick.

W/W – Chiefs -1 over Niners, 31-10, Chiefs cover: I think we can officially say the Niners bandwagon crashed outside Arrowhead Stadium this past weekend. There were no survivors. “Who could have seen it coming?”

W/L – Vikings -10 over Lions, 24-10, Lions +10: Kind of outthought myself on this game. My issue when dealing with Favre is that, somehow, I occasionally forget how overanalyzed he is with writers and tv looking for body language that I forget who he is and what he does. This week, I’ll blame Bill Simmons’s stint on PTI for convincing me he was done and looking to exit the team.

W/W – Cowboys +3 over Texans, 27-13, Cowboys outright: This is what they do. It also helps to remember that Tony Romo is a generally good passer who just tends to choke in big games. Don’t count on him in the division or big home games but on the road or home against bad teams? Load up.

L/L – Rams +4 over Redskins, 30-16, Redskins cover: Cousin Sal agreed with my point that the Redskins loss in Week 2 could have been season-defining. I don’t know exactly how that makes me feel. However, this really seems tailspinny for the Redskins. Now, on the road in Philadelphia? Vick vs. McNabb. McNabb vs. Philly. I’ve never in my life been so happy to see the Jets playing at 1:00 and the Giants playing at night. For the record — McNabb is going to crush the soul of Philly. It’s what he does.

W/W – Eagles -3 over Jaguars, 28-3, Eagles cover: This is going to make the soul-crushing performance from McNabb all the better. Riding high of a win while totally forgetting they played a terrible team? Wonderful.

W/L – Colts -5.5 over Broncos, 27-13, Broncos +5.5: What week should we first see the conspiracy theory that the Colts dropped the first game on purpose so there wouldn’t be an undefeated controversy this season? I say 10-1.

L/W – Seahawks +5.5 over Chargers, 27-20, Seahawks +5.5: At a certain point, do we have to stop calling special teams touchdowns “lucky points” and admit that the Seahawks might have a really good special teams? Let’s keep in mind here — Leon Washington is a good player who we all just collectively decided was done. If he’s not, that’s a hell of a kick returner. It’s also possible the Chargers’ window has just quietly closed… and by “closed” I mean “division has gotten better and they no longer have a running back performing record-breaking feats.”

L/W – Cardinals -4 over Raiders, 24-23, Raiders outright: I didn’t get to see any of this and I’m quite glad i didn’t. I just know it was bad because I got an e-mail to my sports’ discussion group that just said “GODDAMMITRAIDERS”. After looking at the play-by-play to see it ended on a missed chip shot field goal, I feel both bad for him and for myself as I look at my continually crashing money line betting record.

L/L – Jets +1.5 over Dolphins, 31-23, Dolphins cover: At a certain point, I’m going to have to start applying my Steelers logic to the Jets, too. I just really don’t want to. Do I have to really reassess the Jets in to a good team? I’m starting to get the sense that most of the team would take a bullet for Rex Ryan — just because of gestures like Gatorading Jason Taylor. Maybe I have to start thinking of them as something other than the same old Jets.

L/L – Bears +3.5 over Packers, 20-17, Packers cover: I was watching this game much more for the Forte (me) vs. Jackson (opponent) match-up. There isn’t a lot more stressful than watching the Packers hand the ball to Jackson 3 consecutive times inside the 10 when you’re nursing a slim 3-point lead on Monday Night. If not for Anquan Boldin (32 points!) this weekend would have been a disaster.

Record

Straight Up: 9-7 (26-22)
Against The Spread: 7-9 (24-24)

Gambling

$100 – Redskins/Rams over 38.5 — W (+$210)
$200 – Patriots/Bills over 42.5 — W (+$420)
$100 – Raiders (+193) over Cardinals — L
$50 – Lions (+516) over Vikings — L

Current Pool: $907 + $630 = $1,537

Spread: 1-2 (-$175)
Money Line: 1-5 (-$288)
Over/Under: 3-0 (+$500)
Total: 5-7 (+$37)

I actually enjoyed doing these recaps last season, so I’m going to do them again. I’m not sure how Hulu’s new policy is going to affect the links to their content because as per usual in corporate entertainment America it makes perfect sense to restrict content easily obtainable for free. Great job, Hulu, in managing to go from one of the most relevant sites on the Internet to one of the most irrelevant in less than a year by charging for network television and restricting access to episodic television. Even pets.com couldn’t pull that off. So, if you manage to come to one of these reviews 17 days after the SNL episode airs, it’s likely many of the links will be broken. I look forward to reading about the record numbers of people who purchase episodes of SNL on iTunes because nothing says “have me forever” like a topical satire show that doesn’t age well. It may even be more than the 35 people who signed up for Newsday’s pay wall.

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Host: Amy Poehler (1) — Nice to see Amy Poehler back as host. Unfortunately (and I think long-time watchers knew this) it gave the writers an excuse to be lazy for the season premiere as they could do a nostalgia run through her characters. The monologue was the normal stuff returning hosts usually say combined with Amy narrating us through a recurring nightmare she has about being late for the show. It was really just an excuse to get Rachel Dratch, Jimmy Fallon, and Tina Fey for a few minutes on the premiere and allowed Fallon to post this photo of him probably taking the JFK helicopter shuttle.

Musical Guest: Katy Perry (1) — I don’t understand how someone can be this consistently bad live and both continually get live spots AND not go to lip-synch or autotune. Two years ago when she was on New Year’s Rocking Eve, I just assumed it was bad sound… but she always has the same robotic, out of tune delivery. It’s hysterical how low her mic is in comparison to her back-up singers. Also, maybe someone could mention that singing an awful West Coast anthem on an East Coast show isn’t the most endearing thing. Realize that California is one of the only two states we New Yorkers look at and say “goddam, they’re f*cked”. The other is Jersey. If not for Katy’s appearance on Bronx Beat — where they took the lay-up opportunity to poke fun at Sesame Street parents* — this would have been a total waste.

* – I say parents because the target demo of Sesame Street is kids under 5. The target demo wasn’t looking at Katy Perry’s outfit and thinking ZOMG SEX! Kids don’t think like sexually repressed adults. If anything, kids would be thinking about lunch and being not quite sure why. That said, Katy Perry on Sesame Street — who is famous for nothing else other than being kind of a whore and singing an experimental college lesbian anthem — was a stupid idea in the first place.

Guest Stars: Rachel Dratch, Justin Timberlake, Jimmy Fallon, Maya Rudolph, Tina Fey, Governor David Patterson(!).

Best Sketch: Gay Wedding Ground Zero Mosque. A spoof of the political commercials that dominate NYC TV during election season. It’s awesome because we get commercials for New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut races.

Honorable Mention: Bosley Hair Transplant. Bosley wants you to know it can take healthy hair follicles from a different source if you don’t have any left on your head. Also, Katy Perry’s hypnotic Elmo T-Shirt.

Line of the Week: Via Bronx Beat: “As soon as my kids went back to school I put my feet up and had a glass of white wine. So what if it was 8:30 in the morning. I’m a grown woman, don’t judge.”

Worst Skit: Maternity Matters. They did this sketch last year with Teen Talk and it wasn’t funny. I expected nostalgia sketches involving Amy’s characters, but not redoing bad sketches from last season. This would have been OK if they’d combined this with Amy’s one-legged farting girl (and it was right there, because one of the questions was a pregnant girl who had uncontrollable gas) but as it was, bleh. That’s not to say using the one-legged farter to make fun of Showtime taking itself a bit too seriously with their “deep female characters” was either wasted or unnecessary.

Should Have Been Funnier: Tiny Hat Trish. There was a lot that could have been done with this because it seemed right on the border of laying in to Bravo with the Housewives and Hader as a random fashionista gay stereotype. This was right there to lay a crushing on Bravo’s new business model of featuring horrible people who, with few exceptions, should be euthanized and their homes given to the recently unemployed.

Digital Short: Boogerman. Didn’t get it at all. They were obviously making fun of the live performances of Emmy-nominated songs at the Emmys, but it wasn’t good. Honestly, the 30-second throwaway Actor II Actor sketch with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg was better. I think the Lonely Island guys sometimes get a little carried away with their budget and do too much.

Weekend Update

• Really?!?! With Seth & Amy — Seth and Amy take on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s claim that Americans were behind 9/11 which leads in to their take on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and conclude that not repealing it is “gay”. Amy joined the Update desk for the balance.
• Jay Pharoah as Will Smith — Jay Pharoah replaces Darrel Hammond as the staff impressionist. As an impression of Will Smith, I give it a B-. As a replacement for Darrel Hammond, thus far, I give it a D-. I think they probably could have hit Will Smith a little harder for his transition to stage parent who pretends his kids have started on a level playing field to everyone else.
• Fred Armisen as David Patterson — Midway through another run-through of messing with New Jersey, Fake David Patterson was interrupted by actual Governor David Patterson. Patterson was forgivably off with his comedic timing as he was being delivered his lines from somewhere other than cue cards but still managed to rip off a line of the week candidate with: “You guys made so much fun of me for being blind I forgot I was black.”
• Seth’s line of the week: “Apple is testing a new app that will let users pay for their subway ride with their iPhone. Just be sure to move aside as you try to get iPhone service IN THE SUBWAY.”

Final Thoughts: Left me totally blah for a season premiere. I have no problem with the nostalgia sketches when you get a long-time player back as host, even if some of those characters weren’t my favorites… but a total lack of Keenan (last year’s clear MVP in the SNL Awards column I never finished) and a prime timeslot for what was an unfunny idea the first time around left me lacking.

Titans +3 at Giants: I am hoping — note hoping — that last week’s benching was the wake-up call Brandon Jacobs needed. If not, I’m really not looking forward to sending him to the Redskins for Albert Haynesworth and a lifetime supply of Shackburgers in a “change of scenery” trade. I really see no reason that this game doesn’t go similarly to last week’s Steelers/Titans match-up with slightly more scoring from the Giants side. Giants cover

Bills +13 at Patriots: What I said last week about not enough points exist for me to take the Bills on the road? They didn’t really do anything that makes me want to change my mind. Though the Bills “usually play the Patriots tough”, they generally don’t do so until after Thanksgiving. Pre-Thanksgiving Pats/Bills games are usually point-scoring massacres, be it the 25-24 season opener last year or the 56-0 massacre in 2008. I’m leaning toward massacre this year. Patriots cover

Browns +10.5 at Ravens: Even though the Ravens offense has looked anemic and terrible for the last two weeks one thing hasn’t changed: their defense has kept good teams out of it. The Browns are (still) not a good team and this smells like the kind of home game that gets a team’s offensive stats back to average. I expect an ugly massacre, division or no. Ravens cover

Steelers -2.5 at Bucs: I guess America still isn’t ready to admit a team with a solid defense is good regardless of whether or not they have a replacement level QB? I’m not sure what people are expecting to happen here… last week, the Steelers defense bottled up one of the best backs in the league and got a (Heisman-award winning?) starting QB benched for a 40-year-old recovering alcoholic. And now, what, Cadillac Williams and Josh Freeman are going to find the answers? I don’t think so. Steelers cover

Bengals -3 at Panthers: Nothing I’ve seen from the Panthers thus far indicate “beat anyone” much less “beat a team that I still haven’t really figured out yet.” That said, Panthers by 35. Bengals cover

Falcons +5.5 at Saints: Ugh. It’s about time for the Saints to really start clicking and I don’t know that the loss of Reggie Bush is really that awful a thing. He’s a nice player for the Saints but really not much more. I want to take the Falcons and points here, but this game has all the makings of one I’d be looking at on Monday with “what were you thinking” playing on a loop in the background. Saints cover

Niners +1 at Chiefs: I have to say… the Chiefs have got me. A riled up Arrowhead, followed by a nice road win. I don’t know that the Niners come back after that terrible loss, go on the road, and steal one from the Chiefs. To note, I just used “steal one from the Chiefs”. I’m screwed. Chiefs cover

Lions +10 at Vikings: This comes down to one thing — Favre looks done and I don’t trust him to lead the team to cover at 10 point spread. Lions +10

Cowboys +3 at Texans: Honestly, I don’t know how to live in this world where the Cowboys are almost properly rated. This game weirdly doesn’t pass the sniff test for me. It seems obvious the Texans should trounce the Cowboys this week. But — mistakes have killed the Cowboys the last two weeks and, at some point, they really have to fix themselves up. Also, I really don’t see Romo continuing to serve up interceptions at the rate he has been. Something’s got to give. You don’t keep putting up 400+ yards of offense and losing. This is probably mostly divisional bias from me. Cowboys outright

Redskins -4 at Rams: Last week’s loss to the Texans is something that could be a season-defining loss. To have an NFL game in hand and squander it over the fourth quarter is something that could really send a season in to a tailspin in Week 2. I’m going to assume it goes the other way and two strong leaders will turn it in to a defining moment the other way. I think the Rams get destroyed here… I love the low over/under of 38.5 here, too. Redskins cover

Eagles -3 at Jaguars: Welcome back, Mr. Vick. Here’s a crappy pass rush for you to carve up and laugh at. Eagles cover

Colts -5.5 at Broncos: Is it possible the “Broncos always win at home early in the season” is an effect of having a high elevation stadium and visiting football players aren’t really fully in game shape in the first or second game of the season? So the altitude and lack of oxygen screws with them more than it does the Broncos players? Probably, and in that vein, I’m taking the points. For the record, this is ALSO a game I’m going to be looking at on Monday saying “what were you thinking”. I’m throwing out the Colts destruction of the Giants last week because they collectively decided to play the worst possible defense and offense against the Colts — a choice which led me to the unprecedented decision to turn a Giants game off in the 3rd quarter. I’d had enough of watching a team pass ineptly in to the Colts lockdown secondary when they had three runningback options who would have laid waste to the Colts’ defensive line and might have saved Eli from one or two thousand hits from a nigh-unblockable Dwight Freeney. Note to Kevin Gilbride — when a pass rusher is walking over the top of your tackles, it might be time to stop calling plays that take 8 seconds to develop. Just some friendly advice. Broncos +5.5

Chargers -5.5 at Seahawks: We still don’t know what the Seahawks or the Chargers are, hence this crazy line with an OK team going north. I still like Seattle to threaten for NFC West because the Carroll/Hasselbeck combo is better than people think. I’m throwing out last week in Denver due to the Mile High Effect discussed in the previous paragraph and taking the points. Seahawks +5.5

Raiders +4 at Cardinals: I’m putting some money on this upset… it’s one of the best upset picks on the board this week and really the Cardinals have shown nothing that makes me think they’re recovering this season from the loss of Warner. I think the team had to trade for Jason Campbell to get to the guy who probably should have been starting all along, but that’s just how they roll in Raider Nation. Raiders outright

Jets +1.5 at Dolphins: Which team suffers a bigger let-down week? I’d have to guess the road team. Besides, I’ve seen this movie before… the Jets come rolling in to Miami off a huge win, and Miami reminds them that they can beat the entirety of the Jets’ fancy blitz playbook by having two great runningbacks and short passing them to death. Dolphins cover

Monday
Packers -3.5 at Bears: These big division rivalry games are really hard to call when they’re over three points. I’m just sitting on the fact that the Bears taking down the Cowboys last week was really not that big a deal and the Packers will play smarter. This smells like a 17-10. Packers cover

Gambling
3-5 (-$113)

I remember being dazzled by over/unders back when I first started betting on games… mainly because all I had to do was root for scoring. It’s much easier to just celebrate every touchdown. Betting on unders is like the dude who bets Don’t Come on the craps table. Nobody wants to hang out with that guy. They’re a great fallback in weeks when you really don’t love anything, and I really don’t love anything this week.

$100 (+10) – Redskins/Rams over 38.5: I don’t expect the Redskins to have any problems scoring against the Rams after really scoring enough against the Texans to win. The only gotcha here would be the Redskins defense pitching a shutout in St. Louis, but that seems really hard in a domed stadium.
This has gone… about as well as I expect

$100 – Raiders over Cardinals (+193): This is about the only money line bet I love this weekend. Clearly, with my rock solid record of 1-3 (-$138) on money lines this year, you should listen to everything I say. I’d be less confident in this with Jason Campbell starting, but I have no faith in the Cardinals offense to score anything. It stuns me how bad Ken Whisenhunt must think Matt Leinart is to allow Derek Anderson to flail aimlessly as his starter.

$200 (+20) – Patriots/Bills over 42.5: The Patriots and Bills are in that vaunted “the Bills always play them tough” codespeak for “the Bills often cover the spread”. I can’t put real money on a spread here, but I can put money on two teams that have gone over 42.5 in 6 of their last 8 meetings. In fact, it might be worth it to ride the Patriots over until they don’t cover one.

$50 – Lions over Vikings (+516): I don’t love this enough to put a whole lot on it, but I do love it enough to take a shot for +500. The Lions have been losing but playing tough and the Vikings have been losing and playing awful. Would it be that stunning to see the Lions steal a game on a late field goal against a dead Minnesota team?

Current Pool: $1387 – $450 – $30 = $907

This week was the first time I’ve gotten to experience NFL Red Zone on a Sunday afternoon. I must say, when there’s not a particular game you want to watch, it’s amazing. Over these first days in Florida, I really understand why we pasty Northeasterners buy real estate down here. See, I’ve always stuck to the fact I hate beaches and hotel pools. As it turns out, I only hate being around other tourists at beaches and hotel pools. If I, in fact, have my own pool, totally wrapped in its own screen house where I can walk outside and jump in the pool and float at my leisure, it’s pretty awesome.

That said, if there’s any one state where the broken US real estate market is still on display, it’s Florida. The community we’re staying in is pretty nice. It’s about 15 minutes from the Fort Myers’ Airport, has two golf courses, a spa, a gym, and is designed pretty much to be people’s vacation homes. Not condos — actual detached houses with their own pools and yards. The community’s homeowners association ($800/month) handles the pool upkeep, yards, and cleaning so the owners can fly in to a clean home, stay however long, fly out, and someone comes in and cleans up for them. Out of curiosity, I looked up one of the homes I happened to see for sale. The neighborhood was built, according to the public records available on the awesome Trulia.com, in 2002. The house — which is on the corner so I’ll assume it was a model — was initially purchased from the developer in November 2005 for $150,000. In May of 2007, it was sold for $820,000. It has been listed on Trulia for over four months at $779,000. So, a set of hosed owners are maintaining hope they’ll get the balance of their insane $800,000 mortgage on a $150,000 property. It’s awesome that mortgage companies have ruined destroyed vacation homes for normal people for the next 30 years. Don’t get me wrong — this place is gorgeous…. for $200k… not for a million. But to the guy who managed to sell his $150k house for $800k…. tip of the cap to you.

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L/L – Chiefs +3 over Browns, 16-14, Browns cover: Manginiwatch 2010 is, in fact, on.

W/W – Packers -13 over Bills, 34-7, Packers cover: Not a whole lot to say here. The Bills are as bad as advertised. The Pack are as good as advertised.

W/W – Bengals (pk) over Ravens, 15-10, Bengals: Quite possibly the worst game of football that will be played this season. The Bengals won with 5 field goals off 4 Joe Flacco interceptions. So far the Ochocinco/TO combination has been almost as overrated as the Cowboys.

L/W – Steelers +5.5 over Titans, 19-11, Steelers +5.5: I think we’ve learned that the Steelers can absolutely stuff great running backs. You’re simply not going to put up hundreds of rushing yards against them. They used exactly the same formula this year — stuff Chris Johnson and force the Titans’ QB to beat them. Only this time, instead of just making Kerry Collins fail, they made both Vince Young AND Kerry Collins fail.

W/L – Eagles -3.5 over Lions, 35-32, Eagles cover: Full disclosure, I ended up watching most of this game even on Sunday Ticket. I really couldn’t process Red Zone and the constant swapping in between games, so I just decided to watch Michael Vick. Any one single drive was enough to remember all the good and bad with Michael Vick. On one play, he’d escape a dead-to-rights sack and dump a pass in the flat for a gain. Then he’d run for a first down by himself. Then he’d gun an inexplicable pass in to triple coverage. Garbage time cover ruined a lot of sheets this week.

L/W – Bears +9 over Cowboys, 27-20, Bears +9: And thus, my knockout pool ends in week two. Why I ever pick for or against the Cowboys remains one of life’s great mysteries. The Cowboys look really, really bad. Like, even gloriously worse than I expected… and I expected them to be bad.

L/L – Bucs +3.5 over Panthers, 20-7, Panthers cover: Are we living in a world where the Bucs are good… or just a world where the Bucs are better than other bad teams?

W/W – Falcons -7 over Cardinals, 41-7, Falcons cover: Didn’t watch much here… it was a blowout early and we never looked back. Really, the Cards should have thrown a giant pile of cash to get Warner to play one more season… because it’s over.

L/W – Dolphins +5.5 over Vikings, 14-10, Dolphins +5.5: I only watched a few plays in this game, but maybe it’s not the best strategy to let a super old quarterback just step in to the offense when everyone else has been playing for six weeks and expect him to be right up to speed. Even Favre apologists are starting to use the “o” word in regards to how Brett’s playing.

W/L – Raiders -4 over Rams, 16-14, Raiders cover: I forgot Bruce Gradkowski was still in the league. That poor guy had to spend a whole year backing up JaMarcus Russel and barely got a look? And it only takes six quarters for him to punt Jason Campbell out of the starting line-up. This never would have happened if Al Davis was still………… too easy.

L/L – Broncos -3.5 over Seahawks, 31-14, Seahawks outright: Insane but meaningless stat — the Broncos have won 11 straight home openers. Sadly didn’t see much of this due to watching the Pats/Jets stunner, but this seems like one to throw out under the “home opener” rule.

L/L – Texans -3 over Redskins, 30-27, Redskins outright: True story, I was watching this game and shut it off to watch something more interesting when the score was 27-10. I patted myself on the back for both calling this upset and playing against Matt Schaub in fantasy football. Imagine my surprise to find out I both lost the game and that Matt Schaub had gone from 11 to 29 points in less than an hour. The Battery Park Plainsmen’s fortunes were riding on Drew Brees and 19 points.

W/W – Chargers -7.5 at Jaguars, 38-13, Chargers cover: A blacked out game, 38 points, 3 touchdown passess and my Legedu Naanne can’t get more than one touch. My silent feud with Philip Rivers continues.

L/L – Jets -1 over Patriots, 28-14, Patriots outright: Between this win and the Giants loss, Jets’ fans will be insufferable tomorrow. You’d think I’d be insulated from it being in Florida, but you forget that 3/4ths Florida’s population is old New Yorkers. The other quarter are drunks and babies.

L/L – Colts -5.5 over Giants, 38-14, Giants outright: Setting aside the garbage time over/under that saved my gambling week, there are a couple of things I would like to shake out of Tom Coughlin. Note: most of these points were made by Cris Collinsworth because he’s awesome but I repeat them here. Starting from the beginning, why in the world would you defer to the Colts when their entire team is built to play with a lead, not play from behind. Second, what on Earth were you doing with a game plan in which Eli was forced to throw against a Colts defense that’s 100% designed to prevent you from passing. This is what a team that’s designed to play with a lead does. They stop you from passing. That’s why a moderately competent back can have a 200 yard day against their defense. I will never understand why after Ahmad Bradshaw opens a drive with an 8-yard run, the next two plays are defended pass, defended pass. It’s maddening. On top of that, I’m done with Brandon Jacobs. He spent five years as one of my favorite players, but if the dude refuses to hit linebacker, he’s worthless. Jacobs outweighs EVERY LINEBACKER ON THE COLTS by 30 pounds, and he tries to dance around him. I’m done with him. If Tom Coughlin & Co. can’t convince him to start taking a f*cking hit once in a while, leave him on the bench and let someone else play. Also, is it possible that we could have gotten Dave Diehl a -little- help against Dwight Freeney? Maybe, I dunno, a fullback? The whole game sucked save for a garbage time over/under cover and 6 fantasy points from Hakeem Nicks. Awful.

W/L – Saints -4.5 over Niners, 25-22, Saints cover: Is there anything a gambler hates more than a soft prevent defense in the waning minutes of a game?

Straight Up: 7-9 (17-15)
Against The Spread: 7-9 (17-15)

Gambling

$100 – Giants +197 over Colts — L
$100 – Redskins +119 over Texans — L
$100 – Saints -5.5 over Niners — L
$200 – Colts/Giants over 48.5 — W (+$420)

Spread: 1-2 (-$175)
Money Line: 1-3 (-$138)
Over/Under: 1-0 (+$200)
Total: 3-5 (-$113)

Current Pool: $967 + $420 = $1387

Sunday

Chiefs +3 at Browns: Everything points at this as a huge letdown game for the Chiefs. There is nothing in football history suggesting the Browns lose this game. If the Browns lose this, Mangini could be gone before the end of September. Browns cover

Bills +13 at Packers: The Bills have reached the vaunted “Raider Zone” where there really aren’t enough points to get me to pick them on the road. Packers cover

Ravens (pk) at Bengals: Really clueless on this game. The Bengals played one of the better teams in the league and got beat up, so that’s a wash. The Ravens played one of the more overrated teams in the league and beat THEM up, so that’s a wash, too. Really no clue… and winning two in a row on the road is tough. Bengals

Steelers +5.5 at Titans: The Steelers were the first to face the 2009 Chris Johnson show and, well, pretty much held him down and forced Kerry Collins to beat them. Johnson only rushed for 57 yards in 15 carries — most of which came from a single 32-yard run. They also held Michael Turner — no slouch — to 42 yards in 19 carries this past week. Granted, the Titans have a better chance this season with Vince Young at the helm — but a big win? Nah. Steelers +5.5

Eagles -3.5 at Lions: The Eagles’ pass defense is way better than the Bears’ — and the Eagles’ back-up QB is way better than the Lions’. Who’s ready for a good old fashioned QB Controversy ™ in Philly?* Let’s be honest here — if Michael Vick leads the team to a win, Kevin Kolb’s rattled coconut may have ended the Kolb era before it started. Eagles cover

* – I am. There’s zero reason for Kevin Kolb to start. So let’s start him a few games.

Bears +9 at Cowboys: This has all the makings of “Cowboys at home throw up 40 on a bad team and everyone agrees they are actually a playoff team regardless of whether they are or not.” They’re still not a good team, but Cutler will make some dumb throws and present the game to them. However, all the holding calls on the Cowboys line indicate they’re even worse than we thought. One major story of this season — aside from the fact we’re apparently averaging three concussions per game — is going to all the extra drive-killing holding calls that come from the umpire. The Cowboys are my knockout pool pick of the week. Get them out of the way now. Bears +9

Buccaneers +3.5 at Panthers: Beating the Browns is not enough for me to take the Bucs on the road. 3.5 isn’t enough to change my mind. Panthers cover

Cardinals +7 at Falcons: Western team traveling east… and not that good a team to boot. Falcons get back on their feet here by 10. Falcons cover

Dolphins +5.5 at Vikings: Were it not for the Dolphins’ inability to put more than 15 on a terrible, terrible Bills team, I’d love this as an upset. I’m still convinced the Vikings are going to better than they showed in the first week and this game at home is the first step. The Vikings win, but make enough mistakes to let the Dolphins keep it close. Dolphins +5.5

Rams +4 at Raiders: Watching the last few minutes of the Rams’ game last week gave me some perspective on Spaguolo as a head coach. It appears he’s a better coordinator. This is a big test for the Raiders. If they put a hurting on a far inferior NFC West team, then they’ll take advantage of their soft schedule. If they don’t… well… sorry, Cam. Raiders cover

Seahawks +3.5 at Broncos: It’s not that I think the Seahawks are really that good. It’s that I think the Broncos are really that bad. Seahawks outright

Texans -3 at Redskins: This is tempting. The Texans just harpooned their white whale at home last week. Walk in to play a much tougher defense. This has let-down week written all over it — both for Arian Foster owners and the rumored “Texans fans”. Redskins outright

Jaguars +7.5 at Chargers: I’m pretty sure the Chargers get right here. If they don’t…. how bout them Padres? … Wait, that’s not going very well either, is it? Chargers cover

Patriots +1 at Jets: God bless my friend’s Tuesday morning lines. So, for this spread to make sense, we’re assuming that 1) Belichick can’t figure out the “Make Mark Sanchez’s arm beat us” formula 2) Brady is not a better quarterback than Joe Flacco 3) Revis can shut down both Randy Moss and Wes Welker at the same time and 4) Brady is suddenly going to get intimidated by the Meadowlands? Really? The Jets would have to be getting at least 5 here for me to entertain taking them. Patriots outright

Giants +5.5 at Colts: I’m going to regret this… I know I am. I’m talking myself in to an awful lot here but: 1) The Colts are down their best defensive player. 2) Without Bob Sanders, the Colts’ run defense is awful. 3) The Giants’ backs should be able to crush that run defense. 4) Jeff Saturday is still out. 5) The Giants pass rush is at full strength. 6) Eli threw no real interceptions last week and should be able to pick apart the Colts’ as well as Peyton picks apart the Giants. 7) The Giants and the over sounds really, really good here. Giants outright

Monday
Saints -4.5 at 49ers: Full on destruction by the Seahawks and they’re only getting 4.5 against a Saints team that was just getting its feet right last week? How this is only 4.5 is crazy, and how it’s only moved to 5.5 is stunning. The O/U on this game is 44 and the Saints might do that by themselves. Saints cover

Gambling

In the normal case, I refuse to bet on or against my own team for karmic purposes… but this is just too tempting. Both because 1) I really think the Giants can beat the Colts and 2) I don’t see either defense really stopping the other offense.

$100 — Giants +197 over Colts
$200 (+20) — Colts/Giants over 48.5
$100 (+10) — Saints -5.5 over 49ers
$100 — Redskins +119 over Texans

Current Pool: $1497 – $530 = $967

I had a really bad year against the spread last season, with a pathetic 21 games under .500. Much like my Giants, I was pretty well done by the time Thursday games started. Speaking of which, in the new TV deal, can we get a weekly Thursday game and the double MNF game every week? More national games = more better. As for the straight up crown, Mr. Bootleg never posted the final totals for He and Joe, but if my math is correct, I was good for 166 wins and 2nd place. However, as Bootleg’s comments have pointed out in the past, my math is usually wrong.

As for the Giants this week… a couple things. First, had the Giants receivers not tipped 3 nice passes from Eli Manning directly in to the waiting hands of defends, Eli would have had a career day to open the season. Second, watching a destroyed secondary last year was not nearly as fun as watching a healthy, rebuilt secondary who can stop third-and-long and pick-off the floating pass. It’s fun to watch. Third, Hakeem Nicks was a late-round pick-up in my fantasy draft and almost single-handedly won my week. The combination of Matt Forte, Nicks, and a late addition by Legedu Naanee would have even held-off the Arian Foster explosion had I been playing him in Week One. So, all told, I’m more confident than I have any right to be going in to next week against the Colts because 1) Eli didn’t really throw any interceptions and 2) if Arian Foster can torch the Colts for 41 fantasy points, I’m relatively confident that Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw can, too.

—

L/L – Saints -4.5 over Vikings, 14-9, Vikings outright: Not much to say here. Totally misread what Favre was going to be able to do on a rickety ankle and having gotten no live game reps. Ironically, this was the same thing that made me right about the Jets. I do find Childress’ lack of plays going to their, you know, world class runningback while their QB gets back in game shape to be confusing. I’d also note that in my big-money pool, this counted as a win because the Saints were giving 5.5. Damn Tuesday lines.

W/W – Giants -7 over Panthers, 31-18, Giants cover: See above. That the Giants had the first win and the Jets had the first loss in the stadium is just wonderful.

W/W – Dolphins -3 over Bills, 15-10, Dolphins cover: Buffalo is usually a nightmare for the Dolphins. For them to get it out of the way while the weather is still nice is huge.

W/W – Steelers +2.5 over Falcons, 15-9, Steelers cover: The first of four entries in this week’s “deflated Super Bowl Picks for lazy television personalities.” The Falcons are still a young team. The Steelers are not.

W/W – Bears -6 over Lions, 19-12, Lions +6: Folks, it wasn’t a catch. If a receiver is going to the ground in the act of catching the ball, he has to finish going to the ground with full control. There’s no way to tell whether the ground knocked the ball out of Calvin Johnson’s hand or whether he dropped it on purpose. Yes, it’s dumb that being down by contact doesn’t end the play, but that’s the rule.

L/L – Patriots -4.5 over Bengals, 38-24, Bengals outright: What we learned here. The Patriots are still the Patriots and the Bengals… well… we don’t really know about the Bengals yet. We know they can’t beat one of the better teams in the AFC and that’s about it.

L/W – Bucs -3 over Browns, 17-14, Browns outright: Mangini-watch 2010 is officially on.

L/L – Jaguars -2.5 over Broncos, 24-17, Broncos outright: It’s occurring to me as I type this up that I may have selected too many underdogs.

L/L – Texans +2.5 over Colts, 34-24, Colts cover: Trying not to overrate this road-loss against a team that plays them tough even when they’re bad. But… I’m giddy for next weekend instead of terrified… which is itself terrifying. Conflict… I has it.

W/L – Titans -6.5 over Raiders, 38-13, Raiders +6.5: I still think I’m right about them being 6-3 (I said 6-2… didn’t realize they’re bye was week 10) going in to the bye. This was one of those three.

W/W – Packers -2.5 over Eagles, 27-20, Packers cover: Anyone who didn’t see this coming has not watched enough NFC East. That so many people were dismissing the Kolb/Vick from McNabb downgrade is, in a word, stunning. And it also stuns me that Andy Reid can still be so bad at clock management after having been in the league for roughly 150 years.

W/W – Seahawks +2.5 over Niners, 31-6, Seahawks outright: It’s funny to watch when a team with no real improvement at all can be suddenly become a contender just by sportswriters and TV personalities feeding off each other’s hype. Somehow, Alex Smith became a playoff quarterback out of nowhere. Part two of “deflated Super Bowl Picks for lazy television personalities.”

W/W – Cardinals -4 over Rams, 17-13, Rams +4: To note, my pool counts ties as wins, so I will continue to do so here. Sadly the big money pool on CBS Sports only gave 3.5, so it’s a loss there. We got taken to the ending minutes of this game. Steve Spagnuolo’s clock-management in late games is somewhat suspect. He let a full 15 seconds bleed off the board instead of taking one of his two remaining time outs to conserve time on an over the middle pass with less than a minute. Also, settle down folks — 50 pass attempts in a QBs debut isn’t a good thing no matter how you slice it. Either their running game is horrific or he was getting nothing out of his passes.

W/W – Redskins +3.5 over Cowboys, 13-7, Redskins outright: Ugly, ugly game but a trimmed down McNabb is going to be hard for this division to deal with going forward. Also, let’s not pretend the referees hosed the Cowboys. Had the defender not been held, Romo would have been paste on the turf. Part three of lazy sportswriters picks getting deflated in week one… this was the most egregious. I’ve seen folks pick the Cowboys at 12-4. This Cowboys team has no offensive line, a suspect defense, and three receivers who may be great or may be one season wonders. Also, the core that Bill Parcells put together is slowly moving on. This is no longer a well-oiled machine that will run itself. It’s now Wade Phillips’ team. Wade Phillips’ team is not going 12-4. Congrats, Leatherface… you successfully ran out a good coach for a patsy again, and it’s worked out as well as last time.

W/W – Ravens +2.5 over Jets, 10-9, Ravens outright: And Part Four. Look, I don’t think the Jets are quite as bad as the Ravens made them look, but Rex, you do have to spend a modicum of time on your offense. Sanchez looked as bad or worse tonight than he did at any point last year. I will never understand why the dummies in this town are consistently convinced that Sanchez is the next coming of Montana but Eli is still “unproven.” The Jets are going to steal some wins with defensive touchdowns this season, but these insane 13-3/12-4 predictions are, and have always been, silly. Also, 12 holding penalties? Did the Jets secondary actually run at all during training camp or did they simply join Rex for whatever the hell passes for a cheeseburger out in Cortland. On second thought… there’s nothing but farms in Cortland. The cheeseburgers are probably delicious.

L/L – Chiefs +5.5 over Chargers, 21-14, Chargers cover: Had I known of the inclement weather in Kansas City before this column, my pick would have changed. Second thing, I haven’t seen a game at Arrowhead in I don’t know how long. I forgot how insanely raucous that crowd can be. It’s really a throwback crowd… unlike the awful crowd in Giants Stadium. 5,000 empty seats to open the stadium. Well played, Maras.

Straight Up: 10-6
Against The Spread: 10-6

Gambling
One slight update. The rake on my bets was only $25. There is no 10% on money line bets; only on spread bets. Therefore the total outlay for Week 1 was $475, not $495.

$100 – Browns over Bucs at +122 — L
$150 – Chargers -4.5 over Chiefs — L
$100 – Bills -3 over Dolphins — +210
$100 – Redskins over Cowboys at +162 — +262

Spread: 1-1 (-$65)
Money Line: 1-1 (+$62)
Over/Under: 0-0
Total: 2-2 (-$3)

Current Pool: $1025 + $262 + $210 = $1497

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five

Day 13 – Friday 7/16, Edinburgh to London
- The train to London took us down the East Coast of the island. I tried to get a couple of pictures, but the Blackberry camera just didn’t do it justice through the train’s window. PLR, though, got some decent ones with her camera (listed below). This was also the day I learned that loud, obnoxious passengers were not something limited to regional rail travel in the Northeast. A group of four middle-aged folks on a geriatric trip to London got on the train about halfway through and went on a three bottles of wine fueled, loudest conversation ever coupled with shrill, obnoxious laughing that sounded like something on a bad sitcom. Take that, Brits who think Americans are more obnoxious.

• Countryside with sheep
• Cliffs in to the North Sea
• Fields in to the North Sea
• More fields in to the North Sea

- Due to the luggage, we again took a cab from the train station to the hotel. Again, this was an awful, horrible experience of traffic and slowness. I don’t know how to describe it other than just picture Lower Manhattan or Boston — you know, where all the roads go in random, non-grid directions because they are horse and carriage paths from the 1700s that were paved over. Picture that, but instead they’re even more narrow with even less space… and that’s the ENTIRE city. It’s really like a giant Boston with even narrower roads. Seriously, if you take nothing else from this eight-week epic of posting, take this — when traveling to London, travel light so the Tube is workable. We spent £70 each way to and from the airport, and anothe £25 back and forth to the train stations. Save the £200 ($300 USD) in cabs and spend £20 on the Tube.

- We got back to the Sydney House and our bags were already up in our room. I’m pretty sure they gave us a room upgrade for this overnight so, again, huzzah to them.

- We decided to do a touristy afternoon to collect up a bunch of the standard touristy stuff so “next time” we could just do non-touristy exploring (like visiting the Fuller’s Brewery!). The first stop was Picadilly Circus which, near as I can tell, is kind of like their version of Times Square… without the billboards. Instead, there are fountains and ships in bottles. Also, while leaving, there’s just a beautiful approach to Big Ben.

- The next stop was all the way over to Kensington Palace. The palace was sadly closed when we got there, so I just took a picture of the gate. This was another disappointing castle for me… not just because it was closed but because it looks modern. When I think of “castle” I want it to be so old I’m scared to walk inside… either because of potential ghosts or because some piece of stonemasonry laid 500 years ago might fall on my head. I don’t want a McCastle.

- The final stop was Kensington Whole Foods. No real reason for this trip other than we wanted another Whole Foods London canvas bag. Sadly, it appears Whole Foods has discontinued the production of canvas bags to produce the cheaper looking and chinzy I Used To Be A Plastic Bag knockoffs. As an aside, I absolutely hate this development because the canvas bags hold up to machine washing while the plastic bags don’t which means I need an additional bag for raw meat. So to answer two questions: yes, we went to Whole Foods as a tourist visit to specifically get a London-branded Whole Foods bag so we’d have something “different” than other people in Manhattan and yes, I just snootily complained about the quality of their reusable bags. Oh Manhattan Island, what you do to people. Regardless, the thing I found most amusing about this Whole Foods was their excellent wine selection, complete with a bar where one could pay a corking fee to drink the wine they just purchased. I also got unreasonably upset that Whole Foods would charge a corking fee for a bottle of wine you purchased in the store. Unreasonably because I doubt I’ll ever be in the situation where I’d be forced to pay it.

- This reminds me of something back on Day 5ish. Somehow or other, I got roped in to going to a department store in Chelsea while we were walking back from Westminster Abbey. I was annoyed for a bit, until I discovered there was a pub IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE. Not like, next door sharing an entrance but like second floor, women’s clothing, pub against the wall. This should get to the United States yesterday. The Yankee Candle Factory in Massachusetts is the closest thing I’ve seen — where they have a cafeteria and a TV room. No beer though.

- We went to dinner at an Italian restaurant near the hotel that had been daring us to come in all week. This whole idea that you can go to England and lose weight is nonsense. This was the dinner over which PLR and I actually started studying the feasibility of moving to London for a couple years. We both liked it a lot, were both pretty well fed up with New York, and decided we could use a change. We also discussed in hushed tones the feasibility of flying the cat to London. The fact that E-Discovery Company X is opening a London office in Q4 and there’s a Public Accounting Firm E office she could work in didn’t hurt the discussion. At first rip, the taxes seemed like a lot but, really, it’s about the same when Federal, New York State, and New York City are combined. If I’m going to pay 40% of my salary in taxes, why not get five weeks vacation, 9-5s, and health care out of it? The discussion was tabled, but it didn’t prevent me from discovering we could purchase a studio apartment for vacation purposes for about $200k USD. Do you have any idea how many levels of snoot I can attain by just once saying “Oh, we’re going to our flat in London for holiday”? This will happen someday. (What? If Bootleg’s going to call me unlikable, I’m going to just go with it =) ).

- We closed the final day at another pub near the hotel, the Wellesley Arms. Much the same kind of place, but I got to have another couple properly tempered cask beers while the discussion went on. I didn’t want the pub to close. It was in the pub where I realized I hadn’t missed baseball in the two weeks I’d been gone. My only concern was where I could watch the Giants. American Football — not big over there. In retrospect, I’m sad the Giants have already had their London game. If I knew in 2007 what I know now, I would have gone and not even thought twice. 1 pm and 4 pm games wouldn’t be a problem assuming I could find a TV. Prime time games, on the other hand, would be impossible.

Day 14 – Saturday 7/17, London to New York
- Creme de la Crepe need to open a location in New York. Seriously. I’ll run it. I’ll even forgive their website autoplaying Fireflies by Owl City. That’s how much I like their crepes.

- Since our flight wasn’t until late afternoon, we decided to stick a couple more touristy things in. After a week of near misses we finally made it to Tower Of London. Imagine our delight upon finally finding a castle with both an obvious moat trench and stone that actually looked old. This is what we’d been looking for in our castles. It was absolutely mobbed, though, so we didn’t go in. Just checked out the gift shop.

- We also took a short walk around the Thames to check out the tower bridge and really just have a low-key last walk around. I also finally found a good gift for my dad in a souvenir pub sign that looked something like this. Also, to give readers an idea why most of London is a traffic disaster, I took a picture of this intersection. Enjoy the dozen different traffic lights and unclear crosswalks. Then put that through the whole city with insane traffic circles.

- In all, I loved London. I could have done without the trip to Edinburgh… it was nice, but nothing there changed my life. I would like to live in London or, failing that, I’d be pretty happy to make it my second home. I’d really like to go back in April and stay at the same hotel since it’s only about a mile from Stafford Bridge which, for those of you who don’t wake up at 10am to drink on Saturday, is where Chelsea (current first place team in the English Premier League) plays their home games. I’ve never been a fan of beaches or the tropics… so now I think I have my beach. Love love love it. It’s like a clean, less smelly, not work-insane, better transited Manhattan.

Vikings +4.5 at Saints: With literally so many people making the assumption that the Saints are just going to walk out there and run up an insane score on the Vikings, this seems ripe for one of those disappointing opening games that are low scoring with two, fresh defenses that show up uninjured and ready to work. I know NFL teams change over about 98% of the roster from season to season, but let’s not forget the last meeting of these two teams came down to last minute Favre-Being-Favre, six Viking fumbles, and an overtime cointoss. These teams are much more closely matched than people are giving them credit for. 4.5 points are a gift. Vikings outright

—

Panthers +7 at NY Giants: This is the biggest spread of the week, which I find stunning. The Giants are rarely given the benefit of the doubt when it comes to Vegas. I hate the spread, but there are only two reasons I’m giving the Giants the nod here. First, the Giants humiliated themselves to close Giants’ stadium last year, getting their heads blown off by 40 points to shut the doors on Giants Stadium. Second, this is their first chance to remind the Jets of their place in town. Giants cover

Dolphins -3 at Bills: The Bills might be the worst team in the league this year, sez my season ticket holding friend. The Dolphins have a chance to be sneaky good this season. The Dolphins are also my knockout pool pick this week so, Go Fish. Dolphins cover

Falcons -2.5 at Steelers: There seems to be a nodding concession amongst everyone that the Falcons are a really good team this year. We’ve also decided that the Steelers without Ben are going to be bad. Can we remember that teams with really good defenses can win Super Bowls with Trent Dilfer? There’s no way I’m taking a team on the road in Pittsburgh in the first game of the season when Pitt’s defense is fresh. Steelers outright

Lions +6 at Bears: I’m on the bandwagon with the folks who thinks the Lions are going to be chippy this season. I don’t know enough about their defense to pick them to win this outright, but I’ll take them with the points. Lions +6

Bengals +4.5 at Patriots: I think we’ll get a pretty good sense of what both these teams are in the first game. If the Patriots are back to being the Patriots, there’s no way they let the Bengals take them out at home. If the Bengals are the offensive force we think they are, they’re going to put up 40 on a sagging Patriots’ defense and there will be a rush to pick Carson Palmer off the waiver wire. If not for Brady’s car accident and two of the Patriot’s starting lineman out… I can’t not take the Bengals with points here. Bengals outright

Browns +3 at Bucs: Bizarre spread. Mangini’s team is playing for his job and, not for nothing, he’s a way better coach than Raheem Morris. AND they’re getting points. You couldn’t pay me enough to pick the Bucs to cover a spread. Browns outright

Broncos +2.5 at Jaguars: The Broncos are always slightly better than you think they’ll be. The Jaguars are always slightly worse than you think they’ll be. Broncos outright

Indianapolis Colts -2.5 at Texans: Regular season Peyton Manning… next. Colts cover.

Raiders +6.5 at Titans: The Raiders are my “outta nowhere” team this season. There’s a pretty solid chance that with competent play they go in to the bye week at 6-2. I think this ight be one of the two, but it’ll be closer than Vegas thinks. Raiders +6.5

Packers -2.5 at Eagles: The Eagles aren’t making the playoffs this year. The Packers are. McNabb panic to start Monday. Packers cover

Niners -2.5 at Seahawks: The Niners are the consensus outta nowhere team. Which means they’re not. Seahawks outright

Cardinals -4 at Rams: I was on the border of declaring the Rams my outta nowhere team… there’s really no good reason that they can’t bubble to the top of their awful division. At the end, though, I really don’t know if Spagnuolo is as great a head coach as he is a coordinator. We’ll probably know by the end of this year. However… Derek Anderson. The Second Greatest Show On Turf this is not. Rams +4

Cowboys -3.5 at Redskins: I’ve gone on a rant before about how the Cowboys are consistently overrated by America and this year even Simmons agreed with me. The Cowboys had literally everything break right for them last season while their division fell apart. Now, the world has collectively decided to ignore the fact that the Redskins picked up a top 10 quarterback, improved what they needed to improve, and might have the best coach in the division. A coach who, by the way, has done pretty well with aging mobile quarterbacks with laser rocket arms. The Redskins are making the playoffs this year. The Cowboys are not. Redskins outright

Monday
Ravens +2.5 at Jets: I can’t tell if this is me pushing back against the insane coverage of the Jets I’ve head to deal with over the last 6 months. Remember a couple years ago when Eric Mangini went 10-6 and went to the playoffs and was dubbed the Mangenius. Then, he came back to earth and went 7-9 and was dumb and on the express bus out of town? How, pray tell, is this season different? The Jets were a .500 team last season who caught 2 breaks in the regular season, then were presented a playoff game by the Chargers when their “most accurate kicker in the league” missed THREE field goals. This isn’t to crush the Jets — the Giants caught similar breaks in their recent Super Bowl run — but this idea that they’re a 12-4 team in waiting just seems absurd to me. I’m pretty sure they’re not better than the Ravens. The -only- saving grace for the Jets is that Ed Reed is out. Otherwise, I’m supposed to buy that Sanchez has matured in to a 2nd year monster and Revis is going to have his conditioning up to cover Anquan Boldin after having not had live game reps since last January? I don’t. I expect panicky radio on Monday morning. Not to mention the fact that Ray Lewis gave a radio interview last week in which it sounds as though the Ravens defense is looking to murder Mark Sanchez. Ravens outright

Chargers -5.5 at Chiefs: If this was not a week one game, this spread would be 14 points. Take advantage kids. Chargers cover

Gambling
I’m not really gambling this year as I’m keeping Pandora’s Box (opening an online account) closed for the time being… so I’m pretending I have a $1500 bankroll and seeing where I’d end up at the end of the season. I’m using spreads and info from Pinnacle Sports dot com, which I’m not linking because I don’t want even more comment and e-mail spam than I already get. Note that spreads below may be different than spreads above because the above spreads are Tuesday lines while below will be from whenever I happen to look at them.

$100 – Browns over Bucs at +122.
$100 – Bills -3 over Dolphins
$150 – Chargers -4.5 over Chiefs
$100 – Redskins over Cowboys at +162

Current Pool: $1500 – $450 – $25 = $1025

Chatoe Rogue Single Malt Ale

Brewed By: Rogue Ales
Brewed In: Newport, OR
ABV: ??
Type: Blonde Ale

What They Say: Single Malt Ale has a malty aroma and is deep golden in color with a dense creamy head. It is medium bodied with a lush rich maltiness from the Dare™ malt. 4 Ingredients: Malts: Rogue Barley Farm first growth Dare™ malts. Hops: Rogue Hopyard first growth Revolution Hops. Yeast & Water: Free Range Coastal Water and Pacman Yeast.

Website: I discussed this in depth when I reviewed Mom Hefeweizen. Loved it then. Love it now.

Why I Picked It: I made the executive decision last year that the unofficial close of Summer Beer Season is the NFL Thursday Kick-off Special. So, before I start getting in to Octobers and Pumpkins and all the other deliciousness associated with fall I wanted to close the season with one of Rogue’s new(ish) “GYO” offerings. GYO = Grow Your Own = (I’m Guessing) sustainable Rogue beers. I bought this when I was drying out back in July and it seemed appropriate here.

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Presentation (5): I like that Rogue has given these GYO beers a different look. As I’ve said a few times before: I like when beer companies give their “special” series beers a different look to set them apart from their normal offerings. This is no different. The white label with the GYO banner across the top lets us know this is different than their normal bottles with the odd image but it still includes the trademark Rogue Fist. In this case, the fist is gripping hops. 5

Originality (5): I’m relatively certain that Sixpoint was the first East Coast brewery to pick up the “sustainable beers” torch. Regardless, I don’t know if anything other than the sustainability marketing is original. This is a malty, blonde ale with a big hop kiss. There are a lot of these pn the market. 2

Body (10): This first pour is a beautiful, clear amber with a nice quarter-inch head. Lots of carbonation dancing in the glass which maintains a lacy head nicely. There’s a lot of carbonation here which is necessary given the heavy bitterness from both the malts and the hops. Topping off the beer with the remains of the 22 oz bomber is quite a bit cloudier. I assume this is yeasty sediment of some sort, but I wasn’t quite expecting it after the initial pour was so crisp, bubbly, and clear. 8

Taste (10): As regular readers well know, I despise IPAs. I’m not part of the cool kids’ club who believe the absurd notion that unless a beer makes your face melt, it’s not good. If IPAs tasted more like this beer — that is a nice malty blend with a restrained hop kick at the end — I’d love them much more. This beer has a nice citrusy start, and a nice hop and malt bitter finish. I can’t go so far as to say it’s refreshing, but neither is it drymouthy and awful. This is one of the few cases in which I think it’d be better to have this with a slice of pizza than by itself while watching football. 6

Efficiency (10): This is tough to say. The 22 oz. bottle was $7.99 at Whole Foods. With no ABV, it’s hard to know exactly what’s going on here. What I do know is the following. It cost me $8, it was delicious, and I caught a buzz by the end of it. Extenuating circumstances: I hadn’t had any food since two o’clock that afternoon and I’ve actively reduced my alcohol consumption to almost nil. All I can go with is what happened though… I caught a solid buzz off 22 oz. of beer for $8. Tough to argue with that. 10

Versatility (10): I can’t imagine the strong hops and malt flavor in this beer would be popular with many people. Folks who love hoppy ales probably would not be satisfied with it because it’s not gross enough for them. Folks who think hoppy ales are over-rated might think it’s too hoppy. It happens to hit me as a perfect blend. But I am not the market. 4

The Snob Sez: For my first hit in to the Rogue GYO series, this wasn’t a bad launching point. I will say, the beer that came out in the first pour was very different than the beer at the bottom of the bomber. The first pour was crisp, clear, and carbonated. The end was malty, cloudy, and smooth. While I liked it all the way through, I liked the first pour more.

Final Score: 35 (of 50) Good beer.