One New York Life

Saranac Black Lager

Brewed By: FX Matt Brewing
Brewed In: Utica, NY
ABV: 5.5%
Type: Schwarzbier

What They Say: In the dusk of winter, when you come in from the cold, grab a Saranac Black Lager to warm up by the fire! This black, German style Schwarzbier has a full body and dark chocolaty flavor. Look for hints of coffee and waves of maltiness that will make you warm and “roasty”.

Why I Picked It: The Saranac 12 Beers Of Winter series continues with this, the third of six in this pack and the third of five new reviews.

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Presentation (5): Saranac forgoes the usual peaceful forest scene and just sticks a big ol’ black bear on the front standing in front of mountains. Oddly, I’m a fan of the black bear mascot. I suggest they use him more. I would have liked a stuffed version of the black bear for my dorm room. 3

Originality (5): As much as I enjoy the flavors of them, a schwarzbier with roasted coffee and chocolate malts isn’t exactly cutting edge. The schwarzbier stye comes from Germany, which probably means it’s something like a thousand years old. Literally. 1

Body (10): A not quite black, cola-esque body with obviously less carbonation. A rapidly-settling head is the prologue to a lightly-carbonated beer. I didn’t get much of an aroma after the pour. Trying really hard I was able to pick up some light malt odor. Considering the very obvious browned chocolate malts, the beer surprisingly not bitter, finishing much crisper than expected of such a dark beer. It’s refreshing as schwarzbiers go without the dryness that usually accompanies the type. Sadly, there’s just not quite enough oomph to get in to it. 6

Taste (10): The dark malts are supposed to be the star here but, as evidenced by the not-quite-potent nose, it’s difficult to find. Nothing very bold as Saranac seems to going for a masses-friendly schwarzbier instead of anything with a lot of substance. It’s perfectly serviceable and completely inoffensive, but nothing to write home about. 6

Efficiency (10): This is a fairly drinkable beer with a moderate ABV and a low-ish cost. However, if you’re going to look for something in the 5.5 range, I’d personally find something with a little more flavor punch. This is very session-able and, were it available by itself, reasonably-priced — but offered in the sampler I just wasn’t feeling it. 5

Versatility (10): True snobs won’t like this because it’s not a bold schwarzbier. The label promises strong flavors that just aren’t there. Non-snobs aren’t going to like it because the flavors something they don’t expect. It falls in to that random gray area of weak session beer for low-level snobs. Not the best category to be placed in, but I sees it how I sees it. 4

The Snob Sez: As the final score indicates, it’s a perfectly average beer. It’s about as generic a beer as the style allows. The taste is fine and I’d absolutely drink it again, but I wouldn’t go out of my for it either.

Final Score: 25 (of 50) – Good beer

1) Huge cast overhaul this season. Martha Kent, Lionel and Lex Luthor, and Lana are all gone. The only remaining characters from the beginning are Chloe and Clark. I’d also like to thank the DVD intro screen for showing a picture of Doomsday, thus revealing a major plot point for the entire season. There’s also no trace of Kara, which I guess indicates that her storyline ended when she traveled to the past. Added to the cast this season are Tess Mercer (Cassidy Freeman) as Luthor flunkie du jour, Davis Bloome (Sam Witmer) who the DVD introduction revealed as Doomsday (thanks again, guys!), and Oliver Queen. I suppose if Oliver’s a primary cast member now we’ll get a little more Justice League stuff. They also use Toyman and Zatanna this season. Zatanna’s a good character to add to the show primarily because of Superman’s vulnerability to magic.

2) When last season ended, Jor-El (or maybe Lex’s orb) had removed Clark’s powers again. Also somewhat canonized is something I presumed but don’t know if I’d mentioned yet or if it’s just part of the column on Superman’s powers I’m writing — it appears that Jor-El can’t really strip Clark of his powers as Kryptonian physiology will continue to process solar energy. What he can do, though, is suppress whatever response generates them. However, the Martian Manhunter, by flying Clark out of the atmosphere and in to the sun, was able to supercharge his body and restore his powers. So, what we learn here is that Jor-El can’t strip Clark’s powers — only suppress them. I’d assume that extends to the various other ways that Clark’s lot his powers. Unfiltered, non-atmospheric sunlight also had the effect of resurrecting Clark, who died after a mind-controlled Green Arrow shot him with an arrow. Good to know.

3) In season eight, Chloe gets the Willow storyline. She already had her somewhat questionable moments in the show’s history. Really, Chloe actively rendering someone brain-dead after he learned Clark’s secret was not all that surprising. Last year, when Brainiac attacked her, he implanted nanobots in to her. These turned her in to a super-genius and eventually allowed him to take over her body. He then used her connection to Davis Bloome to bring out the beast within. That beast was the son of Zod and Faora — the cat we all know as Doomsday. I have to say, though, brilliant plan on Brainiac’s part to take over Chloe’s body to create conflict in Clark. Clark refused to kill Chloe’s body and insisted they could save her. He turned out to be right, but he very easily might not have been. In a nice callback to the previous seasons (and a theme of the show) changing the future never ends up good. Last time Clark changed the past to save Lana, his father ended up dying. This time, visitors from the future tell him that Chloe is not a part of Superman’s life because he killed her as Brainiac. By saving her life, he allowed her to try to kill Doomsday which, in turn, made Doomsday immune to green kryptonite and thus impossible to kill. Her being saved leads to Jimmy’s death and makes the timeline worse. I love the nods to the unintended consequences of changing the future and I love the consistency.

4) However, lack of consistency to point out. With Lana gone, Chloe takes over the Isis Foundation to create a support group for the meteor infected. While tracking a serial killer of sorts, Clark wants to see the Isis Foundation’s records because, well, meteor freaks don’t have the best reputation. Again, I get the profiling point the writers want to make here but, to this point, the only “good” meteor freak is Chloe and that’s partially because her ability is so limited. When she could force people to tell her the truth, she was less than good. I get Chloe’s sudden change of heart due to her joining the ranks of meteor freaks but, c’mon.

5) Lois starts getting the tingles from Clark in the season’s first episode, so I guess we’ve reached the point in the series where the Lois and Clark tension starts. I do like the slight twist they put on the relationship here as it’s Lois falling for Clark (and not as Superman) instead of vice versa. Really, the way the relationship has been written from the introduction of Lois in to Clark’s life at an early stage and meeting him and never meeting “The Red-Blue Blur”, this was the only logical way to do it. Clark has always been hung up on Lana and that longing would make him never notice Lois. Lois had to make the first move, so I like the way it was done.

6) Lana returns and we find out that her DVD farewell from last season was coerced. She eventually escaped her captors and convinced Luthorcorp’s lead scientist to continue the Prometheus Project and use it on her. We finally find out that the Prometheus Project was a way to give humans Kryptonian abilities. The project was to flay the skin off her body, implant a layer of nanotechnology beneath it, and regrow the skin. The suit gave her speed, strength, and invulnerability. Unfortunately, Lex also designed it to absorb radiation from green kryptonite. As it also turns out, he’s still alive and forces Lana in to a situation where she must absorb an enormous amount of energy to save Metropolis from a kryptonite bomb and, thus, making her a walking green meteor rock. Two things I’d say here. One: I don’t know how solid the plan was to take Luthorcorp technology and implant it in to yourself when it’s very likely Lex would have built a failsafe in to it to control it. Two: green meteor rock has been rendered inert before. If Lex had worn this suit, Chloe probably would have spent more then a second researching how to do it before going “eh, eff it… Lana’s leaving town.”

7) Lex Luthor’s demise finally comes at the hands of Oliver Queen via a bomb Lex himself commissioned from the Toyman. Is this really the end of Lex on Smallville? If Lex’s final Smallville appearance really was in this episode, it was a weird choice to not actually get Michael Rosenbaum to close out the character. I understand that Clark and Lex’s reckoning was really last season, but his death at the hands of Oliver Queen left me feeling a little empty. Conversely, the curtain closing on Clark and Lana’s relationship was tremendously well done. Lex’s plot made it so Lana had to save Metropolis at the expense of making it impossible for Clark to ever touch her. I thought the saddest part of this season was going to be Clark walking toward her, fighting the meteor sickness, for one last kiss before she left Smallville (and his life) forever. Just a well-done scene.

8) I found myself curiously underwhelmed by the Doomsday storyline. I liked the first Doomsday attack at Chloe and Jimmy’s wedding because they did some Cloverfield style filming. I didn’t like the retconning of season one to say that a second boy came down in the meteor shower and he was the one that Lionel Luthor found. I didn’t like that the Kents somehow missed another naked boy running around the cornfield when they returned to look for Clark’s spaceship. I didn’t like that Lionel Luthor gave him away after all the testing because it was totally anti-character for him to not track the boy forever. I didn’t like the idea that Lionel somehow let the Kent adoption pass when he knew they found a random baby after the meteor shower and he was looking for an alien. The insane idea that Chloe thought she could (or should) protect a maniac serial killer who had the tendency to morph in to a Kryptonian killing machine. The plot hole opened when Faora’s (Zod’s wife, Doomsday’s mother) phantom escaped the Phantom Zone and took over Lois’s body and gave her powers even though Kryptonian abilities nearly killed Jonathan Kent and Lex Luthor’s body had to be prepared for Zod’s phantom via a special vaccine. I didn’t like Brainiac’s loosely-defined need to move him to molt or something at the fortress. However, I absolutely loved the end result. More on that in a minute.

9) This was the first season they really went out of their way to point out how annoying it must be for superheroes to work with Superman. In a great segment, Clark asks Green Arrow to break in to Luthorcorp and steal a piece of black kryptonite (as you may recall, split Lex in to his good and bad half in Season Four) so he could use it to divide Davis from his Doomsday half. He then lectures Green Arrow on right and wrong… after just accepting stolen property. Largely, the entire conflict at the end of the season was because of the split Davis/Doomsday personality and Clark’s belief that Davis was redeemable and it wasn’t right to essentially “kill” Davis by sending him to the Phantom Zone and trapping him as Doomsday forever. Clark’s and Chloe’s belief in this is what made the end so much better.

10) The black kryptonite successfully splits Davis and Doomsday in to multiple people. Clark defeats Doomsday, burying him under miles of rock beneath a power plant. Davis is brought to Watchtower where Jimmy and Chloe finally reunite. In a jealous rage, Davis (the “good” part of Doomsday), runs Jimmy through with a spear before attacking Chloe. Jimmy, in his last heroic moment, kills Davis to save Chloe. The scene closes with Chloe cradling Jimmy’s head in a nice nod to Superman’s iconic “last moments”. At first, I really hated that they had attempted to make Doomsday’s story tragic; but when it turned out that Davis was also an evil man who was just protecting himself, I was totally on board. Jimmy’s death was one of the more poignant messages of “consequence” that a Superman storyline has ever delivered. Most of the time when Superman makes these moral high-ground decisions, you don’t see consequences as direct as these. Chloe’s and Clark’s decision to try and save Davis directly led to Jimmy’s death and there is a boatload of guilt to deal with. Oliver, Chloe, and Clark will all have to live with the fact that they put this stranger’s well-being ahead of their friend and he died for their decision. Jimmy is there to remind us what could have happened if Clark had been wrong. It was one of the saddest things I’ve seen on this show and somehow rendered the end of Clark and Lana’s relationship as an afterthought.

Bonus Thought!: The distance between Metropolis and Smallville is finally canonized as a two-hour trip. It only took them eight years to tell us that most of the characters have been taking a daily two-hour commute to Metropolis.

Great season. Even though I didn’t love a lot of the Doomsday stuff, I love how they tied it up.

Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic

Brewed By: Samuel Adams
Brewed In: Boston, MA/Cincinnati, OH
ABV: 5.9%
Type: Wheat Ale

What they say: Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic is a fruit beer that draws its flavor not just from the cranberries it is brewed with, but also from the unique fermentation character imparted by the rare wild yeast strain. The result is a flavor rich in fruitiness and reminiscent of cranberries and bananas, cloves and nutmeg. The yeast fermentation also will create a slight sourness on the sides of the palate, a signature of the original Lambic style which, with the subtle cereal note from the wheat malt, remind its drinker that, as fruity a beer as this is, it is still a beer.

Why I picked it: Beer three of six in the 2009 Samuel Adams Winter Classics. One of the beers that’s included, it seems, almost yearly in Sam’s Holiday Pack.

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Presentation (5): The one thing I appreciate about the old beers offered in the Winter Classics is that they use the older-style labels with Mr. Adams raising a glass instead of the current rigoursly diminished version. I’m a sucker for throwbacks. You should see my Michael Jordan Washington Bullets jersey. 4

Originality (5): Tough to rate because it was first brewed in 1990. This is one of those “grandfather of craft brewing” ratings because they were experimenting with this stuff before anyone else. I’m sure Jim Koch did something along the lines of “hey, let’s take the ale recipe, dump some cranberries in to it, and see what happens.” Original idea with a grade retroactive to 1990. Twenty years ago. 5

Body (10): As people on The Site That Shall Not Be Named are quick to point out, this is not actually a lambic but a wheat ale. Whatever it is, it’s tough to rate the body because it’s really hard to notice anything other than the knock-your-socks-off cranberry flavor. It’s a muddy red with minimal head and crisp carbonation. There’s also an unpleasant, syrupy consistency that coats your tongue and just won’t go away. Very dry, syrupy, and just not that great. 3

Taste (10): Full disclosure here: I don’t like lambics. I don’t get them, I never have. I’ve tried different varieties of them and I find them just too sweet regardless if they’re peach or cranberry or whatever. This one is no different. All I can taste in this beer is cranberry and nutmeg. That’s a delicious flavor profile… for cranberry sauce. I just don’t get it in beer. Cranberry Lambic is frequently included in the holiday pack and I truly wish that this and Cherry Wheat would just go somewhere together in never come back… like Vermont. Don’t fruit the beer. 2

Efficiency (10): The 5.9% ABV is about the only efficient part of this beer. The flavor is too intense with cranberry tartness which makes consumption slow-going. The ABV could be 25.5% but if the flavor sucks then it’s no fun. 3

Versatility (10): There are only two uses for this I can think of. First — a party in which the goal is to bring the worst beer and second — giving someone who hates beer a beer they might like. 2

The Snob Sez: Clearly not my fave.

Final Score: 19 (of 50) – bad beer

Host: Ashton Kutcher (2). Full disclosure here. I’ve never been an Ashton Kutcher fan. He’s made a career out of playing Kelso. I haven’t liked anything he’s been in since Dude, Where’s My Car. His monologue seemed like it was written explicitly for me — talking about how he’s not the overexcitable guy anymore but with random things placed about the studio to get him to break in to a “totally awesome!” freakout. “A dog wearing sunglasses on a surfboard? Why is that even in here??”

Musical Guest: Them Crooked Vultures (1). When Dave Grohl announced the Foo Fighters were taking a break, I was crushed. The Foo Fighters have been (for me) the best, most consistent band of the ’00s. They never put out a bad single and their CDs are great. When he later announced that he’d be teaming up with legendary Led Zepplin bassist John Paul Jones, I couldn’t believe it. There was no possible way I could dislike this band. Then they chose Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age for their singer. I hate QOTSA and can’t stand Homme’s vocals. I was crushed all over again. I love the Vultures music but can’t stand their vocals. Given a choice, I would purchase Crisis of Conformity’s full album, unheard, based on Fistfight in the Parking Lot before I’d buy the Vulture’s CD. That’s really hard for me to say because I have a mancrush on Dave Grohl.

Best Skit: Crisis of Conformity — And it’s not even close. A band who hasn’t performed together since 1983 does a number at their frontman’s daughter’s wedding. If Crisis of Conformity existed, I’d buy their CD. Past their prime punk bands are big business right now. If Crisis of Conformity existed, they could put out a mediocre album with a dated political statement and win a totally undeserved Grammy and be so counter-culture that they’d get a Broadway musical.

Honorable Mention: What Is Burn Notice — I have no idea why this struck me so funny, but it did. The object of the game is for someone, anyone, to answer anything about the show Burn Notice. I think I found it funny because I had a conversation with Inside Pulse magnate Widro about the show two weeks ago. Widro’s cousin Matt loves it so Widro watches it weekly and couldn’t tell me any clear thing about it.

Line of the Week: From A Even-Tempered Apology From Rahm Emmanuel. In response to Sarah Palin calling for his resignation on Facebook. “Facebook? What are you 14? Here’s a status update: grow the f*ck up. Poke me again and I’ll write sh*t on your wall so obscene your computer will cry.” This probably would have been the best skit if not for Crisis.

Character of the Week: Abbey Elliot as Generic Hot Chick Fox News Anchor. The cold open was mostly meh, but I enjoyed the jab at Fox News’ interchangeable hot anchors.

Worst Skit: The View — The jabs at The View are usually pretty good, but Kutcher trying to play Mel Gibson ruined this. After seeing this, I’m not quite sure if Kutcher has ever seen a Mel Gibson movie or even knows what a “Mel Gibson” is.

Should Have Been Funnier: Cialis for Threesomes — The title alone seems like a home run. It just wasn’t there.

Digital Short: None :(

Weekend Update

• Eliot Spitzer (Bill Hader): The former governor shares Valentine’s Day cards for people in sex scandals. I love Hader’s obnoxious Spitzer. I can’t wait until we elect him to the Senate.
• Liam The Teenager Who Just Woke Up (Andy Samberg): Discusses Barack Obama’s budget. There was a 2-minute sketch that was put on Hulu as a “web exclusive” and this feels like a 2-minute addition to Update that was tacked on at the last minute.
• Garth & Katt (Fred Armisen and Kristin Wiig): Garth and Katt appeared on the Christmas episode as unprepared singers promoting their Christmas album. Now they’re unprepared singers promoting their Valentine’s Day album. This was note-worthy for being the only time I’ve seen Wiig lose it in a skit. Otherwise, give me Jon Bovi.
• Jean K Jean (Keenan Thompson): French Def Jam comedian Jean K Jean sounds off on the crashing Euro. I love Jean K Jean — I don’t understand why people dislike him. You know what they say though: “Mo’ Euro mo’ problems.”
• Update felt extra-long this week with some solid jokes about the loss of the Democratic supermajority and a woman who watches sunsets on her computer. My favorite was: “A new study has been published documenting the case in a Rhode Island nursing home about a cat who can accurate predict who is about to die. Either that or cats like to sleep next to whomever moves around the least. However, it is nice to know that the last thing the patients ever see is the face of the terrifying death cat.”

Final Thought: Lots of folks on my Twitter feed killed this episode. I didn’t think it was that bad, though I will say everything was hit or miss. They were either home runs or terrible and most of the good stuff didn’t come on until after Update, the reverse of which is usually the case.

Saranac Winter Lager

Brewed By: FX Matt Brewing
Brewed In: Utica, NY
ABV: 5.9%
Type: German- or Vienna-Style Lager depending on who you ask.

What They Say: Our Saranac Winter Lager is a rich, malty, old school German Lager, made with traditional German malts and hops and fermented with a lager yeast. Look for a rich but smooth malty taste, balanced by an impressive Hallertau hopping-A nice reward for enduring our winter months.

Why I Picked It: This is the second of four new beers (and the second of five unreviewed beers) in Saranac’s 12 Beers Of Winter 2009. We can also designate this Saranac’s entry in to the crowded winter seasonal market.

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Presentation (5): Saranac offers a Winter Lager that’s blue with red lettering. I’m curious as to why red on blue is the go-to color for winter beers. The painting is a nice winter scene with snow covered trees. Nice, if not a little bland. 2

Originality (5): As mentioned previously, I can’t fault a brewer for bringing a product to market that most other brands offer even if it’s not very original. Bringing a Winter Lager to the market in 2009 is a little behind the curve but it’s forgivable when it takes a brewery a long time to get something right. 2

Body (10): It pours the same reddish-brown as most winter lagers with a healthy, creamy head hinting at a hearty beer. The body has a touch more depth then Sam’s or Blue Point’s offerings with a perfect amount of carbonation to offset the extra heartiness. It’s a really nicely done German with an excellent body and head to carry the flavor. 8

Taste (10): The flavor is incredibly balanced. There’s no specific overpowering taste I can isolate out to say “this tastes like ingredient X.” There’s a nice, malty flavor that blends remarkably well with the hops. As seems to be the case with me, I enjoy beers with a Hallertau hop finish. There are distinct spicy notes, a hint of caramel, and a general warmness from the ABV but nothing that stands out. There is a distinct German flavor which I’ve come to appreciate more since my Oktoberfest trip. A good, solid beer that blends all the ingredients remarkably well. Nothing wrong with that. 8

Efficiency (10): Hard to knock the efficiency of this beer. It’s 5.9% with a really tasty flavor and a great balance of body vs. carbonation. It’s only currently available in the 12 Beers Of Winter but, should it end up by itself in a six-pack next year, I’d be hard pressed to not put it up with my favorite winter offerings. It would be a reasonably-priced session beer with a strong ABV. 10

Versatility (10): As winters go, pretty high. The flavor is gentler then other winters and yet somehow pretty complex. The body is rich, yet carbonated and light. Sometimes, when a beer does a lot of things pretty good instead of one thing really well, it makes for a better product. Call it the Blyleven argument. 7

The Snob Sez: It’s really just a simple beer done the right way. Whereas the Maple Porter would enjoy life more as a 22 oz. bomber, the Winter Lager has future six-pack or session draft written all over it. I’d be pumped if they released this as a winter seasonal next year… so I’m filing this as my official request.

Final Score: 37 (of 50) – Great beer

I have made a few references here to PLR’s job and the fact I go weeks at a time without seeing her. Y’see, she has one of those fancy, as-seen-on-TV Manhattan jobs. You know, the ones where a bunch of hot young twentysomethings go out and drink a lot while talking about how hard their job is and how many hours they work — but somehow they’re never in the office and they do nothing but drink and hook-up with each other? The real version of that job is, well, something like that but without the never in the office part. This year, her job has already had her in India for two weeks (with another six weeks to follow) and she’ll start in with 100 hour weeks starting in March.

That’s not to say that the job doesn’t have perks. Along with a crap-ton of airline miles she also gets a lot of lunches and dinners on the company. One of the places where she occasionally ends up is Del Frisco’s Steakhouse in Manhattan. She and her co-workers rave about the deliciousness of the food there. After two years of listening to it — and, on a visit to see fellow beer snob The Big Show, seeing a segment on local Boston TV’s Phantom Gourmet where Ernie Boch, a Boston car magnate, claimed he occasionally takes his private jet to New York just to dine there — I finally bumped it to the top of the birthday list ahead of Plataforma. Do you have any idea how good a restaurant has to sound for me to bump it ahead of a Brazilian Steakhouse with all you can eat meat? Really good.

We got to the restaurant about 15 minutes ahead of our 7:30 reservation so went to the bar for a drink. The place was the antitheses of the regular Old Man Steakhouse in Manhattan. The multilevel layout is much more open and airy then standard steakhouse. The dining room is floor-to-ceiling windows with views of Rockefeller Center and Radio City Music Hall. On the night we were there, Lady Gaga was at Radio City, so I’ll leave it to the reader’s imagination to formulate the cavalcade of outfits we had the pleasure of watching. The interior and the vibe is nothing like the dark mahogany I’ve come to expect from a steakhouse. There was even music. We went to the bar for a drink. Funny story, since it was my birthday, PLR went up to the bar to purchase my drink. The round was a Gin and Tonic (their well gin was Tanqueray) and a pinot noir. I saw PLR take two twenties out of her wallet as the bartender was pouring. I saw the bartender lean in to tell her the cost and saw her go digging for a ten. I paused and watched the transaction and was… concerned. The bartender took the cash and PLR threw me a WTF look, to which I responded with a “hey, you’ve been here before” shrug, to which she responded with a “well, yeah, but I’ve never actually PAID for it” eyeroll. Who says you need marriage for old married couple telepathy? As it turned out, though, she misheard the bartender and the round was $26 and not $46. So, yeah, the cost of two drinks was a much more reasonable $30. I’ll also leave it to the reader to decide for themselves the level of sarcasm in the preceding sentence.

We were seated right on time, next to a group of thee Manhattan dudes trying to outstory each other with Barney Stinson-like conquests. For the appetizer, PLR decided to go with the lettuce wedge. I laughed at her attempt to be healthy and went for the crab cake in lobster sauce. PLR’s lettuce was a fresh, crisp wedge of iceberg lettuce doused in real bleu-cheese dressing. I’ve gotten so used to the crap, bottled bleu cheese that comes with chicken wings that I actually forget the awesomeness contained in real bleu cheese dressing. My crab cake was fork tender with giant pieces of crab in it without the heavy breadcrumb and non-crab ingredients that cheapskate-out most crab cakes. It was served in a oblong, shallow dish; the bottom of which was coated with a lobster bisque-type sauce. The combination of the flaky, fried crab dipped in the sweet lobster bisque was insanely good. I finished the crab cake with some remaining sauce in the dish which quickly fell victim to the mini-loaf of crusty bread.

After the appetizers came the steaks. I have one hard and fast rule about going to a fancy restaurant: if there is a dish on the menu that shares the restaurant’s name, I order it. Therefore, I ordered the 28 oz. Double Eagle Bone-In Ribeye. To The Big Show’s chagrin, I did not take Ernie Boch’s advice and order it “as the chef desired” but went with the more traditional medium-rare. PLR ordered her standard 8 oz. Filet Mignon cooked medium. PLR comes from one of those families that cooked the bejesus out of all their meat — whereas I came from a family where my grandfather was a butcher — thus the constant struggle of meat temperatures. I refuse to actively ruin meat when I cook it and she refuses to not make herself ill if I only cook a pork chop to “done” instead of “tree bark”. In this particular case, I was perfectly happy to watch her eat around the edge of the steak and leave the perfectly cooked, delicious middle of her filet for my dessert. We also got creamed spinach and potatoes au gratin. My steak was a gorgeous red in the middle with just a touch of sear on the surface and the tiniest layer of well at the edges. The steak was juicy and the spice rub, whatever magic was in it, was amazing. Perfectly seasoned, not oversalted, with just a hint of garlic. The potatoes au gratin were hot and buttery with some cheese mixture melted over the top. My least favorite was the creamed spinach. There was a spice of some sort in the cream mixture that I just wasn’t feeling. I couldn’t tell what it was but it just made the dish less desirable. Regardless, it wasn’t missed as I proceeded to crush everything on my steak plate, most of the potatoes, and the delicious center of PLR’s filet. It was like watching a werewolf feed on a baby. It was ugly. The only reason I didn’t pick up and gnaw on the bone was because PLR worries about things like “manners” and “couth.” Which was ironic as I listened to the guy next to me talk about the I-banker girl who he was in the process of bagging. True story.

From there, I went with the completely unnecessary chocolate lava cake. I can’t really decide whether the lava cake was average or if I was just so full my body was telling me to stop. We’ll call it a draw.

It’s not often that a place that I’ve been building up in my head for two years delivers, but this one did. I’ve been to Bobby Van’s, The Capital Grille, and Smith and Wollensky’s (albeit only for lunch) and Del Frisco’s blew them all away. As a steakhouse, it’s obviously in the five dollar-sign tier of restaurants but, I have to say, it was worth every penny. I’m planning on taking PLR there for her birthday… whether she wants to or not.

1) I hate when TV shows “kill characters off” at the end of a season and then they’re in the credits the following year. Chloe’s and Lana’s appearance in both the DVD preview screens and the credits kind of ruined the surprise. Also being introduced this season — Jimmy Olsen and Supergirl. Annette O’Toole is gone as Martha Kent’s senate seat will keep her occupied. By the end of the first episode, everyone’s alive and Bizarro is, for now, handled. Weirdly, Bizarro can fly. I’m very curious as to the writers’ purposes for keeping Clark grounded for so long. I don’t know if it’s ultimately a handy plot point for them that he can’t fly or if it’s actually an homage to the pre-flight Superman’s comic book existence. Every other Kryptonian who has come to Earth can immediately fly. All the bad guys, Clark’s father, even Supergirl emerges from her ship with the ability. It’s a weird, as yet unexplained plot device.

2) I got a cool appearance by Dean Cain as they nearly complete the history of living Supermen. Cain plays a professor (Curtis Knox… CK… cute) who is immortal and is attempting to harvest Kryptonite saturated organs to make his wife immortal. This was kind of a bizarre little episode. Knox is introduced as an immortal something who’s been alive for at least 1500ish years (he claimed to have fought Mayans, might have been Napoleon, claimed to be Jack The Ripper, was in the Nazi party) and he’s just weirdly and inexplicably disposed of by the Martian Manhunter with: “Your father and I had a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it came to crime and punishment. I suggest we abide by the same rules.” I understand they wanted to give Cain some kind of Superman-esque character with powers and abilities and he probably only wanted to do one episode. But it made the whole thing feel weirdly disjointed, poorly explained, and bad.

3) Season 7 is pretty much the transitional season between the high school relationships and the way we know the characters later in Metropolis. Lois Lane transitions from army brat to tabloid reporter to Daily Planet star reporter. Lex transitions to all-out evil. Lana transitions to the left behind, kinda-evil high school sweetheart. Lana gets a taste of Clark’s powers via the green kryptonite + electricity power transfer callback to season one. Although, in this case, the contact doesn’t occur for long enough to sap Clark’s powers. In this case, Lana simply gains Clark’s powers without it affecting him. Admittedly, this does lead to a funny sequence in which Smallville is rocked by an earthquake when Clark and Lana do the superpowered nasty. Then it, predictably, veers off to the human gets superpowers and goes on a vengeance-fueled revenge trip storyline. This forces Clark to take his powers back from Lana via another dose of green kryptonite and electricity. One wonders how that worked since the green meteor rock and electricity has only transferred powers in the past and, since they both have powers, it shouldn’t actually steal or grant powers from either but details, details. This led to the best example of one of the season’s themes — that being Clark’s indignation about how his friends deal with bad guys differently. His friends are more willing to work outside justice (Lana would have killed Lex) while Clark wouldn’t. Summed up by a speech from Lana filled with enough passive-aggressive guilt to make a Jewish-mom proud: “Every transgression that I have made, you have answered with a hypocritical judgment. No one can live up to your self-righteous standards. Do you know what it’s like to wake up every morning knowing that you’re going to be a failure in the eyes of the only person you’ve ever loved.” Clark, to his credit, had no time for her shenanigans. “And you’re the one who fell in love with [Lex Luthor]. And then [Bizarro Clark].” Own it, Superman!

4) Speaking of evil people with powers, it was nice that the show got back to some bad guys and meteor freaks and away from the heavy Lex/Lana craziness plot from last season. I liked that Chloe changed her tune about a marginalized minority after she became one and wouldn’t allow people to call them “meteor freaks” anymore. At least the characters are consistent, even Pete’s return (who hasn’t been seen since leaving for Topeka in season three) and semi-heel turn. My complaint here, though, is Chloe’s oddly unexplained and poorly fleshed out meteor ability. In last season’s finale, Chloe’s tears brought Lois back to life. Chloe died after the healing, but her body eventually absorbed the injury. She wakes up, back to life, laying in a morgue drawer. Later, she demonstrates the ability to Jimmy and it seems to hurt her a little but she doesn’t take on the cut. Later, she brings Lex back to life and stays dead for a little bit longer. Then, before this ability is ever really fully explored or tested, she loses it when Brainiac does… something to her… and it’s never mentioned again. More like: “oh well, it’s gone. Yay, I can’t heal massive injuries to my Superhero friends anymore.” A victim of the writer’s strike?

5) We get introduced to a new Kryptonite color. This season gives us blue kryptonite which has the same power-stripping abilities of the green kryptonite rock without the unfortunate side effects of sickness and death. Clark finds a Kryptonian, Dax-Ur, who has been living in secret on Earth with a family for years. He uses a blue kryptonite bracelet to suppress his powers so he can have a normal life. This is an important plot point as Supergirl has a crystal which, when brought to the fortress, generated a clone of Supergirl’s evil father Zor-El and Clark’s mother Lara-El. Lara has a “family ring” which contains a piece of blue Kryptonite which Clark couldn’t remove. Since the blue rock was in the irremovable ring, Clark was effectively powerless while Zor-El decided to take over the world. This, of course, begs the question of why Clark wouldn’t just cut his ring finger off to save the world from Zor-El. First, the cost of a finger is not too much for Superman to save the world and second, wouldn’t Superman’s regenerative abilities just restore the missing finger once he was away from the kryptonite? This also opens up a whole additional pile of questions as Dax-Ur, with his suppressed abilities, fathered a child with a human woman. His son, Max, is never on screen but I would imagine that the blue kryptonite bracelet does not turn his, um, genetic material human. Which means Kryptonian DNA is compatible with humans. Unless Max is adopted, Clark might want to, I don’t know, keep an eye out for the Superhero little kid since he’s directly responsible for his father’s death?

6) One of the crazier plot points this season, Julian Luthor isn’t dead. Lex and his mother faked Julian’s death so Lionel Luthor wouldn’t be able to ruin him, too. Or not… as we later found out, Lex was able to clone him in a lab and, surprise, Julian wants a relationship with his father. Julian turns on Lex to try and build a relationship with Lionel and Lex’s first overtly evil act on the show is to arrange Julian’s murder. A good chunk of this season is Lex’s final (and great) transition to the dark side. The first warning shot being last season’s arrangement of Lana’s fake pregnancy, the war starting with Julian’s death, continuing with arranging the murder of Dr. Virgil Swann’s daughter, and the final being throwing his father from the top of Luthorcorp, completing the circle of patricide. In case the viewer didn’t fully get the point, Lex has a vision of throwing Alexander (the little, red-haired child who’s appeared a few times as what remains of Lex’s goodness) in to the Luthor Mansion fireplace and lighting him on fire. The Lex/Clark friendship gasps its last breath as the two of them exchange a cold look over Lionel Luthor’s grave.

7) It also appears that Smallville isn’t quite done with Spike. James Marsters returns again as Brainiac, continuing to get more evil and hatching a plot that won’t fully come to fruition until next season. This was probably the best season for villains. Bizarro, fully evil Lex, and Brainiac all appear as super bad guys for some amount of time. Dean Cain’s appearance as Knox was pretty good and that’s before we even consider Lionel’s final plotting. Great stuff.

8) I had two huge issues with this season, plot-wise. The first one is the complete and total retconning of parts of three seasons by introducing the Veritas project. The Veritas group was a collection of the Luthors, the Swanns (played by Christopher Reeve), the Teagues (played by Jensen Ackles and Jane Seymour in season 4), and the Queens (Green Arrow’s parents) who were preparing the Earth for the arrival of a Traveler from space. That’s why Lionel Luthor was in Smallville on the day of the meteor shower. Dr. Swann figured out all this was coming and received an orb from Jor-El (I think) to “control” the Traveler. The nature of this “control” is unclear, but it seems that if Dr. Swann knew of this artifact that could control a superpowered being and render him dangerous to the world, he might have, I dunno, told Clark about it before he died. Especially since it might fall in to the wrong hands? Swann has been cast as a pretty bright guy who wanted to help Clark and, before now, it seems like he’s smart enough that he wouldn’t be OK with Lionel Luthor getting his hands on something that would weaponize Clark.

9) The second huge problem that I had with the season was there was an AWFUL lot of government intrigue going on around Luthorcorp and Clark. Like, the murder of a US Senator, research in to an alien craft by Luthorcorp, the study of the Brainiac project within the federal government. Project Scion at Luthorcorp. All of this goes on while MARTHA CLARK IS A US SENATOR!! I understand they needed a way to write her off the show, but they might have restrained themselves from putting her in to one of the 100 most powerful seats in the country and then have federal government intrigue going on all over Kansas. Like, Martha is really going to be clueless to all of the Luthorcorp shenanigans going on in her state’s biggest city? Really? She is, apparently, either the worst senator ever or extremely crooked.

10) I also was somewhat confused with Clark’s traveling back in time to save Kara from Brainiac on Krypton. Then, somehow, Brainiac ends up in Kara’s body with Kara seemingly dead? It seemed impossible all that could happen in the three seconds Clark’s back was turned while under a red sun. But the season finally ended with Lex finding the Kryptonian artifact that could control Clark and using it to bring the Fortress down around the both of them, ending the season with both of them presumed dead. Again, it’s really unclear what the orb is supposed to do. Jor-El sent it to Dr. Swann, who hid it with a long list of clues, even though two people had keys to a safe-deposit box where it was hidden. It all seemed somewhat, I don’t know, contrived.

Final Thought: Save for a bunch of weird plot holes and things that were just abjectly dropped, this season was 100x better then last year. By Writer’s Strike Year standards, this was as award-winning season of scripted television. It seemed like there were a bunch of plot-holes and retcons introduced, though. I guess I still have to see how they eventually work out.

If you follow the Twitter feed, you may have seen that I’m currently 200 miles from my laptop and that it’s slowly killing me.

The more I thought this game during the week, the more I tried to make a case for the Saints. The problem is that if you have to try this hard to make a case then there’s no way you can really make the pick. Everything about this season has broke the Colts’ way. As much as my picking compatriots have goofed on it, should the Colts win, we’ll be talking for years about how they should be undefeated. How they laid down for the Jets “to prevent injury” before playing their starters in a snowy disaster in Buffalo. And somehow the Patriots have remained the heel team.

Anyway, the Colts have had a blessed season. Manning has just been too good and I simply don’t see how he doesn’t sweep the MVPs this season. Colts cover. Sorry Matt.

Samuel Adams Coastal Wheat

Brewed By: Samuel Adams
Brewed In: Boston, MA/Cincinnati, OH
ABV: Not specified, I’m going to guess low
Type: Wheat Ale

What they say: Hazy and Golden in color, this brew is a fresh twist on the popular Hefeweizen style. Eureka and Lisbon lemons, from three growing regions in California, balance out the wheat malt character, resulting in a crisp and refreshing wheat ale with subtle lemon flavor. Cheers

Website: Complaints about the website aside, I couldn’t find this beer on it. It’s a new beer in Winter Classics 2009 and information for it is pretty scattered around the web.

Why I picked it: The second of six beers in the Sam Adams Winter Classics 2009 sampler pack. It’s also the only new beer included in the pack.

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Presentation (5): Nothing Earth-shattering here. It’s the generic Samuel Adams labeling for spring/summer offerings. This one is blue in the center and ringed with yellow. The coloring and style is nearly identical to the Summer Ale labeling. It’s the mirror image with the same basic color palette. 2

Originality (5): It’s not exactly a hefeweizen and not exactly a wheat. It’s something in between. If I had to guess, they took their Hefeweizen recipe, increased the lemons, and actually filtered it. I can appreciate mixing up the recipe a bit to see what happens. 4

Body (10): “Twist on a Hefeweizen” appears to mean “Hefeweizen flavor without chunks of floating stuff.” The cloudy, golden color to the body is similar to the hefeweizen but I, for one, am a fan of the lack of yeasty chunks. Blending the Hefeweizen with the generally more masses-friendly Wheat Ale gives the beer a nice, crisp finish and and strong carbonation that, when combined with the lightness with the body, makes for a really drinkable beer. By blending out some of the more severe notes of the hefeweizen, the texture here is much more appetizing. 6

Taste (10): Very distinct lemon flavor that doesn’t quite go over in to “tastes and smells like Lemon Pledge” territory. It shares the crisp, refreshing flavor of most lemony wheat beers without falling prey to the syrupy oversweetness trap that some beers of this type fall in to. This beer simply lets the lemon be the star and balances out the citrus-crispness with the wheat malt. It works better than I expected. 9

Efficiency (10): Tough to rate here without knowing the ABV. Both their Hefeweizen and Cherry Wheat offerings are 5.4% so I’m going to assume this is right around there. For the moment, this beer is only available in the Winter Classics sampler but it smells like a preview for a new permanent offering. If it truly is 5.4%, and I’m going to work under the assumption that it is, then it’s an extremely easy beer to drink combined with (probably) a reasonable Samuel Adams price and an OK ABV. We like those three factors when they fall in that configuration. 7

Versatility (10): This is a great summer offering. It’s light, refreshing, and delicious. It’s a much more group-friendly flavor than Hefeweizen and something that the Coors Light crowd could even grow to love. 8

The Snob Sez: Odd choice to include in a winter offering sampler. Everything about this beer, from the colors on the packaging, to the name “coastal”, to the flavor screams “Summer Beer.” I would think, if Sam wanted to preview this, they would have included it in this year’s Summer Styles or Brewmaster Collection samplers. Out of place in a winter offering, but I look forward to seeing it placed in future Brewmasters’ Collection six-packs.

Final Score: 34 (of 50) – Good beer

Host: Sigourney Weaver (2): This is Sigourney Weaver’s first hosting gig since 1986, making it the longest gap between hosting gigs in the show’s history. Fun fact, she previously hosted the Season 12 premiere, which was the beginning of the Phil Hartman/Dana Carvey/Dennis Miller/Kevin Nealon cast many of us in our 30s remember fondly. Season 11 of SNL was so bad (featuring the frequently forgotten cast of Robert Downey Jr, Joan Cusack, and Anthony Michael Hall) that the show was nearly canceled. The entire cast, save for Miller, Nora Dunn, and Jon Lovitz was fired and Madonna read a “press release” in the Season 12 opening borrowing a plot point from Dallas and stating the entire previous season was just a bad, bad dream. I digress. Weaver’s monologue was a bit odd, though she did do a bit about her dad (Pat Weaver, former president of NBC) inventing The Tonight Show.

Musical Guest: The Ting Tings (1). I hated this. I don’t follow indie music. I don’t like it and I don’t think crazy, experimental stuff and bad singing over a drummer with a synth machine is good. What I do know is that there’s no such thing as not liking indie music… there is just not getting it. So I’ll defer to Radio Exile.

Best Skit: ESPN Classics: Ladies’ Darts sponsored by Summer’s Eve — Pete Twinkle and Greg Stink get their third appearance of the season. This event’s sponsor is Summer’s Eve………….. DOUCHE. Better then the last one, still not quite as good as the first one. But we do get to see Pete Stink try to describe how to use douche. Which is nice.

Honorable Mention: Internet Buzz — Sigourney and friends watch the Golden Globes, but Sigourney has a new laptop and just discovered Internet Message Boards. She takes them a little too seriously. It’s a funny concept that works because of Weaver’s age. That’s probably offensive to say. “There’s a video of me from the first Alien movie and someone named Cylon57 just wrote “Dat Ass”. That’s good right? He also wrote something racist about Barack Obama but he likes me, right?”

Line of the Week: Greg Twinkle: “When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth: Summer’s Eve……………………… DOUCHE.”

Character of the Week: Avatar — I’ll give character of the week to this whole sketch. I didn’t really get but I haven’t seen the movie. The, um, coarseness still made me laugh. Besides, “it’s like revenge sex with a puma” really crosses all cultures.

Worst Skit: Riley — A new character for Fred Armisen. I don’t really get it. I think he’s supposed to be a little kid that inappropriately curses who might be gay because he likes pink, sequined hat? I don’t know, just didn’t work for me.

Should Have Been Funnier: The cold open with Larry King (Armisen) interviewing Jay Leno (Hammond) and Conan O’Brien (Hader). Darrel Hammond finally returns for a Leno impersonation that was surprisingly lackluster though I’m happy to see these impressionists calling Leno out for his “have you heard about this? have you seen this” method of joke-telling. For 15 years I haven’t gotten the Leno thing. I still don’t. The best part of this sketch was the Sudekis’s impersonation of Letterman because he did nothing but giggle, adjust his glasses, and throw pencils at the camera. Spot on.

Digital Short: Laser Cats V — This time, James Cameron tries to sell Laser Cats to Lorne Michaels. There are certainly some more Avatar jokes in here that I’m not getting.

Weekend Update

• The first “guest segment” was Seth doing a long analogy on the Leno/Conan debacle comparing it to a guy who told his current wife that he’s totally going to divorce her and marry someone else in five years. I liked the bit, I was really expecting/hoping there would be some kind of gimmick where Jimmy Fallon (good) or Chevy Chase (better) came to “take their job back” on the Weekend Update desk. He even made reference to it with the eventual punchline: “If Jay can take his job back from Conan, then Conan can take his job back from Jimmy, and then Jimmy can come and take his job back from me, and I can’t go back to being in a sketch once every six weeks.” It seemed like Fallon would be the obvious choice but, alas, nothing doing.
• Larry The Goose 1 year later: Andy Samberg revisits Larry the Goose, still mourning the loss of the geese slaughtered by Captain Sullenberger during the Miracle on the Hudson. “You call it the Miracle on the Hudson. We call it the day the crazy loud big thing came at us out of nowhere.” “That’s not very poetic.” “It sounds better in goose!” This is way funnier then it had any right to be and further proof that Samberg, somehow, has the ability to make everything he’s in 12% funnier.
• Abbey Elliot as Meryl Streep: Proving, if anything, that Abbey could look good in a burlap sack. The point is to make fun of Meryl Streep’s self-deprecation and overhumility. She can’t admit to being the best at everything but still won two Oscars while sitting at the desk for Best Hummus and Best Update.
• “Frigid temperatures in Florida are threatening the state’s citrus crops which make up 40% of the world’s Orange Juice supply, so I guess diners will start serving it in even tinier glasses.” Possibly only funny if you’re from the Northeast. So, option two: “A man in Canada who won the legal right to own a tiger was mauled by that tiger in the most clear cut case ever of you win some you lose some.”

Final Thought: There was more good then bad here, including a new Keenan sketch called Disco Booty Junction which was a somewhat funny mash-up of Deep House Dish and What Up Wit’ Dat. Above average episode which will probably end up pretty forgettable this season placed in the dead of January.