An Afternoon In Saratoga
I like to gamble. Unfortunately, New York State has decided (for my own good, of course) that gambling shouldn’t be legal in this state……… unless of course I gamble on horses and the New York Racing Association (NYRA) is the bookie. Remember kids: gambling is only bad if you do it with Italians.
The Saratoga Flat Track opened in 1863 and opened for its 140th meet this past Wednesday. I enjoy the day at the track. I don’t care much about the horses, really, but it’s a pretty cool day to go and hang out with friends and skip out of a work day. The grounds are huge, full of different types of food and picnic tables where groups can set up. It’s also one of the few places left in the state where you can bring your own food and alcohol.
Since I had plans to be upstate this weekend for a wedding so convincing myself to go up a couple days early for a track trip was easier than selling a trade to the Pirates. In fact, the hardest part was convincing myself to crawl out of bed at 7 am to catch the one daily train that goes from NYC to Saratoga.
The weather, unfortunately, didn’t co-operate and we ended up huddled under the grandstand for most of the day. The gambling did not go well. We had a semi-successful Show Pool. For the uninitiated, the show pool works as follows: at the beginning of the day, however many people throw in $2. That money goes on a horse to show. A show bet means if the horse comes in first, second, or third, you win. If you win that race, you let it ride on the next race and so on all day. If you win all ten races (or just can’t bear it anymore) you cash out. On Wednesday, we’d made it to the 8th race and put $660 on one horse to show. It didn’t come in… but at the end of the day you get a lot of excitement out of two dollars. I took my annual soaking but the track helps to keep my property taxes in Saratoga County nice and low so I feel it’s only fair that I lose some money every summer.
When I go to the Spa, I try to handicap horses… I look at training times, jockeys, and previous finishes. I use that to create a group who I think has a shot and bet like that. I take my soaking. Occasionally, I discover how stupid that is.
Example, after taking my Wednesday medicine, I checked Friday’s program. In the fourth race there was a horse named Beer Pong. There was no way I wasn’t betting on this horse. Since I was working in Albany, I went over to the Albany OTB. OTB, if you’ve never been there, is an interesting place — it’s a wretched hive of scum and villainy — and there’s one in every town!! On the program, I saw a horse named Midtown Bullet. I hate Midtown Manhattan and it makes me want to shoot myself. It worked so I bet $5 to win (comes in 1st), place (comes in 1st or 2nd), and show on Beer Pong, and put an $2 exacta (pick the horses that will come in first and second) on Midtown Bullet and Beer Pong. Naturally, after getting killed trying to handicap on Wednesday, I hit a $110 exacta and a $30 WPS bet picking two horses by name.
The lesson, of course, was learned when a local radio station used to have a newspaper handicapper pick horses against a monkey. Betting on horses is stupid.