TDL’s Sports, Wrestling, & Otherwise

My love of Netflix has been well-documented on this site. You can imagine my surprise and joy when I discovered that Netflix also had wrestling DVDs. The first one to find it’s way to the top of the queue (probably added about six months ago…. I have a long queue) was The Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior. We’ve reviewed the bejesus out of these DVDs on on The Wrestling Site so I’m not posting it there, though I’ll probably put it up on The Wrestling Blog… where you should absolutely go read and comment if you watch wrestling.

I was a huge fan of The Ultimate Warrior when I was a little kid. He was always number 2 to Hulk Hogan, but he was a close number 2. I’m not sure, exactly, when the WWF really started marketing to little kids but The Warrior must have been one of the early successes. The music, the facepaint logo, the bright colors, the cartoony demeanor; everything about the Ultimate Warrior screamed marketing. It worked. Unfortunately, it turned out the guy was batshit crazy.

I’m trying out this review format… no idea if I’ll stick to it or not.

—–

- The earliest point made on this DVD is how crazy the Warrior’s interviews were. Back when I was a little kid, I didn’t really notice. Here, he rambles on about nothing and says random things about the heavens and Gods and Warriors. While I’m sure they cherry-picked some of his more insane moments, I can’t tell you one coherent promo he ever did. I mean, my memory from back then is spotty and all but I can’t remember one single big warrior moment that didn’t involve a two-minute squash. The best line they managed to find: “I found myself on a spaceship in th heavens fueled by the souls of the Warriors.”

- The sad part of this whole thing: I can even understand the character he was going for. He made insane references to a long line of Warriors and he could draw power from the gods and the spirits of Warriors past. He fancied himself the latest in a long line of spiritual Warriors. He was the Slayer.

- Sweet Jesus, I forgot the pop he got when he beat the Honky Tonk Man. Because of all the craziness that eventually destroyed his career, I forgot just how huge his random “come out and squash people” gimmick made him. Considering this was exactly the push that WCW gave to Goldberg, you’d think I’d remember.

- They touch upon the Rick Rude feud and pointed out that the only two good feuds the Ultimate Warrior ever had were with two guys (Rude and Randy Savage) who could bump their tails off and meticulously plan matches out ahead of time. Considering these are the ONLY two Warrior feuds I remember, I’ll have to figure they’re right.

- Heenan tells a story about the series of house show matches Warrior had with Andre The Giant. Apparently Warrior came hard with clotheslines on Andre on consecutive nights (which they show). On the third night, Andre put his fist out and knocked the Warrior senseless. Sadly, they don’t Andre’s stiff shot, but only show the Warrior looking dazed after it. Pretty crappy moment in the normally stellar WWE production here as they don’t show the one part of the story that everyone would actually want to see.

- I remember that the Warrior had some crazy hair, but sweet Lord did he tease his hair up to White Trash Church levels for Wrestlemania VI.

- BTW: For all old WWE videos I play a game called Crazy Or Dead. On the Warrior DVD crazy is dominating dead.

- Heenan makes the point that the Warrior sometimes seemed to think the WWE didn’t give him enough. Meanwhile, they handed him the IC title within two years after his debut in a squash match, then put him over Hogan. What else could they have possibly done to make happy?

- This is the first time I’d ever heard the story that Warrior held Vince hostage for more money before the Match Made In Hell… which explains a whole lot. How Hogan and Slaughter didn’t murder him in the ring is even more amazing. Vince’s story of just desperately waiting for the match to be over so he could savor firing Warrior is funny… because you can just picture it. Vince seething backstage, kicking puppies, just waiting to throw the guy out on his ass. This might actually be where Vince finally coined the term “YOU’RE FAAAHHHHRED”. As a note, there are two guys we know of that have done this to Vince. Warrior and Jarrett. How’s that workin out.

- The singlet with the muscles painted on it era… I’d forgotten about that!!!!

- Holy crap did I forget how much I was freaked out when Ultimate Warrior’s head just randomly started bleeding during an interview.

- I’m glad they addressed the horror that was the Warrior’s WCW run. In other news, I can’t believe it was only two years between the time he left the WWF and came back to WCW. It felt like 10.

- Hogan apparently had a huge problem when Warrior saying that Warrior had beaten him in the past. I don’t know why this was a problem… pretty much anyone watching knew that. Much more awful was the 10 minutes of rambling nothingness that followed it.

The Matches

Terry Gibbs vs. The Ultimate Warrior (Green Bay, WI: 10/24/87): This is Warrior’s debut on Wrestling Challenge. I also didn’t know that the WWE now bleeped the “F” out when guys say “WWF” in old match interviews. The rules to this lawsuit are so odd. The Attitude logo has to be blurred, they bleep guys from saying “WWF”, but the old WWF block style logo is still OK? This is a typical 80s style squash match that you’d expect on Wrestling Challenge. F-

The Ultimate Warrior vs. The Honky Tonk Man(c): Intercontinental Championship Match from SummerSlam (New York, NY: 8/29/88): They also blur WWF out of “WWF Intercontinental Champion” in Honky Tonk Man’s on screen intro. I would understand all this more if they blurred out the block logo on the turnbuckles, too. But they don’t. I’m dwelling. I actually remember watching this match… how I got my mom and dad to drop money on SummerSlam, I don’t know. The crowd in this match is amazingly hot because of how much people HATED the Honky Tonk Man’s title reign at this point. A year long title reign comes to a crashing end in 30 seconds. A+ for the booking, the surprise, and giving fans what they wanted. F- for the match.

The Ultimate Warrior(IC) vs. Hulk Hogan(WWF): Title vs. Title from Wrestlemania VI (Toronto Skydome: 4/1/90): I think it was Scott Keith that said this match was meticulously scripted before the actual event which is why two guys who are notorious for delivering awful matches were able to put together such a good match. I think I convinced my parents to get me this PPV, too. If I remember correctly, I even wrote a 12-year-old’s review of it in a spiral notebook that I forced my mom and dad to read. The Warrior’s hair is just unruly feathered and teased for this match and he is still breathing heavy even after Hogan’s 3-minutes of entrances and posing. Shoving and lockups to start with each guy getting some posing time. Test of strength follows for Warrior to finally regain his breath. Solid cardio there, steroid boy. Hogan gets to play come back first but with no clear-cut heel, no one gets to do the kick to the gut break, so Hogan ends the test of strength with a wrestling take down for a pin. Nice. Exchange of criss-crosses and scoop slams. Hogan goes out of the ring and “blows out his knee”. I remember Jesse making the comment here that the knee must have “popped back in to place” or something as Hogan completely no-sells the injury a few seconds later. Hogan control wearing down the Warrior with some headlocks and suplexes. Warrior eventually fights his way out with your standard elbows to the gut and go to a double clothesline. Both guys come up but Warrior is feeling it, shaking the ropes. Warrior takes control with clotheslines. Warrior Irish whips Hogan into the corner and follows with chops(?!). More whips into the corner and a vertical suplex gets 2. Bearhug follows as Warrior proceeds to kill the crowd’s energy with another rest hold. Hogan, surprisingly, is not knocked out by the bearhug and fights out. Warrior shoulderblock takes out the referee and Hogan gets a pin… then Warrior gets an uncounted pin. WTF is the point of a ref bump if both guys get an uncounted pin? Ref comes back to get a 2-count for the Warrior. Hogan follows with a roll-up that gets 2. THEY TAKE IT OUTSIDE… for not much action. Back into the ring, the Warrior looks like he was about done 10 minutes ago. Warrior goes for the gorilla press and his arms are shaking to the point I’m surprised he didn’t kill Hogan. Press and splash only gets two and it’s HULK UP TIME! Big boot but Warrior avoids the leg drop and gets the the splash for 3. Hogan kicks out at 3.2. No one is going to confuse with with Steamboat/Savage, but it was good considering the parties involved. How Warrior threw all this away so quickly after the WWF gave him this tremendous stamp of approval is unbelievable. Extra points for the appearance of the Skydome’s mini-ring styled ring-carts. B-

This match comes off very oddly and it took me a good three or four minutes to realize that Jesse Ventura’s commentary had been completely edited out of this match. Once you notice it, it’s impossible to ignore it. Gorilla’s commentary comes off weirdly because he’s interacting with someone who isn’t there. I remember reading about some sort of rights issue with Ventura but didn’t realize they’d taken this step. It hurts the match. Are newly produced Wrestlemania VI DVDs just Gorilla? What do they do if Jesse is on-screen?

Ravishing Rick Rude vs. The Ultimate Warrior(c): WWF Championship Steel Cage Match at Summerslam (Philadelphia, PA: 8/17/90): Surprisingly, the first appearance of “dead” on the Dead or Crazy. The rules are pinfall or submission. Commentary here is done by Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper. My favorite part of Rick Rude’s pre-match speech is that the WWF camera guys would invariably find the sketchiest, most inbred looking guy in the crowd and show him while Rude was delivering his speech… then they’d desperately pan the audience for any remotely cute women. Wrestling hot is much the same as army hot… all women get a base +4. Rude starts the match by bumping his ass off. Piper: “What’s it mean when he starts pumping his arms in the air and prancing like a pony” — Warrior misses a flying forearm and hits the cage — Piper: “It means he’s gonna miss. I see.” Bwahaha. Rude takes advantage by trying to climb the cage, but Warrior grabs an ankle. Rude’s bladed already 2 minutes in. I forgot that the old WWF-style cages were the original place to perfect the “agonizingly slow ladder climb.” Rude is in control now shoving the Warrior’s face into the cage. Rude hits the Rude Awakening and instead of pinning or escaping the cage he decides to climb to the top of the cage for a flying fist… which he hits. Heenan is screaming for Rude to get out of the ring. Rude to the top of the cage again but he went to the well once too often. Warrior turns the tide and goes for the door but Heenan slams the door on his head. Rude goes for the pin and we get our first patented Vince McMahon “1-2-3no!!!” of the evening. As bad as Vince was, he’s still not as bad as Michael Cole. Rude goes for the door and it turns into a Rude tug-of-war between Heenan and Warrior. Warrior pulls Rude’s tights off exposing that delicious rump. Heenan gets pulled in and Warrior abuses him. Warrior thrown him out. He does his little press-slam dance again. Piper: “I still don’t know what that means.” Vince: “He’s pulling his power from the heavens and all the Warriors in the arena” — Warrior gets knocked down — Piper: “Well where’s it going, then?” Warrior hulks up and gets the three clothesline and press slam and escapes the cage. Surprisingly awesome match which was entirely on Rick Rude being able to control the pace and Heenan and Rude bumping their asses off for the Warrior. B+

The Ultimate Warrior vs. The Macho Man King Randy Savage: Retirement Match from Wrestlemania VII (Los Angeles, CA: 3/24/91): Dead comes surging back to tie with crazy as both Sensational Sherri and The Lovely Miss Elizabeth are involved in this match. Did the Ultimate Warrior start the airbrushed clothing fad amongst white trash or did he just take advantage? Staredown to start. Savage bumps a few times for the Warrior before taking quick control with some forearms. Warrior shoulder blocks Savage and he rolls out of the ring. Sherri distracts the Warrior giving Savage a chance to come back with a double-axe handle. Warrior shrugs it off and takes control. This match is NOT no-DQ so Heenan rightly points out that Sherri has to watch herself such that she doesn’t get Savage disqualified and costing him his career. Savage takes control back with a clothesline and goes to the top. He dives off for a high cross-body and gets caught by the Warrior. Warrior puts him down and paintbrushes him. Insulting. Savage gets a chair and tosses it into the ring. Warrior punches Savage down and has control until Savage ducks away from a corner splash which sends the Warrior out of the ring. Sherri gets some cheap shots while the ref reprimands Savage. Then savage comes out of the ring and does some semi-illegal stuff, which draws more reprimands, which gives Sherri more time to get in cheap shots. Good stuff. Something lost in modern wrestling: no one is willing to admit that the other guy is stronger than him in a fake match with a pre-determined outcome, so no guy is willing to do what Savage is doing here… which is essentially saying: “I know you’re stronger than me but I’m going to stay away from you as much as possible and confuse you and hit you from ten different directions and have my manager take cheap shots.” Savage grabs a headlock. Warrior fights out for double clothesline. Sherri distracts the ref while the Warrior grabs a small package for about a 10 count. Ref bump and it’s time for chaos to ensue. Sherri goes to the top rope but Warrior ducks and she hits Savage! Warrior chases her outside the ring and back in time for Savage to grab a roll-up as the ref comes back. 2 count. Savage finally takes some semblance of control and hands out two top rope clothesline. Scoop slam gets two. To the top rope. Five Savage Elbows to the throat get two (god bless retirement matches). Savage looks horrified. Warrior hulks up. Clotheslinegorillasplash gets two. Warrior pleads with his Gods and yells at his hands. Warrior continues talking to hands and decides that the Gods have told him to retire. Instead of letting him get counted out, Savage attacks. He drapes Warrior over the rail and comes off with an elbow, but Warrior recovers. Warrior sends him back into the ring. Warrior shoulderblocks Savage out of the ring twice and gets the one foot pin. Again, God bless retirement matches. Sadly, they cut out the end of the match where Savage turns on Sherri and re-unites with Elizabeth, closing his WWE career with a face turn and a happy ending… but I guess that wouldn’t really be appropriate on an Ultimate Warrior DVD. Once again… Warrior puts on a great match with a guy who could control the pacing, plan the match, and bump his ass off. A

——–

Obviously solid DVD from the WWE.