TDL’s Sports, Wrestling, & Otherwise

While I usually consider destination weddings to be a bit of a pain the balls, when Ms. L got the invitation for this one, a perfect storm of events had occurred:

1) We haven’t really been on a vacation since before we moved to New York two (!) years ago.
2) It’s the beginning of the “f*ck, it’s cold” season in the Northeast.
3) Her busy season is going to be starting again in five weeks and I’d like to spend a little time with her before my only girlfriend becomes Netflix for four months.
4) It preceded Thanksgiving week, so we were going to be doing some traveling anyway.

I had actually planned to sleep before the trip this time… I started this habit on my Spring Break trips. I figured that if I’m going to be getting up at 4 am anyway, what’s the point of actually going to sleep? This time, I thought I’d sleep but Ms. L blew that up with “I think I’m going to pack late and just take a nap.” Well, me too, I guess.

Friday, 11/16/2007

2 am: I almost make it, but I’m wiped. Ms. L’s packing in the bedroom so I put my feet up and sleep in the chair. I set the Blackberry for 3:45 am. I figure if I sleep in the chair it will be more a nap than anything else.

4:15 am: Jesus. Fortunately, I’m too tired to be tired and I sleep like no one’s business on a plane. I just need to be awake enough to carry Ms. L’s 9,000 lbs of luggage.

5:00 am: For the first time, I’m trying to hail a cab going AWAY from home at 5 am. It’s a whole different world. I’m as amazed this time around as I was the last time I caught a cab to a New York airport at an ungodly hour that there is already a healthy amount of traffic coming into the city.

5:45 am: Yes, it can take you 45 minutes to go 20 miles of expressway at 5 in the morning. Who loves New York?

6:00 am: I love JFK. There’s about 12 miles of rat maze to get up to the check-in counter (no online check-in on international flights, much to my dismay) and there are five people at the front of the rat maze.

6:15 am: Once again, I find it necessary to give New York airports credit. The passengers don’t have to be told what to do. Everyone has hats, jackets, and shoes off and in a bucket when going through security. Laptops are separated without prompting. All in all, it remains the easiest check-in process in the world. Of course, you might not be leaving until 3 hours after you’re supposed to, but getting in the door: like a well-oiled machine.

6:30 am: I find the Dunkin Donuts kiosk. I debate for a moment whether or not I want coffee because I’m relatively certain I don’t want anything to interfere with my blessed altitude-induced coma. I decide that I still have two friggin hours and if I’m going to stand in line for a sandwich, I’m sure as hell going to get a coffee, too.

6:31 am: For the first time, I notice that I have yet to see a Starbucks in an airport. I then realize my airport collection is not that extensive.

6:40 am: We find the collection of accountants huddled around the JetBlue wireless location. I should have realized. Surprisingly, only 2 laptops… one will come in handy later.

7:00 am: The group (now grown to 9, Me, Ms. L, 5 NYC co-workers including one who went to college with Ms. L, 1 Long Island co-worker, and 2 husbands) goes off to find some breakfast.

7:30 am: Boarding.

8:15 am: Bless my soul, we’re only getting off the ground 15 minutes late.

8:20 am: I know JetBlue’s had some hardcore PR issues in the last year, but I still can’t hate on any company that gives me TV, XM Radio, all I can drink coffee, and all I can eat cookies.

8:30 am: All of which doesn’t matter because I’m out already.

9:45 am: I come to enough to ask for a coffee and am out again before it comes.

10:15 am: Ms. L pokes me and asks me if her co-worker can have my coffee if I’m not going to drink it. I grunt, which she takes as yes, and yoinks my coffee.

10:45 am: I come to again and notice my coffee is gone. I gamely try to read a bit of my book (currently: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) before going out again.

10:45 am (Central Time): I wake up in time for final approach and discover that the flight is landing a half-hour early. First time ever.

11:00 am: Last time I landed in Cancun it was a Saturday afternoon and customs was packed. Today I land and our flight is the only one coming in. This has been the smoothest travel day in the history of travel days (dun dun dunnnnn).

11:05 am: I get flagged for a search. Fortunately, the closest thing I have to contraband is a book meant for 12-year-olds.

11:25 am: We finally get outside the airport. The second we step outside they have a “welcome bar” in the spot where you wait for a cab. We immediately buy two six packs of Corona. Fun side note: last time I went to Mexico in 2003 I stayed at your standard all-inclusive resort. The all-inclusive beer of choice was Corona. I drank so much Corona that week that I have not actually drank a Corona in four years. This is the first Corona I’ve had since last time I was in Mexico. I determined that I now only drink domestic Corona.

11:36 am: Corona: no sir, not over it yet.

11:37 am: Being as my Mexican geography isn’t really up to snuff, I really didn’t know what we were going to be doing to get between Cozumel and Cancun. I just knew that my job was to get 2 plane tickets on certain days. The rest of the arrangements were being handled via other people in our group. This travel agent was supposed to book us a cab from Cancun airport to Playa Del Carmen ($25 per person… for a total of $225 for the cab), where we would catch a ferry from Playa Del Carmen to Cozumel ($10 pp). I ask Ms. L why we did this instead of flying directly into Cozumel. I’m told this is far cheaper.

11:45 am: The cab company asks the girl who made all the arrangements for her travel voucher. She does not have her travel voucher because her travel agent insisted she didn’t need one. The cab company insists she does. Fortunately, she was one of the two people to bring her laptop and she brings up the information from the cab company that says she does not, in fact, need a voucher. I’ve already housed my Corona to get rid of it as quickly as possible.

12:05 pm: We’re on the road… the car is somewhat rowdy.

12:35 pm: Still on the road. The Corona buzz has worn off and people are realizing they’ve been up since 4:30 am. We try to get the cabbie to stop off at a random Bodega on the side of the Mexican highway to get a 12-pack to keep up the buzz. He won’t let us. I hate him.

12:40 pm: Traffic? In Mexico? They have traffic in Mexico?

12:42 pm: I discover my Blackberry works in Mexico. I am far too excited by this. I immediately start e-mailing co-workers to ask them how their days are going.

1:30 pm: We arrive in Playa Del Carmen. We don’t know where we’re going but we know we need to find the ferry pier. I spot an ATM but decide to wait till I get to the hotel. After all, a hotel will have an ATM right?

1:40 pm: We find the ferry, the next one leaves at 2. The girls discover restrooms. I discover a Senor Frog’s, which makes me smile. I went to the Cancun version of this place last time I was here.

2:00 pm: We start loading on to the ferry. Some people coming off the ferry do not look well. They look downright… ill. I’m not put off by this because I’ve never really had a problem with seasickness.

2:10 pm: The ferry ride is kind of rough. It’s also encased in plastic, not air-conditioned, and really not comfortable. Still thinking it will either get better or that it won’t bother me, I order a Sol. It’s not Corona, so it’s OK.

2:15 pm: I’ve taken one sip out of my beer. The ferry is lurching to each side, then violently jerking back the other way. As the first victim runs for the bathroom, the Mariachi band starts playing. Yes… really.

2:30 pm: Ms. L has stopped moving. Most people on board have started going for puke bags. I’m sitting as still as I possibly can, holding a bottle of Sol in a death grip focusing on my insides. If you’ve ever seen From Dusk Till Dawn, the phrase “Now let’s go kill that f*cking band” went through my mind roughly 11,000 times. I can’t really put in to words how awful I’m feeling at this point. I’ve broken into a cold sweat, I’m squeezing a bottle so hard I feel like it might pop in my hands, two of the people in our group are joking and telling stories about awful boat rides in their past, people are getting sick all around me, I’m getting splashed occasionally with cold water as gigantic waves crash against the hull, and there’s cheerful f*cking Mariachi music playing next to my head with guys who couldn’t be happier to be there. I’m really hoping my bottle shatters so I can cut someone’s throat.

2:35 pm: Ms. L has given up and gone inside the cabin where it’s apparently air conditioned. I’m terrified to to move. People are literally being thrown from one side of the ferry to the other. The workers are attempting to get people into the bathroom, but they’re being tossed back and forth as well.

2:40 pm: Sweet jesus, I see land.

2:45 pm: The band is walking around looking for tips. It takes everything I have to not throw my still-full beer bottle at him.

2:50 pm: Land… sweet god, I’ve never been happier to get off a boat. I love land. I’m on an island and have no desire to leave.

2:55 pm: One person in our party has to be a buzzkill and remind us that we have to do that again in a couple days. I file him with the person who always makes the “nyuk nyuk, guess this is local” if the elevator stops at too many floors.

3:15 pm: We catch yet another cab from the ferry pier to the Playa Azul Golf and Beach Resort. It’s a very small, 50 room resort on Cozumel… 32 rooms taken for the wedding.

3:30 pm: Arrive hotel. For those keeping track at home, the reason we didn’t take the flight from LaGuardia to Cozumel was 1) it was more expensive and 2) it took longer. By my tally: $398 in flights + $50 in cab + $20 for the ferry ride from ninth circle of hell + $20 for a cab ($488) and 7.5 hour travel time. Within an hour of me getting home tonight, I checked Travelocity to discover Delta Airlines LaGuardia to Cozumel: $437pp, 6 hours and 46 minutes with a change-over in Atlanta. In my world, we’re at the resort, not seasick, and not exhausted by 2:30 pm. The lesson, as always: don’t let accountants make travel plans.

4:00 pm: We get to our room. It’s a nice room with a balcony overlooking the pool and the ocean. I notice this all in passing as I go directly for a bed. The bride and groom have scheduled a welcome happy hour at the beach bar for 6:30 pm. My legs are still shaky from all the energy I spent at not vomiting. I lay down and sleep so hard that it feels I was only out for seconds.

6:15 pm: Quick shower and I’m ready to work. The bar is a square deal directly out on the beach. They have Sol, Bohemia, and Dos Equis. My favorite part of this resort thus far? No Corona.

8:15 pm: We move on to dinner at the hotel. Our entire party is drunk and exhausted so there is not much after-partying to be had. Which is good since the hotel bars close at 11 pm.

Coming up tomorrow: The Wedding.