TDL’s Sports, Wrestling, & Otherwise

W/W - Browns -3 at Rams: Browns cover. Seriously… if the Rams and the Dolphins both manage an 0-fer… can we get a playoff game for them? I need to start a website.

W/W - Lions +5.5 at Bears: Lions Cover. In case you haven’t heard, John Kitna’s on pace to hit his 10 win prediction. Don’t look now, but could the Lions actually make the playoffs?

W/W - Colts -7 at Panthers: Colts cover. In case you haven’t heard, they’re playing the Patriots next weekend in the Undefeated Bowl. FYI: When the Colts run the score up on teams, they do it with class.

W/W - Giants -9.5 “at” Dolphins (London): Dolphins +9.5. Ugly, ugly game but the score is no indication that the Giants took a step back. They played a football game on a soccer pitch in pouring rain. They were basically playing in a mud pit by the end of the game. The only thing missing was strippers and gamblers. Sloppy game… which was the main reason I took the points.

W/W - Raiders +7 at Titans: Raiders +7. Raiders: We can cover spreads like no one’s bidness.

L/L - Eagles -1 at Vikings: Vikings outright. I’d like to say “f*ck the Eagles for ruining my first ever perfect week against the spread. I though I hated you as much as humanly possible. It turns out I was wrong.”

W/W - Steelers -3.5 at Bengals: Steelers cover. That might have been the quickest turn around from “perennial dog” to “legitimate good team” and back ever recorded.

W/W - Bills +3 at Jets: Bills outright. As it turns out, last week WAS the beginning of the Kellen Clemens era… just not until the fourth quarter. Next week, Clemens gets his first start. On the other hand, the Bills get to test out this winning streak against the Bengals.

W/W - Texans +8.5 at Chargers: Chargers cover. The Chargers scored 35 points in the first half. Had it been the Patriots, people would have been asking why they weren’t taking knees with 11 minutes left in the first half.

L/W - Jaguars -2.5 at Bucs: Bucs outright. I won this in the pool where they were getting points (they lost by 1). Lost it where they were giving points.

W/W - Saints -3 at Niners: Saints cover. If the Saints beat the Jags next week, they official reach “back in this thing” status. Has the demise of America’s Team has been greatly exaggerated?

W/W - Redskins +16.5 at Patriots: Patriots cover. Just to get this down: there’s no such thing as running up the score in a league where guys are paid to do their jobs. If you want to tell me that you shouldn’t run up the score in Little League or Pop Warner or even high school and college… I’m with you. If you want to tell me that professionals are getting “shown up”… too bad. If a professional defense is lazy enough and/or untalented and/or inept enough to give up that many points, while getting paid millions of dollars to do so, I have very little pity for them. Maybe it’s just me… the Patriots are playing the Giants the last week of the season. If the Patriots shut the Giants out 63-0, I’ll be much angrier at the Giants Defense for giving up 63 points than at the Patriots offense for scoring it. It’s not the Patriot offense’s job to be nice to the defense. It’s their job to score points. Period. If the defense doesn’t like what’s happening… stop it from happening.

W/W - Packers +3 at Broncos: Packers outright. 45 points. “Ya just can’t bet against Favre on a Monday night!!!”

Locks: Dolphis +9.5 over Giants (W)
Upsets: Bills over Jets (W)

This Week:
- Straight up: 11-2
- Against the spread: 12-1 (Filthy Friggin Eagles!!!!)

Overall:
- Straight up: 74-42
- Against the spread: 64-47-5

Locks of the Week: 11-3

Upsets of the Week: 3-3

So I handed in my keys to the old place today. I’m officially moved. I still haven’t started receiving mail at the new place yet. I filed my change of address last week and, surprise surprise, it still actually takes 2 weeks to get a forwarded mail request done… even if you’re moving within the same zip code. The conversation went something like this.

Me: “I need to file a change of address.”
Guy: “Fill this form out. When do you want it to go into effect?”
Me: “Tomorrow.”
Guy: “OK, it will take about two weeks to process.”
Me: “But I’m moving down the street. I’m still in the same zip code.”
Guy: “Doesn’t matter.”
Me: “Of course it doesn’t.”

The move mostly went off without a hitch. The movers were late (for the second time running) but, in a twist that I didn’t see coming, they pushed for their tip before they actually moved anything (as opposed to the leg-breaking Russians who negotiated for their tip before they brought the stuff up from the truck… this seemed much more effective). Y’see, we used a company called Flat Rate Movers, who are supposed to send someone to your apartment to “estimate” the flat rate. They do this by pieces of furniture and apparently by how much stuff can fit into their industrial sized boxes. Ms. L spoke with them and, since we have very little furniture following the incident, they gave her a quote. The quote assumed 1 box (and, when I say box, it’s huge… something like 10 by 15) of stuff. Of course, when the movers got there, they discovered that our stuff will need 3 boxes. So, after telling us they’d have to call the main office and figure out how much extra to charge and they weren’t sure if they could move everything and a lot of quick talking in Spanish which I didn’t understand (but assume it was some talk about baseball, stupid gringos, pretending to sound panicked, and discussing how much they could suck out of us) they came back with “we don’t have to call the company, we’ll take care if it if you want.” Which was code for: “how much extra will you float us to take everything now so you don’t have to go through the hassle?” Turns out $50/guy (3 guys) was enough… which was fine because we were planning on giving them $30/guy anyway… I love Mexicans.

New twist on the moving, each building wanted a $300 cash deposit from me, which meant I had to walk to the bank, withdraw $600, and walk home… on the streets of New York… with half a grand in my front pocket. I can think of roughly 150 things I would rather do than walk around with that much cash on me. Fortunately, I likely looked enough like a paranoid crack addict looking for a fix that I was certainly left alone lest I draw the attention of the NYPD.

After getting here, my goal on the first day (obviously) was to get the Internet and cable set up. Points for Manhattan… when you have actually 2 competing cable companies, none of this nonsense about waiting a week for a cable hookup to come. The cable guy was here when I got here. Wired up the cable and the Internet before the movers even showed up.

A day after we got here, Ms. L left for Orlando. She called it “Senior Staff training.” I called it “conveniently getting out of Dodge to skip out on all the unpacking.” I, of course, reminded her about the time she decided to start a fight with me just long enough to bail on helping me paint my townhouse. I asked her if it would be a running theme: having “work trips” whenever any sort of labor is required. She said no… I say when it comes time to paint this place that she’ll conveniently have that trip to India to meet her Team India Accountants.

However, it actually didn’t work out to be that bad. I basically got to spend a couple days setting up the apartment how I want it. I also discovered that I have significantly more floor space in this apartment than in the old one. Now, granted, I still don’t have a couch or anything, but I have gaping wall space where I can finally get some sort of DVD shelving.

So, Thursday night I got home from work and spent the night unpacking clothes. I can officially say this: gentlemen, you have not suffered until you’ve unpacked the girl’s clothes and tried to put them away. To set the stage: our old apartment had two small closets in the bedroom and a coffin sized closet near the front door. To this we added two four-drawer dressers and one two-drawer dresser. On top of that, we have four plastic bins.

Now, the new place has a walk in closet in the bedroom and a coat closet that’s about six feet wide. I take up, officially, one dresser and about 3 feet of the walk in closet. Stupidly, I assumed both dressers and the walk-in closet would be enough. After filling the dresser with just shirts… Just shirts!! I moved on to the closet. After filling the closet, both dressers, and all four bins, I then started on the laundry. As I was pulling clothes out of the dryer I had one thought:

Where the f*ck did these clothes fit in the old apartment? I was trying to figure out what dimensional portal I missed in the old apartment where these clothes were stored. After I finally finished the laundry I walked in to the living room and noticed four more black garbage bags, I could do nothing but stare. I think I looked like Brett Favre after a concussion. There couldn’t possibly be more clothes in them… yet somehow, there were. Is there a magic girl power that I don’t know about? Like… do Bags of Holding and Portable Holes actually exist and I missed a meeting? If so, I’d love to have one. I had the same moment yesterday with books. On our bookshelf in the old apartment, it was interspersed with books and random decorations. As I was putting the books up on the shelf this time I still have a good 50 books sitting on the floor and the shelf is completely full. Where did all this stuff fit?

It’s starting to wind down now… finally. Tomorrow I have to set the DVD player and video games up. Then, I get to finally get a couch and a bed and hopefully finally put the incident totally behind us. There is an hour long massage waiting for me somewhere when this air mattress finally dies a burning, horrible death.

Of course, I’m relatively certain I’ll have to move everything somewhere else when she gets home, but for now… Miller time.

Browns -3 at Rams: While the Rams are due to score a touchdown here sometime soon: I still feel like I can’t pick them again until they actually win a game… and even then maybe not. Browns cover.

Lions +5.5 at Bears: This is my official “don’t get this spread” of the week. I’ve discovered that I don’t pick these games well either. This is another game where I think the spread is going to own me. Lions Cover.

Colts -7 at Panthers: Nothing cute here. Colts cover.

Giants -9.5 “at” Dolphins (London): Anyone who would bet actual money on this game is insane. There should be some rule that it isn’t counted in pools. There are so many variables going into this game that I have no idea where to go. How will beer affect them there? Who will the crowd be behind? How will the players deal with British Hooligan fans who start singing chants in the crowd? Will there be references made to bangers and mash? Jet-lag? My first instinct here is to take the points. It feels safer. This is about the only lock I can come up with this week besides the Patriots covering. Dolphins +9.5.

Raiders +7 at Titans: The Raiders seem to have gotten good at covering spreads, so I’m riding that ship for a while. Raiders +7.

Eagles -1 at Vikings: Vikings… home… bad run defense. Adrian Peterson bandwagon. Vikings outright.

Steelers -3.5 at Bengals: The Bengals as a home underdog is tempting… they’re not nearly as good as people think they are… of course, neither were the Broncos last week. The Steelers should be back to form this week. Steelers cover.

Bills +3 at Jets: Can we consider the Bills a “hot lil team” yet? I think we have to. Add to that the probable beginning of the Kellen Clemens era and I’m calling this my upset of the week. Bills outright.

Texans +8.5 at Chargers: The Chargers are, unfortunately, back to where they should be. This will probably be a neutral site game, but this has the makings of one of those “the city needs us to be good” games… like the Piazza home run game and the Saints’ home opener last year. Chargers cover.

Jaguars -2.5 at Bucs: In one pool, the Bucs are the 2.5 underdog. In another they’re the 4.5 point favorite. I’m rattled. Bucs outright.

Saints -3 at Niners: There’s nothing I can say here other than the Saints should win this game. This of course means Niners by 25. Saints cover.

Redskins +16.5 at Patriots: Mike Francesca said it on Mike & The Mad Dog last week: “I’m taking them until they don’t cover a spread.” This is actually the first week I was considering NOT taking them… thinking the Redskins would likely be able to keep it within two scores… then I remembered the quarterback was Jason Campbell. I think he’ll be rattled and ineffective by 2 minutes into the second quarter. Patriots cover.

Packers +3 at Broncos: I’m not sure what this spread would be had the Broncos not beat the Steelers last week, but I’m pretty sure it was just a random upset… not a corner turn. I’m sure no one else has said this yet but “Ya just can’t bet against Favre on a Monday night!!!” Packers outright. 45 points.

W/W - Cardinals +6 at Redskins, Cardinals +6: Moments like this, I feel like I am the master of a point spread.

W/W - Falcons +7 at Saints, Saints +7: I thought the Saints would win by a few less, but it was still less than a touchdown.

L/L - Ravens -3 at Bills, Ravens cover: The Ravens have reached “I can’t f*cking pick this team” status.

W/L - Vikings +9.5 at Cowboys, Vikings +9.5: Fuggin half-points.

W/W - Patriots -15.5 at Dolphins, Patriots cover: I’m taking them against the spread, regardless of what it is, until they don’t cover one.

W/W - Niners +6 at Giants, Giants cover: I really have to remind myself that the Giants haven’t really beaten anyone good yet, but whatever.

L/L - Bucs +2 at Lions, Bucs outright: The answer is, as always, Jesus > Bandwagons. Something to note about the Lions: they’re winning games they should win and losing games they should lose. They’re not really rocking the boat at all. My new strategy with the Lions is to not overthink the game under any circumstances.

L/L - Titans at Texans, Texans: I hate both these teams.

W/W - Chiefs +3 at Raiders, Chiefs outright: OK, so it wasn’t exactly “exploitation” but it worked out. At some point, the Chiefs have to go back over to the “giving points” column don’t they?

L/L - Jets +6 at Bengals, Jets outright: This looked like a pretty good pick until the fourth quarter. So, here’s the question: who does Pennington start for next season? I have Minnesota or San Francisco.

L/W - Bears -5 at Eagles, Bears +5: I just want to point out that I’ve been calling the Eagles over-rated since before the season started.

W/W - Rams +10.5 at Seahawks, Seahawks cover: As it turns out, the half point is not going to bite me. In fact, it would have taken about 40 more half points to bite me.

L/L - Steelers -3.5 at Broncos, Steelers cover: So, a while back I asked if, eventually, the Steelers had to stop crushing people. I kinda meant for one game, not for the rest of the season.

W/W - Colts -3 at Jaguars, Colts Cover (48, 27-21): Hey guys, remember me? I”m Peyton Manning… I’m on every commercial ever? Remember… current season TD Pass leader. Hello? Actual Score (36) 29-7.

Locks: Steelers -3.5 over Broncos (L), Colts -3 over Jags (W), Giants -6 over Niners (W)

Upsets: Jets over Bengals (L)

This Week:
- Straight up: 8-6
- Against the spread: 8-6

Overall:
- Straight up: 63-40
- Against the spread: 52-46-5 (Note: fixed, I screwed up addition somewhere and had six less losses than I should have had. I thought I was doing too well).

Locks of the Week: 10-3

Upsets of the Week: 2-3

It’s not much of a secret that I love the city of Boston. In fact, if I could find one reasonable excuse, I’d dump as much stuff as I could fit into my car and move there tomorrow. There are a lot of reasons for this but the top 3 are:

1) The sports vibe. New York City is a fun sports town, but the it’s almost a detriment to have so many people and so many teams. We have to deal with 2 baseball teams, 2 football teams, 3 hockey teams, and 2 basketball teams. With so many people and so many choices, people aren’t as in to the teams here as they are in Boston. They also loathe the Yankees as much as I do.

2) It’s still considered a city, but it has just enough small-town backwardness to make a guy who grew up in the suburbs comfortable. New Englanders are like southerners: unless you go back 9 generations you just aren’t one of them.

3) The fact that the city pays like NYC, but you can get 2 bedroom apartments on a subway line for less than $2k, and a whole townhouse for $400k.

Back in April, I was out visiting The Big Show. Baseball season had just started and Sawks fever was in full force. At one point, we were watching television and a commercial came on for a local furniture store. The gimmick was thus: buy whatever you want… if the Red Sox win the World Series, it’s yours free.

The Big Show and I looked at each other and shared a “that is AWESOME!!!” moment.

Turns out, it wasn’t a joke and the guy is standing behind the promotion.

God, I love that town.

Ms. L was pinned by the late-filing deadline of October 15th… so the only way she could go to the wedding was to take the train to Boston on Saturday morning and take the train back to New York on Sunday morning. This meant I “volunteered” to go pick her up at the train station.

7:00 am: Good lord.

9:00 am: Ugh.

10:00 am: Food.

10:05 am: One awesome thing about New England, there’s always a Dunkin’ Donuts pretty close. I meander across the street to a random plaza that, of course, has one. Dunkin Donuts, by the by, is the fourth option on the Hangover Remedy Depth Chart… trailing Random NYC Breakfast Cart (bacon/egg/cheese on a grilled hard roll, coffee, OJ), McDonald’s AM (2 McGriddles, Large coffee, Large OJ), Burger King PM (2 Whoppers, Large Powerade). Dunkin Donuts sports the Supreme Omelette on a Croissant and a large coffee.

11:45 pm: On the road to South Station. I kind of remember how to do this. I remember that the exit to the Bus Terminal’s parking lot is right off the exit. I can’t possibly screw that up, right? *foreboding music*

12:10 pm: I see the exit, but there’s an HOV restriction on the exit. You need to have 2+ people to go into the parking lot? What? My brain freezes and I end up not getting off the exit but end up on Atlantic Avenue. The exit drops me off almost in front of the station.

I don’t know how many of you have driven in Boston, but it’s awful. People complain about driving in New York but really, that’s pretty easy. New York is an island with a highway down each side that meet at the bottom…. after that everything’s a grid. It’s easy. Boston, on the other hand, is ridiculously confusing with no parking. Frequently, directions off MapQuest have U-Turns written into the directions. I’m now trapped here.

12:20 pm: After driving around South Station (and taking 2 U-Turns) I finally just give up and pull into cab parking. I am not a cab and, therefore, am getting angry looks from cabbies. My plate is from New York, we can just do these things.

12:45 pm: I’ve now been in 10 minute parking for 25 minutes.

1:10 pm: Ms. L’s train gets in on-time. She walks outside looking as wiped out as someone who’s worked 14 consecutive 19 hours day can look. She’s also got her laptop with her.

1:30 pm: 2nd Dunkin Donuts trip of the day. The Starbucks is being flushed out of my system.

1:50 pm: The “guys ready room” is directly across the hall from me. I continue trying to fight through my hangover with a Sam Adams Boston Ale. It’s not helping.

2:00 pm: Back to my room with a shower. I like the wedding party but I don’t need to shower with them.

2:30 pm: Ms. L, the most dedicated employee in the history of the game, is on her laptop fixing a return. For those keeping score, I’ve now paid $20 for Internet access.

2:45 pm: Back across the hall to watch Boston College vs. Notre Dame. In other news: BC is good this season. Who knew so many people liked watching Triple-A football. There is a sandwich platter and chips. I pick up the the sandwich and a mustard packet. I actually hear the foreboding in my mind and set the mustard packet back down. Surprisingly, it doesn’t explode all over my suit while I’m setting it down.

3:15 pm: Back across the hall to my room to tell Ms. L I’ll be leaving soon. Her words: “Have fun… I’m about to dominate this bathroom.” She begins laying out make-up tools like a surgeon laying out scalpels.

3:30 pm: On the bus to the DeCordova Museum and Sculpture Park. Totally different than any other place I’ve attended a wedding. Really cool though.

4:00 pm: Pictures begin out in the sculpture garden. The photographer was a bit……… eccentric, but she seemed like she was supremely awesome at what she does. I can’t wait to see the pictures. Outdoor wedding pictures in a sculpture garden? Can’t beat it.

5:00 pm: Inside the museum for the last phase. The groom has asked for neither the pack of cigarettes nor the flask of bourbon I have stored in my suit. Good for him.

5:45 pm: People start showing up. As this is the least conventional wedding in the history of the game, I don’t have to seat anyone. I’m loving this. This is the easiest groomsman job ever.

6:00 pm: And we’re off.

6:20 pm: And we’re done. Goddam I love Justice of the Peace ceremonies.

6:30 pm: The reception is actually going to be in the same room as the ceremony. While they’re switching the room over, the collection of folks go out into the waiting room. Mr. and Mrs. Show, God bless them, have open beer and wine… however, beer snob that he is, it’s not a keg of Coors Light. He’s got bottles of Blue Point Toasted Lager, Allagash White, A stout I can’t recall, Lindemen’s Peche Lambic (also the substitute for those who didn’t want champagne), and one other beer that slips my mind now. Not to mention some random hors d’oeuvers… especially some little steak things and sushi things that I could have eaten for hours.

8:00 pm: Cocktail hour extends into an hour and a half.

I’m going to skip the rest of this because it was sort of a blur. Lots of good food and lots of good friends. I had a great time and I think I actually knew more people at that wedding than any other wedding I’ve been to. That made it fun. I even pried Ms. L away from her job for 12 hours so she could have a good time, too.

All in all, a big congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Show and I expect home-made ice cream out of your new ice-cream maker… mixed with Double Chocolate Stout.

Battery Park City’s demise has been greatly exaggerated. For a while it was touch ‘n go, but it fought it’s way back valiantly.

The apartment we found in Rector Place turned out to be the winner. Most of the other places we looked at were only $300ish/month less than this place, and this place is much more convenient to subways than Murray Hill or Yorkville. Unfortunately, it means my days on the 4/5 will be extended indefinitely. My ultimate desire was somewhere in the East 70s that would be close enough for me to walk to work but, alas, it is not to be. I get to pry myself into the 4 every morning.

So, we are officially making the shortest move in the history of moves.

$300 to the movers.

As it turns out: an owner of an apartment would rather deduct $200/month for 2 years instead of painting his apartment. I guess there’s something to be said for living in a city where people are certainly too rich.

Now, feel free to let me know why staying down here for another 2 years wasn’t a bad idea.

I usually start looking at these cards on Tuesday when The Machine e-mails out the update that the new sheets are available. When I looked at this one on Tuesday, all of the spreads gave me a little bit of stress. In fact, there was only maybe one game that I definitely knew the answer to. Of course, after last week’s performance I have noplace to go but up.

In other news, in my friends pool, my friend’s 2-year-old nephew has me by one game. I hate spreads.

In better news, I’m still dominating Aaron and Joe.

Cardinals +6 at Redskins: The Cardinals are a quirky team this year. At this point, no one knows how to bet them because the starting quarterback is a mystery week to week. For me: the Redskins have the third ranked defense in the league and have given up 3.6 YPC this season. The Cardinals, on the other hand, have no answer for Clinton Portis. Only question: does that mean the Skins win by 6? I don’t think it does. Cardinals +6.

Falcons +7 at Saints: I knew when the Saints won in Seattle last week they’d be immediately over-rated and the lines would move to “they’re back” status. If the Saints lose last week, this is a 3 point line. Falcons +7.

Ravens -3 at Bills: Apparently, the Ravens still have the ability to hold back crappy offenses. Ravens cover.

Vikings +9.5 at Cowboys: If trends continue, it takes approximately two weeks to recover from getting your soul crushed by the Patriot Machine. This just means that, while the Cowboys normally would have taken this spread, now they won’t cover it. However, if they want to lose the game and let the Giants tie the division, I’m all for that, too. Vikings +9.5

Patriots -15.5 at Dolphins: I’ve seen this spread as high as 17… and with good reason. Simmons mentioned last week that the Patriots have a tendency to run up the score these days. They don’t dial it back at the end of the game when they’re up 10 or 14… this is what makes these spreads. I know that the Patriots are due, at some point, to not beat a team by 20 points, but I can’t see this as being the week… especially considering who they beat last week. This is the long way to say “I don’t know if I’m taking any team getting less than 20 vs New England.” Patriots cover.

Niners +6 at Giants: Hey, remember when Trent Dilfer was the quarterback of the Ravens and beat the Giants 34-7 in a Super Bowl? Remember how he had a brilliant defense and Jamal Lewis? Now he’s got the Niners defense and Frank Gore. I’d actually like to see the Giants sack Dilfer 20 times… minimum. I also think the Giants pound the Niners. Giants cover.

Bucs +2 at Lions: Can the Jeff Garcia bandwagon overcome the power of Jesus? I think it can. Bucs outright.

Titans at Texans: I wonder if Vince Young is still honored to be on the cover of Madden. Texans.

Chiefs +3 at Raiders: Tomlinson ran for 200 yards last week. I can’t see LJ not exploiting the Raiders run defense the same way. Chiefs outright.

Jets +6 at Bengals: Pennington is getting ready to hit both “playing for his job” and “playing for a contract” at the same time. Add to this a horrible run defense that even Thomas Jones should be able to exploit and Pennington looking to impress some people, I think this is going to be your upset of the week. Jets outright.

Bears -5 at Eagles: I loathe 5 point spreads. I really do, because I never know how to pick them… I know how to pick them even less when it’s too good teams. That said, the Bears defense is so much a shell of itself that the Vikings hung 30 on them last week. Bears +5.

Rams +10.5 at Seahawks: Well, last week’s Saints debacle kind of shook down what I think of the Seahawks this year. If they couldn’t take a struggling team and put them away at home, what does that say about their chances against the Rams? I’m relatively certain that the Seahawks are going to beat the Rams but this is one of those stupid spreads that I hate picking. My gut tells me that the Seahawks are going to blow the Rams out which, by extension, leads to our first fired coach of the season. Seahawks cover but goddam I think that half point’s going to bite me.

Steelers -3.5 at Broncos: Here’s another spread that confuses me. What have the Broncos done that they’re only a field goal dog to a team that’s struggled all season. I guess this falls under my “team on the road after the bye week” rule but that hasn’t been working out for me so well this season. Steelers cover.

Colts -3 at Jaguars: I don’t get this spread at all. I mean, I know the Colts have struggled a little… and by “struggled” I mean “beating teams by less than 10″. I’m still thinking the Colts are rolling to week 9. If the spread on this was 7 I’d be a little more careful. Colts cover… tiebreak 48; 27-21.

For the record, Hulse and I had one of our standard, Friday morning “trying to determine a bet for this game” conversations. How did people work all day in offices before instant messenger? Seriously.

Locks of the Week: Steelers -3.5 over Broncos, Colts -3 over Jaguars, Giants -6 over Niners.

Upset of the Week: Jets over Bengals

Oft-commenter here The Big Show got married this past weekend. It was a weekend that featured my rediscovery of the Manhattan, marathon driving sessions, one of the most valiantly fought-off hangovers in the history of hangovers, and me re-discovering my hatred of Ms. L’s job.

Friday

7:00 am: Blackberry alarm goes off telling me something I already knew… it’s fuggin early.

7:15 am: Ms. L doesn’t stir as I start rummaging around and getting some final packing done. I am sure I didn’t forget anything. As I will later discover, I forgot toothpaste. Go me.

7:30 am: Downstairs to Rector Place. The doorman asks me if I need a cab. It takes a moment to process what he asks me. I grunt a yes and point at the one in front of the building across the way. The doorman pulls off that cab calling whistle that I still can’t do… at 7:30 in the morning it wasn’t something I needed next to my head.

7:32 am: I’m on the road. There’s nothing quite like taking a cab up the West Side Highway at 7:30 on a weekday morning… especially starting downtown. Between the construction on the highway and the construction on the Big Hole In The Ground, they collapse 3 lanes to 1 or 2. Plus, cabbies drive like they have death wishes. I’m half catatonic and my train’s at 8:15.

7:55 am: Penn Station at 8 am. Speaking of debacles. I’m not sure which is worse, Penn Station at 8 am when all the people from Long Island and New Jersey are getting into work or Penn Station at 3 am, when all their drunken kids are trying to go home. Oddly enough, in the morning all the hair product and fake tans are on the women. At night, they’re on the guys. This, of course, leads me to conclude that guidos grow up to be 40-year-old women who look 60.

8:00 am: Quick-Trak is deciding it wants my reservation number for the first time in history. Now… I have my overnight bag, my laptop, a garment bag, and I need to manage to get my Blackberry out to try and get to G-Mail to get my reservation number. All the while, there’s people behind me in line. Something tells me their train is coming at 8:15, too. Before Blackberry, I don’t know how this would have all worked out.

8:05 am: Tickets purchased. I consider Dunkin Donuts… line. Nope.

8:10 am: Boarding. I remain amused by all the people who stand in line at the gate of the Amtrak train. I’ve seen people start lining up at the gate up to a half hour before departure time. Congratulations, you got a choice seat on a train that isn’t sold out.

8:15 am: I’m sitting and there’s a lovely note on my seat informing me that, due to CSX trackwork, trains between New York Penn and Albany-Rensselaer are running from 15 to 90 minutes late. This does not bode well for my goal of making it to Boston by 3:30 pm to hit rehearsal. Luckily, I’ve been to two wedding rehearsals and they’re all exactly the same.

11:45 am: Arrive Albany exactly an hour after I was supposed to. Amtrak: F*ck Else You Gonna Use?

11:50 am: Mama Yard is waiting for me at the train station with a Dunkin Donuts coffee and toasted bagel with cream cheese. I’m reminded how much I love my mommy.

11:50:05 am: That bagel didn’t stand a chance.

12:05 pm: I have my mom take me to Kohl’s so I can buy a brown belt and navy socks. Mom is prepped with a $10 coupon in her glove box. Mind you I didn’t tell her that I needed to go to Kohl’s to buy a belt and socks before-hand, she was just prepped with a $10 coupon. Reasoning: “It came in the mail and I didn’t know when I’d need it.” More points for mom.

12:45 pm: Mom’s house. “You want a sandwich before you go? I have turkey, ham, roast beef, bologna, swiss, cheddar, and American.” Only my mom and dad live at home. She’s got lunch for 15. Bless her soul.

1:00 pm: On the road, exactly an hour after I’d prepared to be. Amtrak: We’re Union… Go F*ck Yourself.

1:05 pm: Ron and Fez on XM… now I recall why I keep my car’s subscription active even though I drive my car like 25 days a year.

2:30 pm: Fun fact: You can pick up WFAN out of Queens on the Massachusetts Turnpike.

4:10 pm: Right on schedule, hell traffic picks up right at the I-90/I-95 interchange. Even though I don’t drive much in New York, I must be picking up the driving habits by osmosis, as I certainly cut off an SUV to get over into the EZ-Pass lane. More points for mom: having an EZ-Pass since mine was in Brockport.

4:25 pm: I arrive at the Westin in Waltham exactly an hour after I intended. Amtrak: The Plane Would Have Taken Longer And Cost More, Sally. The bus for the rehearsal left an hour ago. Fortunately, they’re coming back before the dinner. Plenty of time to shower and get ready.

5:15 pm: I flip my computer on since I forgot to do my picks… the hotel charges for Internet. This, as usual, fills me with rage.

5:30 pm: I walk downstairs to discover that 5:30 really meant 5:25 and everyone’s waiting on me… I hate being that guy. They transport us to the rehearsal dinner on a coach bus, which was an excellent idea.

6:00 pm: I begin fulfilling my role as “dude no one knows” at the rehearsal dinner. There’s about 30 people there and I know the bride and groom, the groom’s parents, and the groom’s brother. That’s it. I say the words “Mike’s room-mate from college” about 100 times. The Manhattans make it easier.

6:05 pm: The groom, not the most comfortable guy with being the center of attention, asks me how to start schmoozing. I tell him that all he really has to do tonight is say “hey” and the schmoozing will be done for him.

6:30 pm: There’s a special menu with 4 entrees. I order the duck because I’ve never had duck before.

7:30 pm: My gift is a beer stein. I knew the Big Show would either give us watches or beer steins. Since I rarely wear watches, the beer stein is far more useful in my life. Thanks Big Show!

8:30 pm: Back at the hotel bar, the older folks go to bed and the younger folks begin their evening.

9:00 pm: Drinking

10:00 pm: More Drinking.

11:00 pm: Pretty hazy, but more drinking.

12:45 am: Last call? What? Massachusetts sucks. I order a Manhattan and a Bud Light and turn into “creepy guy sitting at the hotel bar a little too late by himself” as the rest of my party heads off to bed. I try to counter-act this by talking a group of guys who are even drunker than me. One of them reveals himself to be from Scotia… a town about 10 miles from where I grew up…. which is about 300 miles from where we are. Nonsense.

1:00 am: I find my way back to my room and engage in my newest random drunken activity: showering. For whatever reason: drunken Tom (or Tomas as he’s affectionately known) needs to take showers. I don’t know why.

1:15 am: Tomas finds that the Westin has robes. Tom later discovers how gloriously happy he is that he smartly decided to NOT ask for the keys to the minibar.

1:20 am: Tomas needs ice. He’s thirsty. He walks out to see guy from Scotia with his buddy’s arm slung over his shoulder in that “holy crap this guy’s drunk” stance.

2:00 am: Tomas wants to see the end of the Rockies game but some dim part of him realizes that he’s been up for almost 20 hours at this point.

To Be Continued…… Driving in Boston is always an adventure

I went out to Boston for the Big Shows wedding so I didn’t really get a chance to sit down and write out my picks. As such, I managed to have the worst week I’ve swung thus far.

L/L - Vikings +5.5 at Bears: Bears cover.

W/W - Titans +2.5 at Bucs: Bucs cover. Jeff Garcia bandwagon… duh.

W/W - Dolphins +4.5 at Cleveland: Cleveland covers.

W/L - Rams +10 at Ravens: Rams +10. Looked at last week, recalled my rule about spreads of more than 3 with Baltimore… lost.

W/L - Texans +6.5 at Jaguars: Texans +6.5.

W/L - Redskins +3.5 at Packers: Packers cover. They did not. I hate half points.

W/W - Eagles -2.5 at Jets: Eagles cover. I had no idea what to do with this game, so I figured McNabb would want a revenge game after his last disaster in the Meadowlands.

W/W - Bengals -3.5 at Chiefs: Chiefs outright. The Bengals have no run defense and the Chiefs have LJ. Easy pick. This was my upset of the week. Picking the Chiefs every week has to work out eventually.

L/L - Panthers +4 at Cardinals: Cardinals cover. Didn’t know Vinny Testaverde was going to stand up from his easy chair, walk in off the street, and throw a good game.

W/L - Raiders +10 at Chargers: Raiders +10. The thought was that a resurging Daunte Culpepper could keep it within 10. Nope.

W/W - Patriots -4.5 at Cowboys: Patriots Cover. There was only one other game gift-wrapped to this degree. Had I been a gambler, this and the over were locks.

L/L - Saints +6.5 at Seahawks: Seahawks cover. The Saints have been struggling and it’s usually hard to play in Seattle.

W/W - Giants -3.5 at Atlanta: Giants cover. The second gift wrapped pick of this week. 3.5? This spread would have had to be 7 to make it hard. As a bonus, my tie break points was 34, with a 24-10 prediction.

Locks: Giants -3.5, Patriots -4.5, Patriots/Cowboys over 50.5

Upset: Chiefs +3.5 outright

This Week:
- Straight up: 10-3
- Against the spread: 6-7

Overall:
- Straight up: 55-34
- Against the spread: 44-40-5

Locks of the Week: 8-2

Upsets of the Week: 2-2