One New York Life

I went to see Les Miserables for the second time this year. I’m not sure if I wrote about it the first time but it rocketed to the top of the “Favorite Broadway Show” list, kicking Rent out of the top slot. So, when Ms L’s aunt and uncle came into the city for their yearly US Open jaunt, we decided to take them to Les Mis.

The post isn’t so much about Les Mis, although I will say that the show takes on a whole new meaning when you don’t particularly hate the actress portraying Fantine and, thus, aren’t rooting for her to hurry up and die. It’s more about the events afterward.

Ms L’s aunt & uncle are older folks from Western New York. I think they’re in their late 50s/early 60s but I won’t swear to it. They’re also creatures of habit. They stay at the same hotel every year and, as I’m discovering, like going to mostly the same restaurants. Last year, when we saw Spamalot, we started the night at a small Irish Pub called The Pig ‘n Whistle, went to the show, then visited the The ESPNZone in Times Square. On the surface, there isn’t much to hate about the ESPNZone. It’s huge, it’s got games, and it has TVs everywhere (including in front of the urinal AND in bathroom stalls). I imagine it’s a hell of a place to watch football… but that’s before you get into the $8 Coors Light and $10 mixed drinks. This year, we went to the Pig n Whistle for dinner and then tried to go to the ESPNZone but, since things in Times Square close crazy early, it had already called last call….. at 11pm. In some states, that might be normal. New York’s bars close at 4am. Yet another reason I hate mid-town.

Thus, we put our evening in Ms. L’s capable hands. I rarely, if ever, choose to spend my free time in the Times Square/Hell’s Kitchen part of Manhattan. Her job is in Times Square, so she’s got some idea of what’s in the area. We ended up walking over to 8th Avenue and finding a small bar called The Playwright’s Tavern. We went in to the bar to discover that the taps were all out but the bar did have a Late Night Happy Hour. One thing to love about Manhattan is the Late Night Happy Hour… when the bar decides that the 4-7pm Happy Hour just isn’t good enough so they schedule a 2nd one for 12-3am…. on a Wednesday night (This, by the way, is on my impending list of 25 items listing why living in New York City is essentially like an extended stay in college). Usually, a late night happy hour during the week has “bad idea” written all over it in 22 separate languages. I figured tonight would be pretty safe, though.

We get into the bar about 11:30. Sportscenter was on all the TVs as we came in. After we had ordered our first round (totaling $12… God bless Late Night Happy Hours Not at the ESPNZone) a group of guys came in to the bar. They were generally non-descript, save for all four of them and their girlfriends were a pretty tattooed-up bunch. They asked the bartender to put on Letterman, which he obliged.

To make a long story short Letterman eventually got to his musical guest; a band called: Against Me. As the band started playing we realized that it was the group of dudes who had come in earlier and were sitting behind us. I turned to watch the lead singer staring at the television, mouth agape, with an arm around his chick. He looked at me and said: “that’s totally me, dude” with a goofy grin. At the end of the song, the bar just kinda burst into applause for them. It was a pretty cool moment.

We left pretty much right after that, but was just one of those random nonsense things that happen in Manhattan that kind of makes it worthwhile to live there. Like going to a comedy club and seeing Chris Rock for free.

Igniting jealousy amongst most people I’m friends with, The Lovely & Talented Ms. L managed to land a luxury suite at Shea Stadium for Friday’s game against the Dodgers. There’s no good way to describe how this came about while keeping everything anonymous, but her tax accounting “team” got it as a reward for services rendered. Up until about two hours before the game I was ready to get into a suit for this trip, but Ms. L said I would be the most over-dressed guy among the people going. I told her that I was dressing in case I ran into Omar Minaya or someone important who could get me a job (which happened to a member of our party… who ended up riding the elevator with Omar). Alas, rolling in the suit was kayboshed.

First, we got to use the Diamond Club entrance. The suite entry is far less efficient than the standard gates. The standard gates at Shea have two bag search tables and a team of friskers. The Diamond Club entrance had one table and three friskers. The bag search was a bit more intense. The girl went through every inch of my laptop bag while the guy actually used a metal detector wand in lieu of the standard joke of a pat-down.

Once inside, we walked up to the suite level before going through a door into an air-conditioned, carpeted room that included the Diamond Club Bar and Grill. Skipping the bar (as we’d been informed there would be cocktails in the box) we were directed out toward the press box with directions to the suite.

We were let into the box and the first thing I noticed was the fact it had its own toilet. For the first time ever, I was able to take a leak at Shea Stadium without waiting in an absurd line. This was approximately 150 bonus points all on its own. When we actually walked in to the air-conditioned, glassed-in box, I got the first good look around. As you entered, the bathroom (and closet!) was immediately to the left. A very short hallway then opened into the box proper. To the left was a small “living room” with two leather couches, each with a 42 or 46 inch HDTV mounted above them (Aside: how did bars and various places function before there were televisions that took up no more room than a picture-frame? The Plasma/Flat Screen/HDTV is one of the most under-rated inventions of the last 10 years. I was reminded of this recently when I went to a friend’s house. He still has one of the giant 50 inch projection TVs. Like… the really old school console ones that are roughly the size of a room. Now, bars hang these giant 46 inch televisions all over the place like they’re going out of style. One of my favorite bars in Manhattan, now closed, boasted like 35 of these. I can’t be the only one who now goes into bars and gets kinda ticked if they don’t have at least one.) with another two chairs grouped around a table. The table had a full shrimp cocktail spread.

On the right was the “kitchen.” There was a full spread of food. One station had hot dogs, fries, and a make your own Slider section. The next station was your standard catered ziti. The next station was the crown jewel… a full sushi layout with every type of sushi I’ve ever tried. Moving down the line was the beverages. Bottles of Tanqueray, Grey Goose, Captain Morgan, and Jose Cuervo made up the liquor while buckets of Bud, Bud Light, Beck’s, Amstel Light, and some god-awful Budweiser/Clamato Hybrid beer that was opened just for every one to pass around, taste, and make the same “guh” face.

At this point, I started running through my phone book calling every Met fan I knew. Those who I couldn’t reach, I texted. Had my Blackberry had a camera, it would have been the first time in my life I ever would immediately started snapping pictures like a giddy tourist and started just mailing everyone on my list.

To the front was a glass wall with doors at each end that led to three rows of 10 seats. The boxes are underneath the Loge section… so they’re situated above the last row of field level seats. Seatdata.com doesn’t give you the option to look out the window of luxury boxes, but this is pretty close.

I started with a Tanqueray and Tonic because, well, I could and then proceeded to plow through sushi and sliders at an unheard of pace. I assume the pace was unheard of because I can’t imagine sane people pairing sushi with sliders. (Aside 2: for the non NYers that read this, the Slider is the staple of White Castle. It is, essentially, a small cheeseburger grilled on a bed of diced onions with cheese and mustard. These are the little slices of delicious that Harold and Kumar went on an all night jaunt to acquire. I can’t say that I blame them. Paired with sushi? Well… I was drinking and it was free.) After the Gin and Tonic was over, I started in on the beer. I would have made it a night of various mixed drinks, but I was hanging with Ms L’s co-workers (and bosses…. and partners) so I had to behave. After about the third inning, they brought in ice cream. Had it not been awesome before, it had certainly reached awesome now.

I honestly can’t tell you much about the game. I know the Mets won and I know the game was followed by Fiesta Latina, a concert put on for Latina night; I remember it fondly because it gave us more time in the box. As they called last call in the box, I made myself my 2nd Tanqueray and Tonic while completely unstealth-ly lining my pockets with Bud Light. We bailed out of Fiesta Latina after the first wave left the stadium but before the concert-goers left. While I wasn’t expecting the aftermath of the concert to be as adventurous as the aftermath Puerto Rican or Dominican Day Parades, I didn’t much feel like taken any drunken chances.

The ride back to my apartment is a bit of a blur, but all I know is that Shea Stadium is now spoiled for me. I mean… not waiting for a bathroom? Seriously.

The second season begins after summer vacation in Sunnydale. Buffy has spent the summer in LA with her father. Buffy often seems to leave Sunnydale for entire summers. It’s fortunate that Demons apparently don’t operate much in the summer.

When She Was Bad: Buffy comes back from LA and she’s…. kinda evil. This show foreshadows a ton of themes over the course of the episode, including Buffy’s fatalistic attitude, her inane need to charge into danger blind, and her constant need to blow off her friends even though they’re essentially the reason she stays alive as long as she does. Episodes like this make me hate her character. This is the first in many, many Buffy’s better than everyone episodes.

After charging off into an obvious trap, which turns out to be a diversion to separate her from her friends (success!) she returns to the library to find a beaten Xander (who very easily could have been a dead Xander) and a kidnapped Willow and Giles. Xander, in one of his ballsiest moments in the series tells Buffy that he’ll kill her if anything happens to Willow. This was also one of the few episodes that they teased a Willow and Xander relationship that, sadly, never happened. By the end of the series, I was hoping that they’d end up putting the two of them together, but they went with the forced, try to catch lightning in a bottle a second time Willow/Kennedy thing.

Some Assembly Required: A young genius has raised his brother from the dead Frankenstein-style. He’s promised him a companion. This is first Buffy homage to to Frankenstein.

School Hard: Notable for the first appearance of Spike, who really becomes the most complicated and interesting character on the show as it progresses. Also notable for the fact that, at the end, Principal Snyder tells the police chief to say the trouble caused by the Vampires attacking the school was instead caused by a gang high on PCP. He asks the chief if he’d prefer to tell the truth. This is the first indication that someone other than the Scooby Gang knows what goes on in Sunnydale. It also establishes Principal Snyder as a henchman of someone… as he consistently tries to keep Buffy from killing demons. Angel tells the group that Spike, nee “William the Bloody” has killed two Slayers in the past. Spike also finishes off The Anointed One, cleansing the Big Bad from Season One.

Inca Mummy Girl: A Xander in Peril episode… an ancient Incan mummy is released from her coffin and must kill people to stay alive. She likes to Xander, which depresses Willow (and honestly, it does kind of suck that they never, EVER went anywhere with this relationship. Whether it was planned and then went away when Willow became a lesbian, I have no idea). This episode also marks the initial appearance of Oz and Jonathan.

Reptile Boy: The date rape episode. Cordelia and Buffy decide to go to a frat party. They get drugged and end up in the basement to be sacrificed to to a reptile god.

Halloween: The episode that introduces Ethan Rayne, the link to Giles’ checkered past. Ethan opens a costume shop in Sunnydale. The twist is that on Halloween, everyone will become their costume. In a reversal of fortune, Buffy becomes an 18th Century noblewoman and Xander becomes a soldier. We can also mark this as the episode where Willow gets nice and whored up for the first time sparking off endless Willow vs Buffy hottie debates. There’s no debate, by the way. Willow in a landslide. Xander will retain his military training for the remainder of the series.

Lie to Me: This is an interesting little episode that addresses a few running themes. Firstly, people who want to use vampires to escape death. Most of the vampires that were on the show didn’t really know what they were getting into when they were turned. This is the first (and I think only) character who actively seeks out vampires when they know their death is coming. It addresses the basic question in the whole vampire myth: if you were faced with your own impending mortality, would you be willing to become horrifically evil to live forever? It’s the basic romance of being a vampire… being young and beautiful forever and living without the fear of death. They revisit this more intensely on Angel. We get our first glimpse into Angel’s twisted past, as he reveals how he sired Drusilla, driving her insane first by killing her whole family. It also one of the few episodes that touch on vampire cults; people who are convinced that vampires are good people, and just misunderstood. This is another episode in my top ten of the whole series. It addresses a ton of things the show needed to address starts to move a bit away from the high school drama.

The Dark Age: Really gives us more of an insight to Giles’s checkered past. Apparently, back in the day, he was resisting his Watcher calling and took to summoning demons to get high with his buddy Ethan Rayne (previously from Halloween). One of their demons is on the warpath killing former members of their group.

What’s My Line, Part One: Career Week at Sunnydale high while Spike hires a clan of assassins to kill Buffy. Buffy goes through the stress that most of us would face during career week, with the added bonus of having to lead a Clark Kent Lifestyle. Toward the end of episode we meet Kendra, the Slayer who was called when Buffy died. Kendra is the studious, opposite of Buffy in the Slayer world… something of a Watcher’s Pet. She also, however, fights alone… which has led to the death of many a Slayer. We also get the first mention of Willy’s Place, which is a bar in Sunnydale where both Demons and Humans drink together. It appears the Sunnydale Syndrome is not all encompassing.

For the record, this right here is the first time I wondered why there wasn’t more than one Slayer and wondered what “called” them… something no one else had apparently considered in the 2,000 years previous and wouldn’t think of for another 5 years.

What’s My Line, Part Two: As Buffy and Kendra diverge, with Kendra getting closer to Giles and Buffy feeling alienated, Spike has figured out that the blood of Drusilla’s sire (Angel) will heal her impaired state. Drusilla spends some time torturing Angel which, one presumes, you’re supposed to feel bad about until you recall that Angel killed her entire family and drove her insane. Cordelia and Xander are trapped by an assassin who can turn himself into mealworms and share their first kiss kicking off the Xander and Cordelia relationship. Willow and Oz also kind of start their relationship, thus ending the Xander/Willow tension for the rest of the series.

The Buffy and Kendra tension seems to be the most important thing here. Kendra is your typical “book smart” person while Buffy is the the typical “street smart” person. Kendra is the Watcher’s dream, doing her studies and her training with no complaint and following orders with no question. Buffy does not bother to learn all encompassing Slayer knowledge but accepts help (occasionally) and goes with her gut. Buffy’s (and arguably Faith’s) Slayer time-served turns out to be much longer than Kendra’s, so make of that what you will.

One thing you could say about this series is they could do them a two parter. This was a fantastic story.

Ted: The John Ritter episode. Buffy’s mother begins dating a new man, Ted, who inserts himself a little too strongly into Buffy’s life. He immediately tries to be the father figure, laying down rules and threatening slap Buffy’s “smart-ass mouth.” One of the super-paced After-School specials crammed into one episode, Buffy doesn’t get along with her mon’s new boyfriend but, in typical Buffy fashion, she winds up killing him. By mistake, of course. This is the first episode where Buffy has to deal with her powers being used for evil. Ted was a human… she’s not supposed to kill humans. However, a Dusty Finish where we find out Ted was a robot.

Bad Eggs: This is the episode that goofs on the “Health Class students take home eggs to learn about pregnancy” cliche that is in every sit-com ever. The eggs contain demon creatures which attach to their hosts and make them automatons. Kind of a toss-away episode.

These take forever to write… part 2 eventually.

I didn’t realize I had actually turned registration on. It’s off now. I have to approve the first comment per e-mail address to block spam but otherwise, go nuts.

I’ve been putting off writing this column because I was scared of it. July and August are supposed to be the time to be excited for football regardless of how bad your team was last season. I mean we’re talking about a league of 32 teams where 12 of them are going to get into the playoffs and, since they went to four divisions, your team just needs to be less crappy than 10 of the other teams that didn’t win their division. It’s the brilliance of the the NFL. Even when they didn’t have a salary cap to make billionaires richer and screw the players and fans encourage parity, lots of teams made the playoffs. Once you get into the playoffs, anyone’s got a shot. This was one of the first years I was actually dreading football season. It was set to be the first season since the Ray “I got thrown under the bus for not being Bill Parcells” Handley era that I was hating the thought of baseball season being over.

But, a funny thing happened on the way to my dread. I started paying attention. What I noticed was: the NFC still kinda sucks. On top of that… no one in the NFC East is any better than they were last season. In the NFC East, it’s not so much “who got better” as it is “who got the least worse.” Should we make a list? Let’s.

1) Filthy Cowboys: It remains to be seen if Tony Romo will recover from his delicious failure. That’s the kind of play that can wreck a player. With “competent” back-up Brad Johnson waiting in the wings, Romo’s got some pressure. They downgraded from “Cadillac” to “Geo Metro” in the coaching department (funny story, Bill Parcells’s retirement home is in my home town now… nice place). New coach Wade Phillips gets to play the T.O. game with ESPN this season. If Parcells was unable to make Owens behave… what the hell is Wade Phillips going to do?

2) Filthy Eagles: The warranty on the “mobile quarterback” apparently expires at age 28. Donovan McNabb will turn 31 this November. This means McNabb either needs to change his game (difficult) or not get injured. They wisely let their good back-up go to the Bucs (which, I don’t know which decision was more inexplicable… the Buccaneers offering Rich Garcia $5M to “compete for the starting job” or the Eagles not using some of their $11M in cap space to keep him on board for McNabb’s inevitable injury. Now, the Eagles are looking forward to at least four starts by AJ Feeley or Kelly Holcomb. Most of their receivers have been in the league less than three seasons and they replaced Donte Stallworth with Kevin Curtis.

3) Filthy Redskins: Until they actually do something, I can’t take them seriously. The Redskins seem to go in to every season looking great on paper; Santana Moss and James Thrash are good receivers, Clinton Portis is a great back, Randel-El is a good return guy, their defense is serviceable… but they never perform. Last year, it looked as though Mark Brunell was heading toward one more great run, but that fizzled. This year, they’re listing Jason Campbell as their starting quarterback. He of the 76.5 QB Rating over 7 games last season. While I love all their offensive weapons, I don’t love the guy pulling the trigger.

4) The New York Football Giants: Tiki’s gone… while some Giant fans are petrified by this, I’m ecstatic. As much as the Giants supported him all through his career as a fumbling back, he’s found it necessary to take every opportunity to slam the organization and Tom Coughlin on the way out. Because, you know, Coughlin certainly didn’t fix any problems for Tiki….. like teaching him how to NOT fumble.

With one high-profile malcontent gone, public opinion has rapidly turned on high-profile holdout Michael Strahan. Strahan signed, at his request, a top loaded contract that paid him $9M/season at the beginning, with a signing bonus, and $4M/season toward the end. After his divorce paid Mrs. Strahan in the neighborhood of $18M, Mr. Strahan is holding out for more money. To the Giants’ credit, they seem completely unwilling to renegotiate with a 37-year-old who’s played two seasons worth of games in the last three. To the fans’ credit, they have not adopted the “just pay him” attitude that holdouts occasionally drum up for veteran players. After Strahan’s last season of talking a huge game and not really delivering, the fans seem ready to move on. Frankly, in a season where Coughlin has promised his locker room would not be a source of drama, I’d like to see Strahan gone. I’m guessing, as he just paid his ex-wife a boatload of money to go away, that he won’t be dismissing $4 million (or even $2 million, since he signed the contract while they were still married…. no clue how that works) so easily. Strahan will likely be back, and if he, Matthias Kiwanuka, and Osi Umenyiora can put together a healthy season… and some defensive backs can manage to go a season without getting hurt (UPDATE: In an almost comical if not so sad twist of fate, Safety Will Demps and Cornerback Sam Madison both got injured on the same play in the Giants’ pre-season game vs. the Ravens. Demps dislocated his elbow on a tackle and, at the same time on the other side of the field, Madison pulled the same hamstring that kept him out four weeks last season. The Giants’ crack training staff strikes again, keeping the guys nice and warmed up on a rainy, damp night. Good show, gentlemen) The Giants’, they have a chance for things to break right and play some good defense.

What gives me hope on offense is this: Tiki Barber was a strong personality on the offense. He was, by default, the leader. I’m hoping, with him out of the way, Eli will somehow manage to get the offense under him this year. Otherwise, I think this is as good a test of Bill Simmons’s Ewing Theory as any other team in the league. Tiki’s gone, they have a decent receiving core and a some good, speedy, young receivers who show a lot of promise. Michael Jennings is a guy who was cut last season but looked decent. Steve Smith and Sinorice Moss are promising. Added with newly returned (and well-dressed) Amani Toomer and a hopefully more mature set of Jeremy Shockey and Plaxico Burress, the receiving corps (UPDATE THE SECOND: In the same preseason game as mentioned above, Michael Jennings tore his Achilles after catching a 10-yard pass from Manning. He didn’t get hit… he just fell down with a ruptured Achilles. Fire them. All of them. Right the f*ck now. Steve Smith is also out for a while with a concussion. I can’t blame them on that one other than not teaching a rookie how to defend himself properly.) is promising.

Another piece: according to Mike Hulse: “by the end of last season, the Giants’ offensive line consisted of Diehl, Seubert, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen. It can’t be worse.”. This is true. The Giants’ season went south in a hurry as their linemen started to fall. That, more than anything, is a huge reason they started the season 6-2 and ended it 2-6. The Giants’ re-assembled their line and everyone’s healthy again. If they can stay that way and keep Eli from firing 60-yard jump balls off his back foot, there’s a chance.

And the final thing that really gives me hope: their schedule. Last season the NFC East was far more difficult than it was this season and they went 4-2, beating the Eagles when they had McNabb and losing during Garcia’s Cinderella stretch. They came within an eyelash of sweeping the Cowboys. In the first four weeks they get Dallas on the road, Green Bay, at Washington, and Philadelphia. This gets two tough divisional road match-ups out of the way early while everyone is healthy. Secondly, they get Green Bay, a team that no one other than Favre apologists really take seriously, at home in week two.

The next four games are the Jets at home (giving the Jets an extra home game this season, which we’ll get to some other time), the traveling comedy troupe that will be on the field in Atlanta, A 49ers team that may or may not be good depending on who you pay attention to (and, too many teams are calling the Niners as the “dark horse team” meaning they’re certainly not going to be the “dark horse team”), and then they travel to London to play the Dolphins. The Dolphins are losing the home game, which means the Giants get a neutral site game in the regular season. This is followed by their bye week.

Back from the bye week they get Dallas, at Detroit, Minnesota, and at Chicago. Of those games, exactly one is a problem, and it isn’t the defending NFC Champions. While the Bears decisively beat the Giants last year, I don’t think Rex Grossman is going to be able to duplicate his inexplicable success of last year.

The last month of the season brings at Philly, Washington, at Buffalo, and they close the season against the Patriots. The Giants will likely be playing a home game in Buffalo. The Bills have been applying blackouts to their local market for the last two seasons. There are also armies of Giants’ fans upstate. It’s very likely that Ralph Wilson Stadium is going to be sporting 75% Giants’ fans by the end of December. Then, they close the season against a Patriots team that will probably have had home field advantage locked up since early December. While that game doesn’t thrill me, I have the hope that no starters will be playing in it.

So, giving them the same divisional 4-2 as last season (which I think is reasonable… they should be able to steal at least one of those games on the road) and applying the should win, might win, and probably lose formula:

Should Win: Packers, Lions, Vikings, Bills, Falcons

Might Win: Jets, Chicago, Dolphins, Niners

Probably Lose: Patriots

They skip ALL the elite teams except one. The Colts, Ravens, Saints, and Chargers are nowhere to be found. If I give them 4-1 in should wins, 2-2 in might wins, and 0-1 in probably loses… I come up with a 10-6 season… an almost certain wildcard berth in the NFC.

Yes, I’m almost certainly looking at all of this through rose-colored glasses. Yes, I’m ignoring the injury bug that’s infected the Giants for the last two seasons. Yes, I’m assuming the Redskins will have a Redskins-esque season. Yes, I’m assuming that the Giants can break their irritating habit of playing down to their competition. Yes, I’m assuming that Eli Manning will be, at the very least, as serviceable as he’s been the last two seasons. Unlike other writers, I’m not writing the season off as long as Eli’s the quarterback. At the end of the day the Coughlin/Manning duo are 2/2 in getting to the post-season.

But, I’ve talked myself into being excited for football season again… and really, in August, isn’t that what matters?

There are quite a few books that have stacked up over the years on my winter summer whatever reading lists. It would take me a long time to list out the books I’ve thumbed through in Borders and said “damn, I should get this.” Then I realize that it’s dumb to spend $20 or $30 on a hardcover book that I’ll read once and then turn into a decoration.

About six months ago, someone introduced me to this odd concept. It’s a store, kind of like a video store, but with books instead of movies. It must be like a chain because they have them all over the city. What’s better, they don’t even charge a rental fee… just late fees… and you get three whole weeks when you rent a book. The website, similar to Netflix, allows you to create an account and set up a book queue. You can pick which location you want your book to go to. When you bring it back, you can even request another book to be sent to your location.

Yeah, two years into the New York City experience and I finally bit the bullet and got myself a New York Public Library card. The first book I got was one I’d been putting off for quite some time, but have been fascinated with.

Moneyball by Michael Lewis is the story of the Oakland A’s. It set out to answer the question “how does a team with so little money win so many games.” The premise is relatively simple. In 2001, the Oakland A’s spent $40 million dollars and put together a 102-win season. The New York Yankees spent $130 million dollars and won 95 games. How was it that a team that totally flew in the face of commonly-accepted baseball knowledge (money = success) win so many games? How was it that teams like the Milwaukee Brewers and Kansas City Royals, teams that consistently claimed their impoverished states would never allow them to be competitive, could never be good, yet the A’s were able to win 100 games?

Well, most claimed it was luck.

Funny thing about baseball is that it’s the only sport with a sample set big enough to reveal trends over time. One guy, back in the 1980s, figured this out. He discovered that applying different mathematical formulas to massive amounts of baseball data available would reveal trends. The trends revealed that certain statistics (the batting average, save, win, RBI, ERA) were tremendously overvalued… meaning a team would pay a ton of money guys with gaudy statistics in these categories. On the other hand, there were statistics that were tremendously undervalued at best, and flat-out ignored at worst (On-Base Percentage, Slugging Percentage, WHIP).

What the A’s discovered, and exploited, were that while the Yankees would pay a guy with .310 batting average (AVG) with a .310 on base percentage (OBP) a boatload of money, they’d be less likely to pay for a .220 AVG with a .395 OBP. They discovered that all these mathematical formulas were largely ignored by the rest of baseball. They paid the going rate for a guy with a low On-Base Percentage… and cleaned up. It included the history of how some statistics, like Batting Average, were invented… that is, the original baseball box score was derived from the cricket box score. Cricket does not include the “walk”. Therefore, the “walk” was originally credited as an Error to the pitcher and the average was only meant to include clean at-bats. That is, a plate appearance where the batter either struck out or hit the ball into play. Since baseball is, if anything, throughly resistant to change, this statistic stayed as part of the game and has become important over the years, like the Win for a pitcher, even if it’s horrifically flawed.

Of the 20 or so people who read this blog, I know a few of you are totally-non sports fans. If I haven’t lost you already, this piece will likely make your PhD-rational mind bleed. The batting average measures how good a person is at hitting the ball into play or striking out. On base percentage measures how good you are at getting on base. What the ivy league snobs who worked for the Oakland A’s realized, well before the rest of the league, was that it didn’t really matter how a guy got on base… so long as he got on base. They realized that a walk (that is, getting to first base for free) was just as valuable as getting to first on a hit. So, if you read a box score that says a batter went 0-2 with 2 walks, it means he came to the plate four times, got on base via walks twice and either struck out or hit the ball into play and was put out twice. His batting average for the day is .000. His OBP for the day is .500. The A’s realized that guys who got on base more were better. As straightforward a concept as this seems… it’s resisted in baseball. Even to this day, old baseball men will continue to flaunt ignorant baseball-isms like “you can’t walk home.”

A good part of the beginning of this book are about statistics. Essentially, how a group of stat-geeks got together behind the writing of a man named Bill James and discovered there were a LOT of undervalued statistics in baseball. They discovered different ways to look at the game. As baseball is very resistant to change, very few people in baseball were willing to listen to the advice of guys who weren’t in baseball. Even though you could show them piles and piles of data to prove that sacrificing an out on purpose is a bad idea… they didn’t believe it. Sacrificing was a way to “manufacture runs”. It is not a way to “give up outs”. As I made mention of in another post, the feud between guys who find ways to apply this math vs. the guys who bull-headedly believe there is nothing to it rages on. If Bill James created the movement in the eighties, this book brought it to the Internet generation.

The rest of the book follows the A’s 2002 season. It starts at the beginning of the season, the season in which they had to replace Jason Giambi. Giambi had just taken a huge paycheck from the Yankees. The A’s were faced with the unenviable task of replacing him. The process by which they go about this: determining what Jason Giambi contributed to the team and mathematically figuring out what offensive tools they would need to replace him in the line-up. How they determine that defense is over-rated. It follows Billy Beane through to the trading deadline and describes how he’d become so good at fleecing teams with trades that teams had become suspicious of dealing with him. You get some story about the A’s 20-game winning streak, capped off by a walk-off blast by a guy, Scott Hatteberg, who was let go by the Rockies. The A’s were able to pay him $900k/season because the league does not value walks. Hatteberg was one of their examples of a guy whose OBP was roughly 100 points higher than his batting average, but was let go because he was no longer a good catcher. The A’s picked him up, made him learn first base, and made him a valuable player. It wraps up with the 2002 ALDS and the fallacy of “manufacturing runs” and “being aggressive on the base paths”; old baseball clichees that, when data is analyzed, don’t really work out the way you think. Manufacturing runs, in baseball speak, is giving away outs to try and get runs.

Really, if you haven’t read Moneyball and you think you know what it’s about, you probably don’t. It’s really a study about how baseball, for the most part, is an insanely bull-headed and stubborn business. Most teams still refuse to recognize that there might be some other way to look at baseball than the way it’s “always been done”. Mathematical models can, in fact, be applied to the mounds and mounds of statistics compiled over 130 years to come up with different ways of looking at the game. You can create a statistic called “Batting Average On Balls In Play” to figure out how good a pitcher really is independent of the defense behind him.

For a baseball fan, highly recommended.

I know there’s going to be a ton of ink spilled and bytes spent furiously typing about how there probably won’t ever be another pitcher to reach the 300 milestone (presuming that Randy Johnson’s back really does keep him from the one or two more seasons he’s going to require to get there). I’m reading plenty of columns that passingly mention that there are now 23 guys in the 300 Win Club. Not many of them are mentioning that as the very reason that 300 wins has been a guaranteed ticket to Cooperstown for over 100 years. Baseball’s gone 20 years without finding itself with a 300 game winner more than once. Grover Cleveland Alexander got there in 1924. No one else would join him until Lefty Grove won #300 in 1941. He’d be alone until Warren Spahn joined him in 1961.

But, I’m really posting this to make fun of This awful article by alleged AP Writer Rick Gano.

Three-hundred wins has long punched a ticket to Cooperstown. One reason Tom Glavine could make that trip is his durability — he’s never been on the disabled list in a career than began in 1987.

With him so far.

He’s doesn’t rely on an overpowering fastball to dominate hitters and doesn’t tax his arm. Instead, he’s brushing the outside corner, mixing pitches and speeds.

In other words: he’s a good pitcher.

Late in his career, the 41-year-old left-hander worked with Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson to alter his approach and sequence of deliveries, making even more guesswork for hitters.

This sentence is the third paragraph… it’s not a particularly good paragraph… or sentence. Now, I realize that I’m in a glass house here; I’ve been known to make a typo or eleven. However, my excuse is that I don’t have an editor nor do I write for the A-damn-P.

He fields his position and he can swing the bat as he showed Sunday night in the Mets’ 8-3 win over the Cubs when he joined the exclusive 300-win club.

On and on and on and on.

He had an RBI single, a sacrifice, a bouncer to move a runner up and a walk. It’s an edge that helps greatly, especially in the National League where he’s spent his entire career.

Glavine is really good a sacrifice bunts. He’s also having a ridiculous year behind the plate for him and for a pitcher in general. He’s hitting .244 with an OBP of .362 in 41 at-bats. Guys on the Mets with a sub-.362 OBP: Carlos Delgado, Paul Lo Duca, Carlos Beltran, Shawn Green. Times Glavine has ever done this before or will ever do this again: 0.

The game has evolved since Glavine broke in with the Atlanta Braves two decades ago. Five-man rotations are commonplace, reducing the number of starts. Bullpen specialists are everywhere.

I know “Glavine Is Old” jokes are funny (my favorite was a few weeks ago: a co-worker mentioned that Glavine, in his younger days, passed the time with the most cutting-edge toy of his day… the Hoop N Stick) and, if that’s what the author was going for here, I wouldn’t bring it up… but Glavine broke in the league in 1988. Most teams started using five-man rotations in the 70s and Glavine was never a 300 Inning pitcher. Let’s simmer down on the “back when men were men” memoirs for a guy who played most of his career in the 90s and 2000s.

“Notice the dwindling number of 20-game winners you’ve seen over the years. That’s a pretty good indication in itself,” said Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella said, adding he doesn’t see another 300-game winner on the horizon.

I like Lou, but this is just wrong. Of the 23 guys in the 300 Club: 5 won their 300th before 1900, 6 won between 1900 and 1924, 3(!) in the 65(!) years between 1925 and 1980, 5 in the 80s, 1 in the 90s, and 3 since 2000. Dwindling Number? I’d say the numbers actually skyrocketed. In the last 27 years, 9 guys won their 300th game. In the 65 years preceding that there was a grand total of 3. I’ll say that the number of 400 game winners has dwindled.

Randy Johnson of the Arizona Diamondbacks is out with back problems and is almost 44. Even though he has 284 wins, the magic 300 is unlikely for the left-hander.

Randy’s got 4000 strikeouts. The list of guys who have more than him is as follows: Nolan Ryan and Roger Clemens. I think he’ll be OK.

It’s a topic Glavine has dealt with since he reached win No. 299. And two days before pitching at Wrigley Field and getting his 300th, he discussed it again.

This is a paragraph. I will note, what Glavine was discussing was not included in this paragraph, it was included in the next one. I died a little inside.

“Obviously, Randy is on the doorstep,” he said. “But with his health, that’s something you have to wait and see. There are a lot of talented guys in the game. It’s just a matter of if guys are going to stay healthy 18, 19, 20 years. That’s a big question.”

It’s just not likely.

This is four paragraphs.

I don’t.

Know why.

What, exactly, are the qualifications to be a writer (or editor for that matter) for the AP? It is summer… are they giving interns write-ups and just posting them? Seriously.

Farker Yanks_RSJ: It’s called “mop-up” duty. Please consult your local pink hat retailer for more of the finer points of baseball.

-in response to: “In other news, Kyle Snyder closed out the game for us today. Just for shiats and giggles.”

Randomly, The Lovely And Talented (And Newly Promoted) Ms. L asked me if I wanted to hitch a ride with one of her co-workers up to Albany this week. Randomly, a day later, Matt The Machine sent me an e-mail informing of me of a possible trip to the now open Saratoga Flat Track on Friday followed by an almost certain Beirut Gathering on Saturday. That pretty much sealed the deal and we packed up the newly healed Ninja Kitty and came up. Since we all worked today, we didn’t get on the road until about 9pm after hopping the train over to Astoria and since I have about three weeks vacation left, I took a last minute Thursday and Friday off.

So, I call Mama and Papa Yard to warn them I was coming up to get my car keys (I leave my car at their place because I have no use for it in NYC… nor do I have any desire to pay $3,000/year in car insurance when I can pay $800 instead) only to find out that, whoops, my dad’s on vacation this week… which means my mom and dad are on their yearly jaunt to Lake Placid/Lake George/Hampton Beach (NH, not NY)/Anyfrigginwhere with Water. No problem, says I, you put the super stealth key back in the super stealth spot, right?

No?

Fabulous. So, as I brilliantly have both sets of my car keys and the keys to my parents’ house currently locked in said house… I have no car, no air mattress, no bedding, no litter box, no litter, and no key to my townhouse. Fortunately, at the moment, Ms. L’s sister is holed up at the Brauhaus until she returns to college. Score one for me. So I take the Ms. L’s former car (we call it Simon) in lieu of the Lumberwagon to, you guessed it, the only place you can get cat litter, an air mattress, a sheet set, snacks, a litter box, and a towel at 2:30am. Wal-Mart.

I haven’t made a late night Wal-Mart jaunt in quite some time and I forgot how nifty of an experience it can be… especially during summer vacation. Alas, tonight wasn’t quite as fascinating since most of the store was closed for repairs. However, I was able to pick up everything I needed for the low price of $74.62. While I sadly did turn down the 5-in-1 Convertible Air Mattress/Chair of DOOM I did pick up the Cadillac of Air Mattresses for $44.99. It’s also a bajillion times more comfortable than this piece of garbage air mattress I got from the Astor Place K-Mart two weeks ago that’s already losing air.

So, to chalk up, I got a bigger, more comfortable air mattress for less than the piece of garbage full size one we already had. For another $25, I got sheets, a pillow, cat litter, a cat pan, and a towel. And… bonus, I left a six-pack of beer in my refrigerator as a gift to myself next time I was here. I love me.

Manhattan’s over-rated.