TDL’s Sports, Wrestling, & Otherwise

436. I know not having a front license plate is illegal in New York State. However, it’s one of those things that, I thought, you really only got a ticket for if a cop pulled you over, didn’t find anything wrong, and just decided he felt like writing a ticket that day. Upstate, I’ve gone through seat belt checks where it wasn’t even mentioned (One time it was, the officer asked me where the plate was, and I told him truthfully it was in my trunk because the front of the car looks better with the Grand Am attachment over the well the plate goes in). Two days ago, I got a letter in the mail from the New York City Department of Finance. In the letter, I was informed that my parked car was written a $75 ticket for not having a front license plate. Some member of the NYPD took the time to write my parked car a ticket. Thanks, assholes.

437. Yankee fans. When the Yankees were dropping 10 games in a row, it was a slump. When the Mets are going through a rough stretch, the ship is sinking.

438. New Yorkers who claim to “miss the grit” from 1980s New York who are either younger than 25 or who moved to the state last year. These people fascinate me for two reasons. First, they are essentially saying they’d prefer to live in the city when getting on the subway each day was an exercise in survival. Second, they never would have fucking moved here if the city wasn’t made fancy by Giuliani, who they now, of course, fashionably hate.

439. People who move to a neighborhood where something’s been for 100 years, then decide they don’t like it and try to have it canceled. Case point: the San Gennaro festival. It’s a festival that’s been thrown in Little Italy since 1926. Within recent years, newer residents of Little Italy has complained about the noise and trash generated by the festival. Because, you know, it hadn’t been going on there before they moved there.

440. Blogs. Ironic, I know, but there are way too many blogs about New York. Every idiot with an internet connection has a blog and they all essentially say the same thing. Most of it revolves around “government sucks.” Well, except for anti-smoking laws, and cigarette taxes, and and DWI roadblocks… those are all ok. And the trans-fat ban, that’s needed, too.

New York might be the most fake progressive city on the face of the planet. They swear up and down that they don’t want government in their lives, yet demand every nuisance be regulated.

441. The Knicks. I mean, seriously. Isiah Thomas has now officially cost the Knicks LeBron, Wade, Melo, Iverson, KG, and Kobe.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been to an OTB. They are, really, the most depressing places in the world. I normally go to OTB three or four times a year. Usually, it’s to bet on the Triple Crown Races or some random day when I look at the Saratoga program and see something I like. Anyone that’s been to an OTB can tell you pretty much what it is. They really are indescribably depressing.

Your standard guy at OTB is over 40. He wears a jacket despite the temperature outside. Since you can’t smoke in OTB anymore, most of these guys have unlit cigarettes or cigars… and thank GOD my state has passed legislation to help keep these guys alive longer. Normally, they are surrounded by piles of programs and dead tickets. If you take more than four seconds to place your bet (Track, Race, Amount, Bet Type, Horse Number - ie: 4th at Saratoga, $5 Exacta Box on 2,3) they will grumble and call you the old guy version of NOOB. This is usually “rookie” or “amateur.” Normally, I take as little time as possible in OTB and clear out of there before someone realizes I don’t belong and decides to sacrifice me to some dark equine god.

Anyway, the New York Racing Association (NYRA) has been under fire the last few years for various legal infractions. Shocking, I know, since you would normally think a government-backed division of bookies would be nothing if not honorable. As such, they’ve gone into bankruptcy and have been trying various things to get out of it. The newest idea is to put OTB terminals in normal bars. This, according to NYRA, will encourage younger people (ie: distinctly NOT the people outlined above) and women to bet on horses. Schumer, without the standard “think of the children” reference that politicians love so much, instead had to liken college students to children.

Said Chuck: OTB marketing to the young in a bar setting is just the same as tobacco companies using mascots to sell cigarettes to children,

So remember, folks… A 21-year-old in a bar is STILL not old enough to make their own decisions on whether or not they want to gamble.

No word on whether or not Chuck will push to get Quick Draw terminals taken out of bars which, you know, run a lottery game ever four minutes.

Now, please head back to Washington and continue to make it illegal for me to put money on a football game, but make sure it’s OK for New York to run 20 different types of Lottery games.

ESPN gave us our first of what is assuredly many of trade deadline columns this week. Of course, in all its ESPN glory, it didn’t actually throw in any useful deals or any target teams, so what the hey, I’ll do it for them.

Mark Teixeira: Let’s start with the most obvious. Jason Giambi could be out for the season. Doug Mienkiewicz may be dead. Right now the Yankee options at first base are Josh Phelps (what’s the direct opposite of a Gold Glove?) and Johnny Damon (No joke. You think he can make a throw home from first base? I’m desperate to find out). Teixeira is a free agent next year and it’s doubtful he’ll re-sign with the team so it’d be unsurprising to see him offloaded to the Yankees. One has to wonder: Teixeira is a Boras client, so will Tex get snowjobbed into signing with the Rangers again after he’s already played there and knows how much it sucks?

Eric Gagne: I can’t imagine any team giving up anything substantial for Gagne, who’s hurt as much as anyone these days. However, if they packaged him with Teixeira to the Yankees, they could probably get Kyle Farnsworth or some of their interchangeable bullpen guys.

Rich Harden: Could you let a team actually fall out of contention before you start trying to give it’s players away? And also, beware of Beane bearing gifts. Harden’s pitched a full season exactly once in his career.

Junior: Three words: Angels’ Designated Hitter. The Angels desperately need a bat and Junior desperately needs to stop playing outfield. Cincinnati is pitiful and I’d like to see Junior with a chance to win something before he retires.

Brad Lidge: Lidge is unhappy as a set-up guy and wants to return to a closer role. After nearly pitching himself out of a job in April, he seems to gotten over his Screaming Pujols Disorder (note, I wanted to include a link to the video of Pujols 1700 ft home run off Lidge, but MLB Advanced Media had it removed. Because, you know, it would have damaged baseball for people to be allowed to watch that video… well, people other than Brad Lidge). With Houston out of both races and a shortage of competent bull-pen help around the league, I expect them to aggressively shop Lidge. There seem to be two legit destinations for Lidge: The Giants and the Phillies. The Giants shipped closer Armando Benitez off to Florida (essentially for free as they’re picking up $4.7 million of the $5 million left on Benitez’s contract) after a trademarked double-balk meltdown at Shea Stadium. Out in Philly, Tom Gordon has remembered he isn’t a closer and he remembered it so hard that it blew out his rotator cuff. The Phillies and the Giants both desperately need bull-pen help and Lidge fits the bill perfectly.

Chad Cordero: In case you missed a meeting, the other Cordero is the big business now. This Cordero, on the other hand, is a good closer on a crappy team. Washington also seems to be over-rating what they can get for him because he can’t be a free agent until 2009. I can’t even begin to imagine which team he’d go to because the Nationals need… well… everything. That said, when Nick Johnson comes back off the DL in the coming month or so, the Yankees might very much be interested in Cordero/Johnson deal for the same reasons they’re interested in Teixeira/Gagne above.

Todd Helton: It’s been no secret that the Red Sox have been sniffing around Helton for about two years now. The problem with Helton has always been the enormous amount of backload on his contract and a blanket no-trade clause. However, it’s always been said that the Red Sox would be a legitimate contender. As of last season, when he failed to exercise a JD Drew-esque opt-out clause in his contract, that means any team who takes him off the Rockies are on the hook for a cool $70 million through 2011. The deal I actually proposed in a Fark thread about two weeks ago (which seemed perfectly legitimate to me) was Mike Lowell’s expiring deal and prospects to the Rockies and get Helton in return. This puts Youklis at third, Helton at first, and gives them Papi, Manny, Helton, Youklis, and Drew at the center of their line-up. It gives the Rockies no more gigantic contract.

Mike Sweeney

Carlos Zambrano: There are a disturbing number of Mets’ fans who want to see the Mets make a play on Carlos Zambrano. I feel this would be worth it just to see who would win in a fist-fight between him and Paul Lo Duca (for the record, I got a dime on Duke in a walk). Realistically, the Mets have no incentive (at the moment) to do any deadline deals for starting pitching. Two weeks after the trade deadline, their rotation is looking to be Pedro Martinez, Tom Glavine, El Duque, Oliver Perez, and John Maine. Why in the world would they give up anything for a maniac who they could, if they wanted, try to sign for free next season? It makes no sense. If I had to make two bold predictions: the Cubs aren’t trading off any parts in a year they gave out a bazillion dollars worth of contracts and no one is giving up anything for Zambrano.

Dontrelle Willis: Another guy who way too many Met fans want. Somewhere along the lines, my people got the idea that we can send the Marlins a pile of AA prospects to get Willis. Meanwhile, when you start telling them what you HAVE to give up (ready to give up Reyes? No? Alright then) they balk. Willis is a pie in the sky idea and stupid considering what I mentioned above. You know when Dontrelle’s a free agent? 2009. You know when Pedro’s, Duque’s, and Glavine’s contracts are up? 2009. Willis is not going anywhere unless you blow the Marlins away. In other news, Willis only ever pitches lights-out for half the season. Is it going to be the second half this year?

Mark Buehrle: This guy, on the other hand, might be a rental worth taking if the Sox decide to be sellers. For whatever reason, the White Sox have collectively decided that hitting is over-rated (except for Jim Thome which might have been one of the most under-discussed, best trades of 2005-2006 offseason). If the White Sox DO turn into sellers, there are a ton of teams that will likely come asking about Buehrle, including the Braves, Phillies, and Dodgers; all of whom will probably be buyers and all of whom need a bump at starting pitching.