TDL’s Sports, Wrestling, & Otherwise

I only saw three of the four playoff games yesterday because I was on a train for the Bears/Seahawks game. Before I get into it, I’d just like to say that this weekend was the most excellent gambling weekend in the history of gambling weekends. Three games were mind-numbingly obvious if you’d been paying attention all season. Patriots in January with points? Indy with points? Any NFC team giving any other NFC team NINE? If I had a farm, I would have doubled it.

For the games that I saw:

Baltimore/Indianapolis: One of the first really, really awful playoff games Steve McNair’s ever put on. There were a couple things I didn’t understand out of the Ravens in this game. First, why in the world with a full minute left in the half, and a good quarterback at the helm, do you take it to halftime down six points? This makes no sense to me. I fully undertand that, with 10 seconds left, you don’t take a stupid shot downfield, but this was with time remaining. Trent Dilfer isn’t your QB anymore… it’s Cyborg McNair.

The decision to try to thread the needle into the end zone on 3rd and goal was equally inexplicable. Whoever called that play should be fired. When you have The Cyborg and Jamal Lewis, you run one play and one play only on 3rd and Goal inside the five. You fake a handoff to Jamal Lewis and bootleg McNair out to the right. He either finds someone in the end zone or walks in. It’s impossible for that play to end any other way. With most of the team worried about Lewis or McNair walking in, someone’s going to be open.

As for Indy, Peyton Manning was playoff Manning and still managed a win. He threw two interceptions to Reed and only Ray Lewis being too mobile stopped him from throwing four to the same guy. For all the ballwashing Manning receives, he still has the same problem in January. When under good pass rush, he gets the jittery happy feet and throws stupid passes over the middle. It’s got to be frustrating for a Colt fan to watch.

Saints/Eagles: This was the one game I never would have bet a dime on. It could have gone either way. It was, from top to bottom, a tremendous game. What can you say other than the Saints defense kicked it up a notch (BAM!) in the fourth quarter? They forced the Eagles to a three and out on their first possession and then came up huge following a Drew Brees’ fumble, forcing a high pressure four and out. Just ridiculously good by the Saints.

Patriots/Chargers: And now, children, why do you not plan Super Bowl parades for teams when they haven’t made the Super Bowl yet? Two reasons: 1) you piss off the Sports’ Gods and 2) you look really dumb when you lose. Parades aren’t hard… you throw a bunch of cars in a row with some fire trucks and a band, re-route some traffic, and it’s a parade. Don’t tempt fate by planning it too early.

I’m going to end up saying more about this game than I want to because there’s a lot to say and a lot being said. First and foremost, though, if you saw Patriots +5 in January and didn’t take it… stop gambling. Seriously. I’m just trying to save you money here.

Onto other things. I’m very tired of hearing about how the Patriots don’t win games, other teams lose them. Really? Was I correct four years ago when I dubbed Brady and Belichick the Sith Lord and Apprentice? Because I only did it because I said Peyton Manning was a Jedi and he needed foils. Brady and Belichick have just lucked into their three championships? I can think of at LEAST six or seven Patriot postseason wins where this was being said. How many wins constitute a pattern? Could it be that the Patriots January game is to play a close to the vest game, take advantage of mistakes, don’t make many of their own, and finish strong? This can also be referred to as “how you win games.” Brady never gets rattled, never looks scared, never looks disappointed, and never looks anything but bored.

Secondly, yes, Brady played a terrible game. The Chargers, for the most part, dominated the game. But they didn’t dominate the fourth quarter. They didn’t see a direct snap 2-pt conversion coming when the Patriots have done that exact same play multiple times. They, inexplicably, went 3-and-out between Patriot possessions in the fourth quarter by having Philip Rivers pass the ball on 2nd and 3rd down after LDT picked up five on 1st down. Why in the world, when you have the best back in the league, would you not give him the ball three times in a row and see what happened? Why would you pass not once, but TWICE, conserving clock for the Patriots? No more about how good Cam Cameron is. I don’t want to hear it. You can’t give him all the credit when it’s going well and not lay every ounce of blame on him for these two calls.

Marty Schottenheimer is certainly not a clutch playoff coach, but this loss is not on him. You can go back to a 4th and 11 in the first quarter as a dumb call, and it was, but the rest of the game? I can’t wait for the Chargers to fire a coach that just got them to 14-2, first seed in the playoffs with a first year quarterback, only to watch them go 7-9 next year as a new coach puts a new system in place. Look at the following: A drive extending personal foul on what would have been 4th and 9? A muffed fair catch? A game-ending interception on 4th and 5 that you don’t just fall on or bat down, and instead try to run it back, but instead fumble it back to the Patriots for a first down?

Do you know the difference between the Patriots and most other teams? The Patriots scored on every one of those mistakes. Every one. Tom Brady threw three interceptions and the Chargers got zero points off them. The Chargers had three seperate opportunities to win that game. THREE! The flubbed interception, the three and out, and the two-point converision. And this isn’t even counting the 54-yard field goal miss which, whatever, a 54-yard field goal is a prayer for most of the league.

As for the post-game shenanigans, the Chargers were in the wrong. If you don’t want another team to celebrate on your home field, don’t lose. ESPECIALLY when your cheater defensive superstar does a little dance whenever he gets a sack and your quarterback walks into Mile High Stadium’s end zone and does a Mile High Salute. Don’t call Belichick out for being unclassy because his team didn’t roll over and die like you all expected them to. Don’t call a four seed out for upsetting and celebrating their victory over a one-seed.

Tomlinson is going to come out of this looking the worst. No one would have been mad at him for being hot on the field after a loss, but to carry it into a press conference an hour later is terrible. To then come out with: everyone knows I’m one of the classiest guys in the game and They showed no class and maybe that comes from the head coach… you kidding me? There is nothing classless about celebrating a win. There IS, however, something classless about walking off the field without congratulating the losing team. There’s also something classless about calling another team out on something your own team consistently does. Let’s also not forget which team had two “classy” personal fouls through out the game, not including an uncalled personal foul facemask on Roosevelt Colvin following an interception that could have given him a concussion.

And, when Deion Sanders is the voice of reason, saying LT, Don’t tell people that you’re classy. If you have class in life, you don’t need to tell people, something has going seriously amiss in the world.

There isn’t much I can say about the show this week that I didn’t mention Last Week. This week saw another set of open auditions, another set of the hopelessly embarrassing, another set of the talented without “the look,” and another set of hopefuls for the Grease Academy.

This week, the Palace Theater on Broadway played hosted the open audition. The fare was much the same as last week, with our applicants including a couple who wanted to enter the competition together, a 42-year old mother of four from Brooklyn, a Rockville Centre Bridge & Tunnel (for non-NYers, that refers to people from Long Island, the outer-boroughs, or New Jersey. It’s said with much more contempt when it refers to a teenage meathead with rich parents and a trust fund. More contempt is added if you’re in the West 20s or Penn Station on a Friday or Saturday night after said B&T’s have been “clubbing” all night. AJ Soprano and his gaggle would be your stereotypical B&T) troll who really has nothing going for him other than look, a pro from the touring version of Hairspray, and various other moderately uninteresting to wholly uninteresting stories.

Thankfully, this is the last week of open auditions as the show is exactly the same as last week. The guys and girls sing, collectively, about five songs from the show, then the survivors come back to dance the next day. For comic relief, we get a mother from Brooklyn who goes to the auditions with a decent voice but, surprise, she isn’t cast because she’s 40. For your tear-jerking moment of the say, we get a 16-year old girl from Staten Island who doesn’t look the part (as she’s overweight), sound the part (as she can’t sing), nor would ever be cast in the part (as she’s 16). For your cheaply manufactured drama, we get a boyfriend and girlfriend of two years entering together. He makes it, she does not. She storms off into the subway and we are informed that their relationship ended shortly afterward.

Now, my personal loathing of B&T’s aside, here is another issue I have with this show. The set-up is this: an untrained singer from Rockville Centre, Long Island came to the open audition. He was way, way, WAY out of his league even during an audition. He couldn’t go up in register and his voice broke down. He couldn’t move on stage to the degree required to be in the musical. Frankly, he’s not going to win. For the reasons I mentioned last week, this show, by it’s design, can’t have plucky underdogs to win despite all odds. When you put this guy up against, for instance, the guy who’s on the Hairspray touring cast, he’s going to get ruined. Taking one standard Italian-looking greaser over any other standard Italian-looking greaser with talent is a waste. He’s not going to win, and it’s disgustingly obvious that he’s there only to be a story.

As I said, not much to say this week, so we’ll hold off until next week which, according to the previews, is the first of the “Grease Academy” shows. Also, according to the previews, my prediction from last week’s column was correct. The previews are just loaded with tears and agony.

While I still have no idea how eliminations will work once they get to “Grease Boot Camp” I’m still interested. Thank God we’re moving on to the next stage, though.